I own my own company. I have employees. I have had numerous stories of insanity through the years. The state trooper calling me after arresting my guy in a case of mistaken identity. The coffee shop worried that someone is dead in a company vehicle. Fishing on the job. Wandering lost in the wilds of SD. The non stop crying employee.
I’ve never felt compelled to Pit any of them until today.
But…you stupid bitch, 4 months ago you left your husband and kids for a married unemployed man-whore that beats you and can’t stand your kids. He set fire to your pants and one of each of your pairs of shoes when you left him to go back to your husband. He threatened to kill himself. You violently fought with him over the chicken coop. You’ve entirely supported his ignorant unemployed worthless broke ass for the last 4 months.
He’s a whiny, overgrown, emotionally stunted child that you know for a fact has fucked other women besides his wife/ex-wife since he’s been with you (His texting you while he’s fucking another someone else might be considered a reliable hint.)
He not only blatantly propositioned me, (his boss! [before I fired him,]) but told my 13 year old son how sexy he thinks I am. You know all this. Yet you still kept on keeping on.
And the day after your divorce is final from your long suffering husband who gave you way more chances than you ever deserved, you run off to another state to MARRY this douchebag?
Un-fucking-beleivable.
You are a great friend and have been a great employee for the last 5 years, but if you are so insane to think this is a good idea, how the fuck am I supposed to trust you to help run the company?*
I know a person like that. The only thing you can do is smile and think of ways to avoid the idiot significant other. I hope the nitwit’s at least very hot.
Douchebag™ wasn’t invited to the Christmas party, and he’s not invited to the company vacation, either. I can’t really stop him from going on the cruise ship, but seeing that he hasn’t been gainfully employed since I fired him 3.5 months ago, I’m not too worried.
Yes, he’s hot. Dumb, mean, whiny and a lousy carpenter, but he is good looking.
Picture a 4’11" woman weighing in at approximately 95# trying to wrest a chicken coop from a 6’2" well built 210# guy amid 25+ chickens in a state of panic at their feet. Then the slapping begins.
You think she should fire her “great employee” for having a messy personal life? I mean, its annoying to watch people make bad choices, but as long as she has her shit together at work, kicking her to the curb seems unnecessarily cruel.
My spouse came in and demanded to know why I was laughing so hard. Then the three parrots wanted to come in the room to find out what was sooooo exciting! Because, you see, I own birds and thus have a pretty good idea what all that would look like…
No, you can’t make this shit up. Reality is just too weird to be fiction.
It’s got to be his and hers chicken coops! And a few chickens to fill them with, because it would be the most awesome wedding reception with chickens pecking the crumbs dropped from the head table. They could even have a chicken for a ring bearer.
