Have you tried cat-wrangling in the business clothes, wearing the biker clothes to work and wearing the cat wrangling gear to a bar?
That’s funny. ^
And what are cat-wrangling clothes?
In my county you can get internet access for free at the local library, and they don’t care how you’re dressed as long as you are actually wearing clothes as opposed to old newspapers or something.
$30 a month for internet and bitching buys more happiness than $30 spent on new clothes. How much rich-looking clothes can you get for $30, anyway?
You are very right. Sometimes I go to more formal events as bikerbitch just to see the reactions and sidelong looks. I just agree with the OP that its not right to be judged by appearance.
If you offer me one when I’m wearing business clothes and high heels, it wouldn’t be a look of fear on my face, it would be one of gratitude.
Seriously, I’m sorry that happens to you. A while back, I was leaving the VA hospital and walking through a dark parking lot when a big guy suddenly appeared around the corner. His face was terribly scarred and he was huge and he surprised me.
I’m ashamed to admit that I screamed and turned to run away. I recovered my brain in a couple of seconds and turned back around to apologize to him and he was standing with his hands up and trying to look harmless while he was saying something like “Miss, I won’t hurt you, I was just walking in the dark so I wouldn’t scare anyone, I’m sorry.”
I groveled and apologized and really felt very badly about that. I’d like to think that it it happened now, I wouldn’t have reacted that way. It was just such a shock.
So, again, I’m sorry that happens to you. Maybe I should be the one to buy you one 
That really is a good idea, maybe when I’m wrangling cats wearing a business suit would work better. I could just slam my briefcase on the hood of my car and demand that said cats get into the traps right away because I’m on a schedule!
Riding to work is how I impressed my not-then-husband into noticing me.
Cat wrangling clothes in bars don’t make people nervious.
Tethered Kite Cat wrangling clothes are jeans, lace up comfy shoes and long sleeved denim shirts that usually have cat pics on them. If its been a long day there will be some grass stains and a few rips and maybe some blood on the clothes.
Kewl. You save stray cats? If so, you are my hero.
The clinic employs a woman with a disfigured face. I reflexively gasped when I rounded a corner and bumped into her. Not how I want to greet a fellow human being. Sigh.
I don’t see anything wrong with it. In nature we call gazelles that try to get to know the lion on a more intimate, personal level: food.
Getting past someone’s appearance, especially when it clashes with the surroundings or supports a particular stereotype, requires discipline and a battery of experiences that suggest it’s worth doing. There is a reason you dress a certain way for a job interview, to attend a wedding or funeral, or to go to the beach. Disregarding the dress code sets you apart as potentially ‘out of touch’ and thus worthy of suspicion.
Also, Boo on the OP for making it sound like the judgment only goes one way. If I’m downtown wearing a tie & matching pants & jacket I get a lot more attention from the panhandlers than I do when I strolling about unshaven and wearing blown out sneakers, cut off jeans and an ancient pac-man t-shirt (pub clothes). Why is that? It’s because the panhandlers are making assumptions about my value to them based on my appearance. Funny thing is, when I’m dressed up, I’m working so I don’t have much if any cash on me. When I’m scroungy, I’m loaded for beer and likely to share.
Get over it and accept the fact you’re going to be treated the way you appear to deserve to be treated. It’s just human nature.
Very good post, in someway I can relate to the OP but I also agree it has a lot to do with how we present ourselves. I ran a large diesel repair shop for many years. I am one of those guys who just crawls under trucks out in the dirt with no creeper and when I want to get close to something I squeeze myslef in right into the dirt and grease. I look like hell when I am working and know it.
Salesman or execs would often come in to the office where I would be seated or standing and look around me, past me and then finaly right at me and ask if anyone was here. I would always pat myself down and say, am I invisible? Sometimes they would come back and say "I mean someone I can talk to". I would then say, " You mean someone who is clean". I would then direct them to the clerk who would direct them back to me.
And that’s a good example of “experiences that suggest it’s worth doing.” If I need some labor done, I’ve learned it’s best to talk to the filthy guy with the real world experience and (usually) unrefined demeanor because he can tell me why what I’m asking for is wrong and here’s the real solution I want. The clean guy who manages the paper will sell me exactly what I ask for–which is often not going to give me the result I ultimately want. Something I learned in the Army: you want to know where the enemy ought to be and what equipment he has, ask a colonel. You want to know where the enemy is, what he’s got, and how skilled he is with it, ask the infantry grunt.
Maybe one day you’ll say something useful. Not holding out hope.
Did Brujaja pay you to say that? 
Agreed. Also, the maxim “you see what you expect to see” also applies to people like the OP. A purse-clutching or street-crossing by a white/rich/whatever person may have purely innocent motivations and may be perceived as racist/classist by people who expect to see that.
You’re probably right SJ. I’m sure in a past life I did something to traumatize these people to make them cringe so…
Read what you want into my post but I think it’s pretty clear I’m on about otherwise normal looking people with out-of-place grooming/self-maintenance. I don’t know what you’re referring to, but it sounds like you’re naturally odd-looking. Freak shows have been around for as long as there have been people precisely because the unexpected is shocking.
I’m assuming your post was some mix of condescention/snark/pissed off.
I think he was being as kind as he could because he’s nicer than me. I know that we are in the Pit and all, but the bolded sentance just fucking pissed me off. You are not just rude, you are downright mean. That was a horrible thing to say to a fellow human being.
I’ll bet that you have a very lonely rl because you only judge people by how they look. No friends who aren’t perfect enough for you, not willing look past appearance to find the person inside.
My wish for you is that you realize how wrong you were when you start showing physical imperfections and all of your perfect friends go away because you are no longer perfect.
I was just being blunt and a bit defensive to what I saw as a deliberate misinterpretation of my point, not mean. Sorry you feel the need to respond with anger to something you don’t want to understand. The unexpected is shocking and people react with alarm to it, the desire to understand comes after the shock wears off and the perceived threat dissolves. Even good people are no better than that.
Misinterpret SJ ?
There’s some subtle, underlying premise in your statements I’m missing if I’m guilty of misrepresentation.
I pointed out with an outrageous example the people I speak of had no past experience with me ( Maybe I should have been more explicit and said , “As food”?) , so it’s difficult to understand why I should be feared?
Surprised you’ve been on the board so long when you seem to only want feedback that validates your limited worldview. Would’ve thought you’d gravitate towards organizations that were more homogenous in their appearance and beliefs… Westboro Baptist Church, KKK etc.
But thanks for trying to share your “insights”. Really makes one treasure the decent people you encounter in life a little more.
Look, I don’t know what your deal is. I can only infer from your posts you have some kind of deformity that makes people cringe. Nowhere have I said it’s a good thing that people react in particular ways to superficial appearance, nor have I insinuated “different is bad.” All I’ve said is that’s how people are and, right or wrong, it’s asking too much to expect anything different. Can/should folks make an attempt to get past the superficial? That’s a personal decision and depends on how that’s worked out for them in the past.
You’re the one who dropped “I’m sure in a past life I did something to traumatize these people to make them cringe so…” which I can only assume was sarcastic response to something meaning, “Anyone who consistently elicits a freakout response deserves it.” And that’s not what I said. So yeah, misrepresentation.
…
I didn’t quote your posts verbatim as they are fairly long.
I gathered from them you felt stereotyping is okay, to indulge in classifying people with your preconceived notions of what their appearance means is hunky dory. With some chutzpah you added," Boo on the Op for complaining about this".
Now in your last post, you’re disavowing this sentiment on a personal level with a, " Yeah it sucks, but I’m just citing reality."
You really are a slippery fish, and I don’t think there’s much to be accomplished by trying to get you to own your words so please don’t expend any effort in further spin on your earlier posts.
Just a couple points to further an understanding between us.
- I’m not horrible disfigured
- You suck bitch