Are there any other shoes to drop here?
Well, now we have a whole different bag of bees. It would be silly for him to feel that way, but that doesn’t mean he’s comfortable vacationing in that situation. You shouldn’t to push too hard for the money. The guy is probably really really uncomfortable with everything as it is.
I just had to jump in here and say that this is not as much of a certainty as you proclaim, as evidenced by the fact that in my 6 years of attending Dopefests, I don’t recall EVER coming up short. In fact, we often come up way over.
At Dopetoberfest, where you would expect to come up short, given that there were something like 65-70 people in attendance, each ordering off the menu at their whim, plus drinks and appetizers and everything else, we came up PLENTY over – IIRC, the bill was around $1,000 and we collected over $1,300 – leaving 30%+ for the waitstaff, which was well-deserved under such circumstances.
In my experience, Dopers ROCK when it comes to sharing tabs.
While I understand jealousy, I’m not sure it excuses the husband for acting like an irresponsible ass. Now it appears he’s trying to screw-overiamthewalrus(:3= just because he had a romantic history with his wife years ago.
(btw, to the husband: who the fuck did she marry, you stupid jealous bastard?)
You know if she wasn’t your friend, there’d be some pretty nasty jokes that could be made about this whole episode. (Like $350/total shags = Price Per Shag, Husband’s new nickname: Pimp-Daddy, Coupe De Villes are bad in snow, etc 
)
I don’t think that the husband is jealous of me. We’ve never had anything but friendly relations before this. I don’t think he’s trying to screw me over based on anything. I’ve known CWHusband for several years, I’ve been invited to parties, college graduations, dinner with CWWife, her brother, and their parents, the wedding, etc. and I’ve never once gotten a jealous vibe from him.
I think this is simply a case of him not realizing that he was committing to the trip, and then holding the purse strings. From his point of view, he didn’t commit to anything, so why should he have to pay for it?
The mention of my history was simply a comment on why I would feel uncomfortable being in the middle of a dispute, not as a likely motivation for their actions.
I guess I presumed the worst; my bad. I’m actually glad its not the ‘jealousy’ thing. And maybe someone will step up to go last-minute; you never know.
I think it’s silly. Your romantic relationship was years ago. At this point, as a platonic friend, she either owes you the money or not. If she (they) owe it, you should not feel bad about asking for it or expecting her (them) to pay it. A miscommunication between her and her husband is no fault, and no business, of yours.
I do agree withb]saoirse** that due to your history maybe the husband felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to go. But that cuts no ice as far as backing out and refusing to pay because, as you describe it, you issued the invitation, she went home and conferred with the husband, and THEN called and said yes.
They owe the money. Their communication problems between each other are irrelevant. Your romantic history is irrelevant. It’s not “complicated,” but you do have to decide whether to make a big deal out of a “few hundred bucks,” justly owed, or just let it drop for the sake of your friendship. I don’t think any of us can make that call for you.
Thank you. You’re right, and I’m waffling for no good reason.
If you weren’t short of funds,and could afford it yourself, I would suggest paying for the weekend, asking the couple to come along, and never speak of it again. If the husband acts like an asshole after that, it’s on him.
That’s a good idea Mad Hermit. If we don’t find anyone else, I might suggest it. Part of the problem is that the rental is only part (probably slightly less than half) the cost for the weekend. There’s also lift tickets, ski rental, food, etc. I can afford to pay for their part of the rental, but not for everything. And I don’t know if they’ll even want to spend as much as the rest of the trip would be.
Don’t know about a house, but I’ve seen idiots who sold a car, signing the title over free and clear, because they were selling it to their “kewlies” friend who “promised they’ll give me the money as soon as they get a check/they kick their dope habit/they get a job/the money fairy visits them.” In one case, a $5000 car was signed over to a person who hemmed and hawed for months, not paying a cent, then finally made up an argument, claimed they had been “insulted beyond all redemption”, and cut off all contact with the seller. Net sale: about $4 (the “buyer” bought the seller a McDonald’s value meal once, so that has to count for something, right? Right?)
Look around. Hell, look at past rants by people on the SDMB. Every time you think “how can someone be so financially stupid?”, there’s always an example to be found. (This isn’t a comment on the OP, FTR).
You know, I like that solution. If you’re going to be out the money anyhow, then you may as well rack up either:
whichever you think will get you the most value…it will either make you look like a Saint, or really make your welching friends feel the burn. For added shame points, make sure that everyone else knows exactly what you’re doing for them, and why. Also, drop a comment during the trip about how “this will probably be the last time I go on one of these trips, so I want to enjoy it. Money is really tight all of a sudden, so I’ve got to start a new austerity program…and I thought things were finally turning around for me too.” Then look into the distance, sniffle, and try to hide the tear that comes to your eye. 
Well my mate was selling one house and buying another. He (rashly) assumed the day before contracts were exchanged on his sale that it was safe to exchange contracts on his purchase.
His buyer promptly dropped out and my mate owned two houses for a while. Since he couldn’t afford to pay cash, he was on a massive loan until he finally did sell a couple of months later. He reckons it cost him a year’s salary.
I agree in general. But this was quite an exception.
3 mates and I were strong chess playing students on a budget and had researched the holiday beforehand. We knew which hotels and restaurants were good value and could all speak a little French.
7 of the company were people we didn’t know beforehand. They were pretty gormless (never tried to speak French), weak chessplayers and had ‘attached’ themselves to us. (This was getting a little boring, since e.g. they kept asking us for free chess coaching.)
The last guy was a competent chess player, but rather unsociable.
When the bill was due, the 7 non-French speakers said they had no clue what they owed. The waiter just shrugged when asked for separate bills, so I was stuck with trying to get things moving.
After interminable waiting for e.g. several people to remember what they had eaten, I managed to collect the required amount less (in Francs) £1.04 ($2).
I was fed up with their attitude, since nobody had thanked me or apologised for being so clueless.
So I stated we needed £0.09 each. The unsociable guy refused for a long time to to pay, saying it was blackmail and robbery.
As you can imagine, my mates and I refused to eat with the others from then on.
The check splitting thing always bugged me too, especially when some people are drinking and others aren’t. My finacee’s friends always do this. Some other friends of ours quit going to any sort of dinner function because they were tired of paying 3 times the cost of their meals. At one gathering, they purposefully came after dinner, just for drinks which they paid for seperately at the bar of the resturant. One of the “friends” came up to them and asked them to pay their share. They didn’t even eat anything!
We’re supposed to go out for “drinks” tonight with said group of friends for a birthday celebration. We’re taking bets on how much a couple glasses of wine is going to cost us by the end of the night. :rolleyes:
You made a group reservation and were informed within 24 hours or so that 2 people were backing out. I think at that point I would have cancelled the reservation, and/or repositioned it as 8 person trip to the parties involved. 50 bucks extra each is kind of a piddly sum, especially if the were informed about it up front.
Bellyaching and pointing fingers at this point is useless. Regardless of your friend’s issues re communicating with her hubby letting this thing fester for a month and half hoping it would resolve itself is entirely your fault. This should have been definitively addressed and solved weeks ago* by you* by re-arranging the split.
I agree that I should have done something back then rather than waiting until now. But we couldn’t cancel the reservation, since we had already sent in a 50% nonrefundable deposit. Perhaps I should have tried to get everyone else to pay more. But what’s to keep the others from bailing on the reservation if I increase the cost by $50? That’s about a 20% increase in the reservation, and others certainly could have dropped out and made their own reservations for less. And I didn’t just sit on my hands. I asked dozens of friends if they wanted to go.
I can gladly report, though, that we found some replacements at the 11th hour, and the worst I had to deal with was not getting there until 1:30am on the first night because I had to wait for someone to get off work.
It never ceases to amaze me at how people can constantly ‘forget’ to add tip money to their portion of the bill. Every. Fucking. Time. What, were you born and raised in LaLa Land where Tipping is a city in China?
The first time it happens, I generally foot the shortage and make a mental note. The second time it happens, I ask for more from the offending party. Woe be unto him if he starts giving me attitude about it.
If I’m with only my friends, I don’t have to worry about being short - most of the time we’re over. But otherwise I make it a point to handle the bill - I’ve seen too many guys trying to get the non-drinking females pay for their six beers. I make a point to ensure that the people who drank more pay their portion.
I used to go out to dinner a couple of times a year with a friend. She gets points or something if she uses her credit card, so I’d give her my share in cash and she’d pay the whole bill. We’re not big tippers in Oz - you may already know that - but I’d always give her some extra to cover my portion of the tip. She never tipped. Not once. So I was effectively subsidising her meal. How could she not have noticed I was giving her more than half the bill? There was really no way to broach it without implying she was a cheaparse, so I never did.
I just wanted to note that flight and I are kindred spirits. Following these simple suggestions will not only alleviate hassle, but you will get quite a few free pitchers to partake in later in the evening.
We’ve been burned before, too. Mr. Pundit planned a class reunion on very short notice and called over 100 guys asking if they were planning on coming. He ordered, and paid for, food and drinks for everyone who said they’d attend without getting the money first. About 25% of the people who said they’d come didn’t show up. That was an expensive lesson at a time when we didn’t have a lot of disposable cash.