I think people like this can change, but they have to realize that they need to change first. If they’re busy blaming the world for all their problems, they’re not likely to realize that.
Gawd yes.
My grandmother was an Olympic champion when it came to complaining. And if there wasn’t something current to complain about something that happened 30 years ago would do just fine. And she was a control freak in that everything HAD to done her way. And she knew more than everybody about pretty much everything. And if a “friend” or friendly neighbor did or said the slightest thing wrong they generally got put on the permanent shit list and was added to the massive database of things to complain about.
She moved quite frequently from one apartment complex to another because there was also something wrong about the place. And within a year or two she’d hate most of the neighbors and the apartment complex staff, often with the bonus of pissing them off too in the process.
She also had no real interests or hobbies.
So, over her life she had way less phone calls and visits than she normally would have mainly because she was an “emotional energy vampire”. It actually was emotional draining. I almost need a stiff drink right now just thinking about it.
Don’t be that person. And if you think you are that or are becoming that you better work on changing it or your later years (not to mention the ones before that) are gonna suck a lot more than they need to.
But after that, you’re fucked.
Wait wait wait…the OP is female and she is talking about male friends?
If true…then DUH! After a few months they realize you are not going to sleep with them and so they take off. So it might not be, as others have stated, you.
Also, from my experience with friends/family etc…when a woman gets engaged or married she tends to lose many male friends for the same reason.
No, the OP is male. Though I did posit earlier that one of the disappearances could have been attributed to “realizing it ain’t gonna happen,” gay edition.
Maybe it wasn’t gonna happen, but he didn’t have to cut him off…
An old acquaintance from high school recently got in touch, said he’d been reading stuff I’ve been writing, asked me what I thought about some religious experiences he’s had. I told him I’m a pretty full-blown skeptic, but I can’t see what he sees through his own eyes, so I didn’t think I could really be useful in helping him out. He then asked me if I believed in a spiritual crisis; I responded that in my opinion, an existential crisis is completely legit, but I was not sure that’s the same thing as what he’s talking about.
Well, that was that, the end of our correspondence. I just realized he blocked me!
C’mon peoples, I realize the instinctual urge to blame me and me alone for the fact that I’ve lost a lot of friends for no apparent reason. …but this is ridiculous!
The guy is having a crisis and reached out. You shut him down at every turn.
Religious people often feel that cannot associate with people who do not share their faith, or at least accept large portions of it as fact, or make supportive, accepting noises. Depending on the flavor of their faith, they may be virtually required to cut ties with nonbelievers. I agree that he was seeking some form of reassurance which you were unable to give.
Anyway, he was only an old aquaintence, casual aquaintences drop people for any reason and no reason; you’re not actually friends and the obligation to remain in contact is trivial to nonexistent. It seems to me this is a trifle, but you’re equating it with the other situations which seemed to involve “best friends.” Would you say you have a good sense of how to limit the intensity of your friendships, or would you say you always feel like you have one mode of friendship? If the latter does it always involve Outpourings of Sincere Feelings?
Not meaning to equate, sorry if I gave that impression…I’m certainly not upset about it. But it’s just like, geez, another person randomly blocking/dropping…I view it as more just weird than depressing (earlier response accusations of me being obsessively all about omgfeelings notwithstanding). Yes, it can be mad frustrating when it’s people I’m close to (which is why I wrote this Pit OP…my first incidentally), but this just seems to fit a pattern is all.
Some theories
Scenario 1: Sometimes people grow apart as the circumstances of their lives change. Things that they used to have in common disappear. Think about milestones like graduation, moving to a different city, changing jobs, getting married or having children. People will naturally gravitate toward people that they feel they can relate to and expend less energy on maintaining prior relationships.
Scenario 2: Your presence is a reminder of something in their life that they don’t want to think about.
Scenario 3: You “read into” relationships more depth than they actually have. They were never really your friends to begin with, just acquaintances.
Scenario 4: You repeatedly choose interactions with shallow, flaky people.
Scenario 5: There is something about you that turns people off.
May I make a suggestion? Find a hobby you like. Or a couple of em. Things you’d want and could afford to do most weekends. With the internet these days it should be easy to find ones that make sense for your area and local clubs/virtual clubs. Hook up with those people.
Start participating in the activities. Don’t be shy. Let folks know you are beginner at X and you are willing to learn. Learn the ins and outs and the rights and wrongs and social structures of said activity.
Many hobbies are more fun (and sometimes almost require) if you have someone do them with. And for many the social aspect is a big deal. I do a lot of paddling. We will have anywhere from a handful of people to pushing 20 going on a trip. We paddle, but as we do, there is lots of socializing. You talk to Bob the geologist for a bit. Then Sarah the lawyer. Then John the high school teacher. Maybe about their work, maybe about something you both have in common, maybe even about stuff related to your hobby/activity.
You can build up a nice network of “hobbie friends”. These are the kind of people that will WANT to get together with you to DO things.
Sounds to me your friends are friends that just get together for the sake of getting together. Which IMO, unless you find something strong to bond together about, just tend to come and go like the wind.
Now, if you do this hobby friend thing and you have trouble with even those folks then that is IMO a pretty strong sign you have some kind of personality issues that need to be addressed.
In my case, it’s all 5. And the second I start worrying about how I’m coming across, I get more annoying… but I have cut down on #4.
And I agree about the hobby idea, but make sure you choose one that attracts interesting people. Jump right into that “model train caboose-builders and Kool-whip potluck group” and you might end up discussing rheumatism.
You’re just lucky no one else here as perverse a sense of humor as I do, or we’d all put you on “Ignore”, just to tweak you.
After reading this thread, I’ve concluded the most likely answer is that one of those people is now sitting in a regional prison of some sort and the other one knows too much and is on the run.
It looks to me like more evidence. See, nobody’s ever blocked me on Facebook.
Let me rephrase that: I have no goddamn idea if anyone’s ever blocked me on Facebook, because I’ve never checked, and I have zero desire to do so. If it turns out that someone has blocked me, then hey, Fuck You, dude, and that’s that.
But this is three people that have done this to you. I don’t know what’s up, but there’s a common denominator in all these situations; it’s up to you to figure out what it is.
Facebook?