So what has sparked my interest In this subject particularly is my new job in a big restaurant. I work with all walks of life. Whites, blacks, Hispanics and so on.
And everyone is different. I try not to discriminate how I treat someone based on their appearance or status or any other factor. I try to get to know the person, cause you know, that’s what matters. It seems though too often, and especially with girls, the stereotype can fit the description. Like the thin girls with big boobs and pretty faces are more confident than the fat ones.
But don’t get me wrong, I think most of the girls are pretty. In fact, I’d say at least 85% are. And the ones that aren’t to me is just because I’m not attracted to them. Still even they have redeeming qualities.
Then you’ve got dudes. And judgement on appearance, at least for me, drops significantly in importance, but if I had to pick one thing it would be race. I mean I identify with the white kids so I hang with them. The other racial groups do the same thing.
It makes me question the saying “true beauty is on the inside.”. It is true, I believe you never really see someone until they smile. But I feel societal pressures based on appearance have too much of an effect on who is actually smiling.
Man here. I judge a lot on appearance. Your appearance is specifically chosen, even if intentionally chosen to be regular and laid back in your choice of clothing. So because clothing is a conscious decision amongst most of us, I like to judge what you’re trying to say with your clothes.
EDIT: And yes true beauty is on the inside, but if there is a lack of beauty on the outside, you’ll have less inclination to approach them to see their inner beauty.
Man and simultaneously very shallow and very much not.
Appearance matters a LOT, but only in deciding if I’m interested in someone. Upon a first meeting, I can tell whether I’m attracted to someone within seconds. If not, I likely never will be – but I would still be more than glad to be their friend. And if we’re only going to be friends, I couldn’t care less whether they’re fat or skinny, white, black, or blue or the ugliest evolutionary failure the world has ever known. The only thing that matters in a friend is their personality, and I’ve had many friends that other people routinely disparage due to looks. “Why are you friends with X? Her ___ is so ____… ugh. Or he looks like ___.” I just shrug it off. “Whatever. They’re my friend. I like them.”
On the other hand, if I’m not physically attracted to someone, there is zero chance of anything more developing even if they’re Mother Teresa mixed with Jesus. Naturally, this often gets me accused of being extremely shallow, to which I readily agree.
I’m a bartender, and I judge on appearance…but more than that, bearing. As in…how they walk in/how they talk to me/how they carry themselves etc…
If I size up a person who walks into my bar, chances are good that my initial impression will play out…if she walks up like she’s the shit, if he “lurks,” if she’s shy, if he’s got a “badass” attitude…I’m usually right. But not always. Sometimes the shy girl turns into a sassy funny girl; sometimes Mr. Badass turns into Mr. Polite…you can generalize but you never really know for sure. This is why I keep my initial impressions to myself. I’m right most of the time, but nobody’s right all of the time. I’m here to make money, so I’m gonna pretend like I don’t have an initial impression. Even though I do. Of course.
My job isn’t to find out who has “true beauty.” My job is to make money. But along the way, I do notice things. There isn’t a man alive who won’t put up with a girl giving him shit, if she smiles when she does it. And most women will smile back at you if you smile first. Put them on your side. Even people who don’t wear sleeves or have any teeth or a wallet may have lots of money they’re willing to hand to you; they just don’t flaunt it til the very end. Everybody and anybody are capable of surprising you. This is why it’s critical to assume nothing and hope for everything.
Like I said, the longer you work in this business, the more you will find that your initial assumptions are correct…but you will always find people who surprise you. And it will happen often enough that you will learn to keep your poker face, just in case.
It doesn’t cost you anything and it will probably make you a lot of money. I promise.
I said ‘‘not at all,’’ but I guess it depends on what you mean by the word ‘‘judge.’’ I might have private thoughts that are not so flattering about someone’s appearance, but I try not to let it affect how I treat them. Honestly, if I judged people by appearance I would have missed out on some of the best friendships I ever had.
I’m assuming by appearance we mean ‘‘attractiveness.’’ If someone is poorly groomed or has bad hygiene, that’s kind of a different story. I wouldn’t mistreat or ignore such a person if I was approached, but I do have a tendency to avoid them.
Like **olives **said, I’m more inclined to form impressions about someone based on their clothing and hygiene choices than their body shape or attractiveness, and like Audrey, demeanor and how they treat others is a huge tip off as to what kind of person they are.
Some people are beautiful (outside) and some aren’t, and that’s no fault of theirs. But clothing and behavior are things they choose, and that tells me something at the very least about how they *want *to be perceived, and so I’ll oblige them.
I don’t see a way to do that. I’ve monkeyed with the settings a bit, but there doesn’t appear to be a way to change it from single-choice to multiple-choice. If you’d like to start a new one, I’m sure one of the IMHO mods would be happy to close this one for you.
Female, 34 years old. While I try not to judge on appearance, I do. I think many people underestimate just how important appearance is and that you do make a statement with how you appear.
As noted earlier, being physically attractive (petite with big boobs, tall and heavily muscled, etc.) is neither here nor there. You can’t control the color of your eyes or the shape of your nose or your mouth (well, I suppose you can, but not without a lot of cash). But, how you carry yourself, how you dress, whether it’s obvious that you took the time to look neat, says a LOT about you, whether you want it to or not.
Even if you scream, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts! I’m not going to dress up for anyone. I’m gonna stick it to the Man - so there!” and stamp your foot, you’re not going to get a job if you haven’t showered in five days before your interview. And you will get different service if you walk into a four-star restaurant in flip-flops and shorts with an untucked shirt than you would if you were wearing a nice-fitting suit and pumps.
Whether that’s fair or not isn’t the issue. There are certainly shades of grey (such as a super-conservative suit in a creative, casual office setting), but it’s amazing how little common sense people display with respect to appearance. Yeah, I probably sound prudish, but people notice stuff like that, myself included.
Right. And (and this is an argument I had with my ex monthly) it is *absolutely *saying something about you. It’s saying (even if you don’t open your mouth) that you want to stick it to the man, that you don’t care what other people think. Now tell me why I’d want to hire someone who wants to stick it to me and doesn’t care what my vendors or customers think?
Okay that’s fine then. If you’re a man vote for women and women vote for men. Just for the sake of some order.
I’m just curious about how appearance has an effect on another persons perspective. I’m going to be honest and say a lot of times it can be very harsh. If you’re fat and out of shape looking I’m going to think you’re lazy and a bum. If you look like a bum, i’m really going to think you’re a bum. It’s completely subjective and mostly wrong. So I try to look past that. I know that a lot of the reason fat people are the way they are is through no fault of their own. And poor people look poor and sometimes that is also not completely their fault. My first impression though is difficult to control.
So I think it has so much of an effect when it shouldn’t. Stereotypical “pretty” people get more encouragement and support and thus become more confident. On the other hand, stereotypical “not so pretty” people get ridicule and shame and thus become more insecure. I guess I’m looking for an answer. Why are we wired this way, how important is it, and how can I control it so as not to treat another person badly or miss out on a relationship based on someones looks?
If you look at my answer for women, I picked very important. Basically, if you’re not hot enough, I’m not going to date you. It’s shallow I know, but it’s the truth. What does that say about me? And I know I’m far from the only person with this viewpoint, and think I’m actually quite liberal as far as looks go, so what does this say about society in general?
I chose ‘very’, but I offer the caveat that I’m not judging what God gave you, I’m judging what you choose to present.
There’s a difference between simply finding someone physically un/attractive, and judging them as a person. If you’re not terribly good looking but you present well, I may not be attracted to you, but I don’t think anything bad about you. If you’re Clooney in a pair of jorts and a beater, I’m not thinking “Clooney”, I’m thinking “hick”.
:dubious: A tiny minority. Most of them are fat because they eat too much bad food, and unless they are being force fed, that’s their own fault. Hell, just take a look at the Ben & Jerry’s poll running right now in this same forum. A quarter of the respondents eat one container in one sitting.
That you’re normal? Why would you choose to date someone you find unattractive? Now, what one finds “hot” is totally subjective and can change from person to person, but I doubt there are very many people out there who think, “I’m going to specifically look to date someone ugly!”
I know people of all sizes that do that. Some of the skinniest people I know go on ice cream binges.
The majority of people wind up fat through not conscious choice of their own, and then wind up not being able to lose weight and keep it off once they realize what’s happening.
The biggest problem is literal addiction, as high carbohydrates produce a dopamine response. This is why so many smokers who quit become overweight. Another problem is inability to handle hunger. Another the fact that everyone promotes diets that go too fast. Another is your body actually fighting back, slowing down your metabolism. Another is not being able to afford the healthier food, and thus actually becoming malnourished when trying to diet. Another is complicated stomach problems. Don’t forget diabetes and hyperglycemia.
What I’m trying to point out is that choosing to be thin is not the easiest choice in the world. Just because some people who never got fat can handle it, and even fewer can actually handle going from obese to normal weight, doesn’t mean that the people who can’t are inferior people.
I’ll admit I’m attracted to at the highest the overweight women, but I’m not going to blame other people for my not being attracted to them. And for anything other than attraction, I consider being anti-fat people to be a form of bigotry.
I’m here to make money, so I’m gonna pretend like I don’t have an initial impression. Even though I do. Of course.