It’s 9:05 and it’s been a long day already. Figuring out what to eat for breakfast at home just wasn’t happening, so I decided to indulge myself in an egg McMuffin for breakfast, because it’s Friday, and I’m leaving for vacation tomorrow, and it couldn’t hurt to go to pieces just a few hours early… Off to the McDonald’s drive-thru.
While waiting in the drive-thru line, in view of the menu, I noticed that the much-advertised “McCafe” coffee drinks have finally arrived. “Hmm” thought I. “The coffee at work really sucks ass. It’d be awesome if I could get myself a nice latte here, instead.”
So I order a latte with my egg McMuffin. The lady on the other end of the intercom even asks me if I want regular milk or nonfat. It was the first nice thing that’s happened today, so I say, “why, nonfat please!” and feel that maybe there’s hope. The cashier even called me “chiquita”.
I got to my desk at work and took a sip of my happy, nonfat, easily-procured, bound-to-taste-better-than-office-coffee latte, and what do I find? THE FUCKING THING IS SWEETENED TO WITHIN AN INCH OF ITS LIFE.
AAAARRRGHHHHHHHH!!! I KNEW that would happen. In the back of my mind, I just knew it. OG FORBID MCDONALDS SELL ANYTHING THAT ISN’T PACKED FULL OF SATURATED FAT AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP! Og forbid they sell something that just tastes naturally good all by itself without getting their chemistry on! It’s bad enough that my job is to sit here all day cataloguing all the disgusting food additives in the world but I CAN’T EVEN GET ME A LATTE THAT ISN’T FULL OF THEM??? FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! And now I’ve got the disgusting sweetener taste in my mouth… blllaaahhhh… gag me with a spork.
(sigh) (grumble) off to the office coffee machine. I shoulda stood in bed.