I pit my cheapass welching friends (lame. I'm no good at profanity)

The BBQ Pit
1

About a month and a half ago, my housemates and I were thinking about renting a condo in Mammoth for the weekend and going up for some skiing. We sent email out to all our friends, to see who was interested, and got back a bunch of positives.

My housemate counted up the people and rented a condo for ten people, after confirming the price with everyone. The next day, we get an email from Cheapass Welching Friend. Her husband apparently didn’t realize that, when she called him and said “Hey, want to go skiing? It’ll cost $173 apiece for the condo.” and he said “sure” and we rented a place, that they were going to be on the line for it.

So I tell them that hopefully we’ll find someone to take their spot. But we don’t. And now the trip is next weekend, so I email them again to point out that we still haven’t found anyone, so did they want to reconsider. CWHusband writes back to say that, no, sorry for the misommunication, and I that he hopes their going wasn’t the deciding factor.

I point out that it was the deciding factor in getting a place for two more people, and that that is going to cost an additional $350. And I say that I think it’s unfair to ask everyone else to pay that money, and since the miscommunication was entirely on their end I ask again for them to come or pay their share if we can’t find someone.

I should point out that another friend has dropped out of the trip, but he offered, without even being asked, to pay his share if we can’t find someone to fill the spot.

CWH comes back and says that he’s really sorry, but it’ll only be an extra $50 per person. You know, because it’s totally fine to just charge everyone else extra.

I haven’t emailed them back again. I’m pissed at being put in this position. I’m the only friend link between these friends and the rest of the people who are going, so I have to be the go-between. Additionally, my friend of many years is the wife, and it appears that the husband holds the checkbook, so I’m sure she feels put in an uncomfortable situation as well.

The thing that really pisses me off is that CWH assumes that it’s just not his responsibility. All the rest of us can just pay for their mistake, and I get to collect.

I have half a mind to just pay their share myself and send them a note to that effect, along with the email addresses of the other people going. To the extent that they think there’s something injust about my being out an extra $350, they can either pay me back or beg the rest of the people to pay me back.

2

So do that and stop whining.
Problem solved.

3

I’m glad this is in the pit so I can tell you what an asshole you are. But I bet you ardy knew that.

Fuckwit.

4

First rule of group hols… get the cash up-front before paying for the booking.

Fucking stupid not to, really.

5

Yep. It was meant to be callous and uncaring, but you knew that as well.

The OP screwed-up, and s/he knows it as well. Too fucking bad. If s/he wants fairycakes and lollipops, and people falling over backwards saying what screwed-up friends s/he has, I am not going to oblige.

6

Then why bother posting at all?

7

So if I do not believe that all is gumdrops and lollipops, I should not post? If the OP just wants to vent and whine, **IN THE PIT[/], I should just ignore it.

No. If you don’t like it, too fucking bad. I am not going to “validate” a bad decision the OP made, especially if s/he knows it was a bad decision.

8

Obviously there isn’t a rule saying that one must be kind and sweet to Pit posters. Conversely, there is also no rule requiring one to be a bitch to them.

9

If you do that, either way, it’s probably going to be the end of the friendship between you and CWF’s wife. She can’t side with you against her husband, can she? And both you and her won’t be able to forget & forgive either shemade you pay 350 dollars for nothing, or you made her pay 350 dollars for nothing.
So is your friendship with CFW’s wife worth 350 bucks and a lot of swallowed indignation to you? Then make light of the whole thing, even lie that you have found a replacement in time.
If no, do what you have suggested. She’ll probably will feel shamed into paying and you will probably never see her again.

On a side note, can’t you ask someone you like and would like to get to know better to share in this opportunity? " Hey, me and my friends are going up skiing and this couple have paid up but can’t go, so would you like to come?"

10

iamthewalrus(:3=,

Sorry you are in this situation.
I once offered to organise paying the bill in a French restaurant for 12 friends. At least one miscalculated or forgot what they’d ordered, so we finished up short. I asked everyone to double-check - no luck. So I asked everyone to chip in extra to cover it. 11 agreed, the other said he wouldn’t. After 10 minutes of sulking he coughed up. He never spoke to any of us again! :eek: (I never liked him anyway.)

Although I really don’t like the way scottkris put it, sadly it is best to get the money up front in all these cases:

  • paying for a group meal
  • booking a group holiday
  • selling a house
  • buying lottery tickets

The last two should have legal agreements as well.

11

I’ve been on the other end of it… group of us went out for a meal, and because my wife and I were still at uni, we didn’t have lots of cash to spare. So we ordered cheaper dishes, and stuck with tap water / soft drinks. We’d even said as we were ordering that we were going “cheaper” this time around.

Others in the group ordered bottles of wine and 3 courses, and racked up the dollars.

Bill arrives, and it’s suddenly “right, shall we split this 12 ways”. :smack:

We were looking at paying £40 ($75) each for a chicken salad and a glass of water. So I pointed this out and went to pay for ours separately - most people were fine, but one lad made a huge fuss and even called us “cheapskates”.

I’ve not spoken to him since, and have decided life is far to short to deal with that kind of shit.

In this age of itemised billing I find it utterly bizarre that restaurants insist on producing collated bills at the end of a meal.

12

With the groups I go out with it’s the dieters that end up spending less - something simple, no alcohol. We just chuck in for our own food and work out the drink bill separately. I don’t ever remember a cross word being spoken. It’s also surprising when you do it that way how often you discover that the restaurant has made an error, 90% of the time in their favour.

13

If I have any quarrel with how you handled this (and I really don’t), it’s that IMO your expectation that they were responsible to pay their share should have been made very clear at this point. Something like: “I’m very sorry if your plans won’t allow you to come, but you said you were coming, and we rented a bigger place for more money to accommodate you and you did agree to pay, so we will expect you to pay your share, since it would be unfair to make everyone else pay more becuase you changed your mnd.” Not "Well, we’ll try to find someone to pay your spot . . . . " Not, “We can’t find anyone else to go, so do you want to ‘reconsider’?”

So I tell them that hopefully we’ll find someone to take their spot. But we don’t. And now the trip is next weekend, so I email them again to point out that we still haven’t found anyone, so did they want to reconsider. CWHusband writes back to say that, no, sorry for the misommunication, and I that he hopes their going wasn’t the deciding factor.

I can see that at this point you have to decide if you want to continue to pursue – sending an e-mail with the obvious response, which is just what you said her, which is that the amount doesn’t make it okay to overcharge everyone else – or just let it go.

And I can totally see why you’re pissed. Frankly, if this didn’t make me drop the “friend” entirely, it sure as hell would prevent me from ever asking them to participate in such a vacation again. The only thing that might mitigate the situation a little is if the trip just isn’t financially viable for the couple, and the wife was wrong to say it was – that now you’re asking them for $375 they just don’t have. That wouldn’t make it okay, but would be an understandable reason why they would continue to refuse to pay even when surely they know they ought to.

That would be very nice of you, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. It I doesn’t sound like this couple – husband in particular – will be shamed into doing the right thing; they haven’t been so far. But whatever – make your decision and then let it go. Don’t let this ruin your great ski trip! :slight_smile:

14

I think they do that on purpose. They know that with one big bill at the end, that everyone splits equally, people will spend way more than they otherwise would have. The incentive to be frugal is gone is you are stuck paying for other’s expensive choices anyway.

15

I agree with this. I’ve found over the years that it’s very helpful to be right up front and clear on the details. Of course I had to get burned a couple of times to figure this out. My desire to be seen as a “nice guy” allowed people to take advantage of me more than once. When they first backed out you should have made it clear that since they had accepted knowing the amount , they were still expected to pay. If you can’t get the money up front, which is the best scenario, then mention it before you book. “Once you commit you’re responsible for your share of the bill even if something happens.” Your other friend understood that but not everyone does.

With me it was gas money on long hauls in college. It surprised me when people asked for an interstate ride and then balked at helping with gas money. Today I would make it crystal clear right up front and if they balked they’d find themselves on the side of the road.

If you can afford to pay their bill go ahead and write them a polite letter telling them you feel they are still obligated since they knew the amount in advance. It’s not okay to cancel and then make everyone else responsible for money they comitted to. It’s up to you if this is a friendship breaker or not.

16

Yeah, you’re totally right. The booking took place over a month ago, and I honestly didn’t think it would be this hard finding a few people who wanted to go skiing that weekend. When I originally spoke to them afterward, it was via phone, so I don’t have a record of it, and I don’t remember if I made it clear that I’d expect them to pay their share if we didn’t have replacements.

It’s certainly going to make me not invite them along again on something like this without cash in hand. As for their reasons, CWH does say that the trip as a whole is too much money for them to spend, but my conversations with CWW have led me to believe that this is a point of disagreement between them, and that the decision to bail on the trip was buyer’s remorse more than actual monetary constraints. I would have more sympathy if I really believed they were stretched for cash.

I spoke to CWWife last night. She asked me not to email further, and said she would speak to CWH. She said that if she can’t convince CWH, she should be able to pay for part of the cost out of her own pocket. She seemed embarrassed by his unwillingness to own up to any responsibility for this. So it seems I should really be pitting my friend’s cheapass welching husband, only. In the case that that does go down, I’m not going to take her money. As Maastricht points out, She shouldn’t side with me against her husband (even though I’m right).

17

Having recently been on the other side of something similar to this, which caused me to suppress much rage against my sister-in-law and her mother, I’m going to guess that the OP’s communication of the money commitment was not handled well.

In my case, my brother asked casually “Hey, we’re all thinking of taking a trip someplace, you interested?” to which I replied “I dunno, maybe.”

It turned out that this was considered sufficient acknowledgement for them to put down a $500 nonrefundable deposit for me, without having shared any of the details of the trip. Such as the fact that the resort they chose held nothing of interest to me. Or that the entire trip was nonrefundable.

Calling up and saying “Hey, want to go skiing? It’ll cost $173 apiece for the condo.” is an invitation, not a request for a commitment of money. A reply of “Sure” is also not a commitment of money. In the future, you need to say “We are going to make the reservations, then. You owe us $173 apiece. Send us the money.”

Or, even better, don’t make the reservations until you have the money. No matter who thinks they’re right or wrong in this situation, the way it was handled certainly ensured that everyone was made miserable by it. Being casual about money among friends is pretty much always a crappy way to treat your friends; if they’re friends, you owe it to them to be clearer.

18

What world do you live in?

If someone invites me to do something and includes a dollar amount, and I say “sure”, in my world I have just committed to both the invitation and the cash. I don’t see how there is any other interpretation.

If there’s some points you need to clarify before committing, the time to do it is between the invite and the acceptance. In other words, when you say “sure” you better be “sure.”

19

Of course it is. Your comment to your brother (“I dunno; maybe”) is not, but when someone asks “Do you want to do this/buy this? It costs X dollars” and you say “sure,” you have agreed to do it/buy it for the quoted price. “Sure” doesn’t mean “maybe;” “sure” means “yes.”

20

I live in the world where people feel bad about causing an argument between a friend and her spouse. Even if the spouse may or may not be a jerk.

Maybe someday I’ll move to a nice gumdrop house on Lollypop Lane.