Okay, not all of them. But most of them.
Stephen Harper. Every now and then you see or read some story about some nitwit who goes into a zoo and goes over a retaining fence to poke a polar bear or a tiger or some such animal with a stick, and the polar bear yanks off his arms, and the only person in the world who doesn’t side with the polar bear is the armless doofus. Stephen Harper is wondering, right now, how to convince you it’s not his fault his right arm is missing. Well, Steve, it is. You know what, dude? You can wear all the blue sweaters you want; if you act like a fucking asshole to people, sooner or later they’re going to say “You know, that guy’s a fucking asshole. He’s nice to me sometimes, but every Thursday, he kicks me in the nuts.” See, the polar bear doesn’t care if you’re a fucking asshole; polar bears are just hungry. But people do care, and you’ve managed to convince a lot of them you’re a big fucking asshole, and over what? Over nothing of any significance to this country. Good job, leader. Thanks. I hope Michaelle Jean punched you right in the cock.
**Stephane Dion. ** Poor, poor Stephane. He was an ineffectual wimp as a leader who led his party into a dreadful election result. He was a compromise leadership pick in the first place who turned out to be hopelessly unsuited to the job, timid and clumsy and secretieve even with his own staff, whose incompetence reached its apex with last week’s hilariously funny “statement” video which was so amateurishly shot you expected him to have some angry Arab men in face masks standing behind them. But, hey, despite laying waste to his own party, at least we’ll always remember Dion as the guy who always stood up to the separatists… whoops! Blew that legacy!
**Jack Layton. ** Well, at least Jack was up front and honest about his plan to sell out his country. I always used to think The Stache was, even if hopelessly locked in 1974 with regards to his understanding of economics, a principled man. I guess I was wrong. Layton’s desperate, almost drooling lunge for power, any power, power at any cost, has relvaled him for the weaselly Judas he truly is. Indeed, it’s becoming clear Layton has been the mastermind behind the Coalition all along, a government that, if it took power, would not only break several long standing unwritten Constitutional conventions but would probably be the most unpopular government in Canada’s history, a government Canadians overwhelmingly, according to every polling company in the country, have said they do not want, would even rather have an election instead. But Jack, Mr. I Love The People, doesn’t care what Canadians want. He just hears POWERPOWERPOWERPOWERPOWERPOWER!
Elizabeth May. Remember when you could respect plucky little Elizabeth, fighting for the environment? What a load of bullshit THAT was. As it turned out, before the election campaign even ended, Lizzy May took an axe, and gave the Green Party forty whacks, targeting her own candidates and telling people to vote for the Liberals instead. Now, I think it’s absolute unconscionable that May would ask people to put their lives on hold to run as candidates and then backstab them, but, hey, if she really thinks the Liberal Party is the best… but what’s this? She’s angling for a Senate appointment! *Elizabeth May sold out her own candidates to get Stephane Dion to appoint her to the Senate. * And I thought Stephen Harper was an asshole. If there is a just and merciful God, He will prevent the coalition from taking power just so this back-stabbing bitch has to go find a real job.
Jim Flaherty. I’m not sure how it’s possible for a guy to be a major federal politician and presumably have the services of fine tailors, barbers and stylists, and STILL look like an old man yelling at a near-to-tears 17-year-old cashier at Loblaws that he wants her to take his expired coupon, but the Jimster pulls it off every time he opens his eat-hole.
Bob Rae. Rae, thankfully, gave up his drive for the Liberal leadership today, sparing me the trouble of explaining hoiw he’s a braying jackass who apparently wanted to run the country in order to erase his legacy as the worst premier in the history of Ontario by building an even bigger legacy as an even worse Prime Minister. Whoops, I let it out anyway.
Gilles Duceppe. You have to give the man credit; he actually hoodwinked two Canadian party leaders into making his band of separatists the second biggest party in a would-be coalition government. Of course, if he’s as smart as people think, you’ve got to believe he knew this would go over like a garlic fart, which means that he may well have done it solely in order to cause tumult in Canada’s parliament in a time of economic crisis, bringing the country into disrepute and making separatism more palatable. You’d think he was leader of… of a separatist party! Oh, but you’re not allowed to mention that.
Anyone else deserve scorn?
