Friend #1: We set up this “date” yesterday…fucking yesterday! You couldn’t possibly have forgotten that quickly. So why didn’t you answer your phone today? We haven’t seen each other in a year (more?). You’re in town for, what, a few weeks? I set aside all Sunday evening for you and you couldn’t even call to let me know you wouldn’t show up.
Friend #2: Seriously? You can’t call or write once in the past year and a half? Every few months, I give you a ring. Every time I get your voicemail and you don’t answer back. You don’t answer your Facebook either. What on earth could I possibly have done to you? We don’t even see each other! For all I know, you’re dead.
Friends #3-10: Now normally I’d think it’s cool to have a full keg all to myself. But not when I had to pay for it. Not when you all told me you were coming to my party and didn’t show up. My guest list went from 25 to 12, mostly due to your unloyal bastards. Like 1 & 2, not a single one of you could call to let me know.
I’m done with you people. I’m sick of you not answering your phones, not returning my calls, ditching me without telling me about it, and pretending like it’s no big deal. That’s the last time I’ll ever invite to a party/set up a dinner/check up on you people. I get more respect from random people in the bar that I invite places.
For you Dopers: They’re not in the same social circles, and I’ve got other friends, so it’s not like I’m “that guy” in a group of people. These incidents are also unrelated.
However, one thing to ask yourself is why these people think it’s acceptable to treat you this way. If it was just one or two people, I’d say it was them. But 10 people? You really gotta look at yourself.
Sorry dude, my car broke down. By the way, can you lend me 100 bucks?
I would guess that the problem is in how Chessic chooses his or her friends. The fact is that a large percentage of people are flaky and will break a date in a heartbeat for just about any lame reason.
Anyway Chessic is taking the right approach. Just cut those folks out of your life and forget about them.
I “dumped” a friend after I had cleared my social diary to have him and his wife over for dinner and they didn’t turn up - for the third time in a row.
I can’t stand people that are unreliable and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, I have a handful of friends like that. They didn’t always used to be that way.
I do admit that I am usually the person who blows off friends but not intentionally! The way I look at it, I have a friend radar. Some friends are in the inner pinging circle and others kinda drift off. There is no malice intended, just attention and time constraints. Also, if I don’t want to be friends with anyone anymore I tell them (but I am 32). I bet friends #1 and 2 are just emotional cowards and/or immature enough to avoid actually telling you buh bye. Parties are tough especially if you were throwing a New Years one. Most people like to party hop.
Nah, it wasn’t a NYE party. I’ve learned through experience that no one drags themselves all the way out to my house for parties where there’s competition. The party was back in October. I’m pitting it now based on friend 1’s actions. The point is that it just seems like it keeps happening. The part that really gets me is that they don’t even answer their phones or anything.
I had a really good friend who disappeared about 2 years ago. Finally got in touch with her recently. She had been on heroin. Had been in jail for stealing, had been protituting herself. Had a kid and got it taken away, etc etc. I felt horrible, and I feel guilty for this, but I almost wish I hadn’t heard from her. I’d rather still believe she is the hugest flake on the planet than all that.
I had a friend like this. Had. I miss her husband (great guy) but I’m glad I don’t hang out with her anymore.
I work two jobs, so I’m pretty busy. If we have plans, show up. Or at least call me if something comes up so I don’t wait at the meeting place like a moron. If she did show up, she was usually late, up to an hour. It drove me crazy. She was once an hour late because she stopped to get her nails done instead of meeting me on time. After that, she had a 10-minute window…I would wait that long, then leave. I’m not sure how many times that she didn’t show up after that…because I wasn’t there.
I’ve noticed that many of my women friends disappear when they get a boyfriend. No contact for months, sometimes. Then as soon as the inevitable breakup happens, my phone rings again.
A few people have fallen off the radar, and I don’t know what happened. If I said or did something, or unintentionally offended them somehow. “Sometimes they just aren’t that into you”. How true.
I can’t even tell you the number of people I’ve dropped from the list of those I called friends just for this. Just be reliable, if you’re not going to make it, call. Hell, I make a freaking point of calling or letting someone know if I’m going to make it - big party or small. It’s just nice.
I’d rather get a call saying “sorry dude” than sit and wait.
I think there are friends and there are “friends.” I think that most people only have a very few people who are truly close, long term friends. The rest are casual acquaintances who come and go. It’s best not to take it too personally when the latter type of friend loses interst. They’re easily replaceable.
Besides, we’ve all been on the other side of this – politely trying to feign collegiality with someone we really have no more interest in, then ultimately just blowing them off. It’s kind of a Seinfeldian thing. The person who still thinks you’re a friend when you couldn’t care less.
Adult people don’t treat people like that. And adult people don’t put up with being treated like that.
There has to be a limit to what you’ll put up with in the name of “friendship”, and maybe you’re about at that limit. Is the misery worth it? What are you getting out of it besides annoyance?
Why keep trying to “be friends” with people who don’t want to “be friends” with you?
There are many more fish in the sea.
Over the years I’ve had women friends who leaned heavily on me whilst they were undergoing love/marriage troubles, only to have them vanish when a new man entered their lives. Yes, it hurts, and yes, I did “put up” with it a few times. Then I asked myself the above questions and felt like an utter fool and felt that I had been taken advantage of and that I would be a fool to let it happen again.
On the other hand, I have 2 women friends who are widows and who both found out that a lot of their former friends can’t be bothered with them any more.
People can be awful jerks. But usually no one can take advantage of you if you don’t let them.
Ehh. If I invite 25 people to a party at my house, I expect 12 of them to show up. If I want 25 there, I’ll invite 50. Unless the party is a Big Deal (and it wasn’t, or you’d have had more than just a keg there), I wouldn’t expect everybody to show up. As for having a whole keg “go to waste”; get a kegerator. It’s cheaper in the long run, and you won’t have to worry about not floating a keg. It might also get some more people to your place.
As for friend # 2. Seriously? A year and a half? Give it up already.
