My friends think slow and it irritates me.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So a few of my friends congregated to celebrate one of them getting a new job. We agreed that we would get dinner from a grocery store and split the bill to keep the costs low, and eat at a park. Since I am designated driver (not that we drink) I picked everyone up, and we went to two grocery stores and one gas station. We get to the check out line of the first store, and everyone stands back as I pay the bill (fine), then we get to the second grocery store, and again everyone runs away at the checkout line, and I pay the bill. Then I finally get to the gas station to fill up before we hit the park, and everyone sits in dead silence as I unbuckle to pay the cashier.

So I am thinking to myself, what a bunch of inconsiderate jerks, didn’t even OFFER to pay for ANYTHING.

Then, 4 days later, one of them tells me he thinks its unfair that I had to pay for everything, and that I should have let him pay…

Well why the hell didn’t you say “Oh, let me get this, you paid the last one” when we were in the freaking line?! Or at least offer to pay for gas? I mean, come on, you had TWO chances, to pick up the tab.

My parents raised me to never ASSUME someone was going to pay for something, so I always prepare money in case no one has the common sense to pitch in.

I am not going to awkwardly stand around in front of a cashier until someone from the 4 other people decides they should pick up the tab, and they aren’t children, I shouldn’t have to tell them that this is where they pay :smack:

Just for clarification, my friends aren’t the type that take advantage of people, we have known each other since childhood, and we pay for one another whenever possible, this was simply a case of them not thinking fast enough to pull out the wallets while the cashier is standing there waiting for payment :smiley:

Anyone else have a similar experience?

2

You do realise you equally screwed up by paying all bills without saying anything, right?

Here’s what you do now:
Gather all bills.
Total them.
Divide by the number of people.
Send an email/text/whatever you kids do these days to everyone who was there, saying ‘Your portion of the bill is $x, how do you want to pay it?’

3

Your friends think slowly? Yet after four days one of them finally comes around, and yet you haven’t said anything to any of them about how you agreed before hand to split the bill. So at least one of them’s ahead of you.

4

Marijuana is the answer. It will slow down your thinking. Or alcohol.

5

Your friends aren’t slow…you are!

:wink:

6

So, what happened when you told 'em all what the final bill was, and asked for their share? They wouldn’t pay?

7

Unless you drive everyone every single time you guys go out and search for dinner, or you live somewhere where grocery stores are 75 miles apart, I don’t see why you would expect anyone else to pay at the gas station when you fill up your gas tank in your car.

If you agree beforehand to split the food costs equally, it is a lot more efficient to have one person pay for all the purchases than to take turns paying at different stores and trying to figure it out later: “Let’s see, Fluffysandwich, you paid $15.82 at the Stop N’ Spend… PricklyPizza, what did you pay at the MiniQwikie?..Yeah, you paid with a twenty but Cushycucumber got the change from the cashier, how much did he give you?..Oh, yeah, who ran back and got that extra bottle of Snappy Soda?”

Then, after you are done shopping, of course everyone is thinking “Mmmm, food!” and then after eating everyone is thinking “Man, those convenience store burritos suck! Why do I keep buying them?” and the money is forgotten. But if you just say, “OK, let’s settle up! I paid 47.58 for food, everyone give me twelve bucks,” They will all dig out their wallets, and forkout money, except some will say “Here, I’ve only got a twenty, pay me back next week,” and then in two weeks they wil post a message on a message board about how you haven’t paid back that eight bucks you owe.

8

The only person who allows themselves to be taken advantage of is you. When it comes time to pay, tell everyone to pony up before you reach for your wallet. Period. There is no other answer and it’s your responsibility to not be a doormat.

9

“Who pays, who reimburses, and how” can be a difficult thing, fraught with pitfalls. If we were Vulcans – instead of often-profoundly-illogical-and-irrational humans – this stuff would be very simple; but, we being as we are – not so. Such a lot of “baggage”, and anxiety re fearing being thought a Scrooge / fearing being thought a leech or “mooch” / fearing being thought tactless for spoiling someone’s generous gesture / fearing opprobrium for parading our affluence vis-a-vis others in the group / fearing opprobrium re being shamed / condescended-to by others in the group, for revealing our poverty vis-a-vis them: “minefields aren’t in it”. And the above-cited, is only some of what can come up in this area: my (dearly loved) brother and I, have issues re this matter, of another kind, concerning which we have to walk a bit on eggshells around each other.

If people were more sensible, I feel that in paying-and-reimbursing situations, we’d just say beforehand: “let’s pretend that we’re Vulcans, and sort out sensibly and fairly, how we’re going to handle this paying-and-reimbursing”. But, as in my experience human does not, highly-frequently, equal sensible – very often indeed, not likely to happen.

10

But if that would result in more expense or more trouble for me personally, it would be illogical for me to accede to your request that we “pretend we’re Vulcans.” :slight_smile:

11

Well – on planet Earth, probably no way to sort matters of this kind out, to everybody’s satisfaction !

12

Why did ya’ll have to go to two grocery stores?

Why did you pay both times?

I don’t understand how these kinds of situations happen. If I find myself doing something I don’t want to do, I say, “Hey, don’t do want to do this” so someone else steps in. I don’t do something completely voluntarily and then get pissed off afterwards like someone had held a gun to my head the whole. So I’m not understanding what happened here.

13

Same as monstro, not sure what’s hard about telling your friends to pony up.

14

Tell them that the last trip was a less organized than it should have been, fall on your sword that you should have asked them all to pony-up at the time, but that you need to collect the money now to cover your rent and bills.

Expense 1 + Expense 2 + Expense 3 was X. The group is meeting on (list the next date you are all getting together) and could everyone please bring their share ( 1/4 X )?

15

If you and your friends explicitly agreed to split the bill, then I as one of your friends would assume you were paying for everything because it’s easier to have one person pay and you would tell me later how much they owe. So I don’t think it’s weird that they wouldn’t offer to pay at the second stop. Depending on everyone’s financial situations and how close you are (and it sounds like you’re close), they may just be waiting to hear from you to settle up. If it’s a relatively small amount of money that isn’t going to impact finances, it’s easier to get a $20 bill the next time you see them rather than having them go through the trouble of mailing you a check and you having to go to an ATM to cash it.

It would be nice if, when you parted, they said, “Let me know how much I owe you,” but I don’t think it’s a major faux pas that they didn’t, particularly if there was alcohol involved. But that doesn’t mean they’re not planning on reimbursing you.

If the agreement to split was explicit, I wouldn’t be surprised if, when you reach out to them and say, “I finally totaled up the expenses and your share was $24.32. Can you send me a check?,” that they just say, “Ok,” send you the check and have it never occur to them that either you or they should have done anything differently.

Unless you used more than a couple of gallons of gas on this trip or the cost of gas was a financial hardship, I wouldn’t expect anyone to chip in on gas. If I give someone a ride home that’s a few miles out of the way, I wouldn’t expect them to give me gas money.

16

Unless you started with a full tank of gas and emptied it by driving between two grocery stores why would you expect them to fill your tank? How far away was this park?

17

And you’re calling your friends slow? Just how “friendly” are you with these people anyhow?

It was agreed ahead of time. Yet, you went ahead and paid for everything and said nothing. During at least three stops where people should have jumped in to share, as pre-arranged. Days later, you are still simmering but have not said anything? WTF. If these are actual friends, you wouldn’t need to be posting about it here. You’d either suck it up and resolve to make sure they pay as agreed the next time, or realise these people are not actually friends, but cling-ons.

Also I think your parents were dead wrong:

What sort of fucked-up advice is it to be ready to pay for anyone else’s recreation, no matter what?

18

Harsh… but true. The ‘emergency twenty’ you keep is for your emergencies, not theirs.

19

They seem exactly like the type! And after you all agreed beforehand to split costs up, they let you hang, not one, twice, but three times, and like others have expressed, it isn’t them that is slow, but you. I sure the hell would have caught on sooner than that as to what was going on, and also let them know after the first one, that I got that one, who’s got the next. But you didn’t even do that. Gosh, man speak up and ask what is the deal a hell of a lot sooner.

20

Well if they were drunk or affected, perhaps they were worried about spelling the contents of their wallets everywhere, or anyway, stupid and slow…

Well ask them to pay ?
Or next time you go out, them them to pay for you. Pay 100%.

Or, if you need to buy friends , perhaps you might be very lonely if you make a deal out of it. :frowning: