I Pit Myself for Being Unemployable

I am about to lose my second job in two years, and my third good one in eight years.

In my career, it’s always gone like this:

  1. I land a good job.
  2. I excel at said job, get good performance reviews, etc.
  3. Little things start to annoy me.
  4. I become acutely aware of the shortcomings of the business, its management, its clients, its outside suppliers, my co-workers, my supervisor, and the night janitor.
  5. It becomes apparent that I have an attitude problem and get called on it. I promise to do better.
  6. I don’t do better, others’ shortcomings become intolerable, and my relationship with my boss starts becoming adeversarial.
    6a.I consider filing a grievance against my boss over some perceived slight that no one else would even notice.
  7. I’m given a mundane assigment that I am loathe to do, for no discernible reason.
  8. I submit my notice/get fired before I finish the mundane assigment.

I have no one to blame but myself. The part of my mind that rationalizes my behavior says that I demand excellence from myself, and that I expect the same from others and thus can’t work in an environment where everyone around me isn’t giving 110%. The part of my mind that clearly sees the truth says that I’m just an arrogant asshole with poor social skills who can’t hold a job.

My current job is actually a pretty good one. The business has its flaws, but no business is perfect. The CEO is an imcompetent boob, and my boss kisses his ass and is a total yes-man, but I imagine many CEO’s are incompetent boobs and many bosses are sycophantic yes-men, but for whatever reason I have taken this extremely personally and have such a bad attitude about my job that I can barely function here. Three times today I almost submitted my two-week notice.

Clearly it’s time to go into business for myself.

Or, even better, you take your (admirable) self-realization one step further and say: no one can make me feel any emotion. At some level, even if I can’t access it as well as I would like, I am choosing to experience these difficult and adversarial emotions. Therefore, I can choose to experience other more healthy emotions in their place.

This is entirely possible to do. You are telling my story. I have managed to get a grip on this behavior and not to self-destruct in these situations. It’s not easy, and I have to bite my tongue, take walks, and even apologize from time to time. But I changed my ways and you can too. Good luck man.

Yes! Then you can be that incometent boob!

Let me know when you find that job, so I can forward you my resume.

My sister does the exact same thing. It’s not about anyone or any situation outside her. It’s all about something within her. Once she understands what that is and then decides to 1) accept it and own it and 2) decide to learn how to cope with it differently, she will stop having the same problem you’re having.

I think it’s a combo of hating authority, low self-esteem, the fear that she will never be accepted for who she is - and looking for validation at work, instead of with people who know and care about her, and fear of success. Being “unemployable” keeps her in a very predictable and known place. To change this pattern, she’d have to change her perception about herself and her personal efficacy, and since that’s unknown it’s terrifying/anxiety producing.

So she stays where she is.

I am a walking example of how this can be overcome, but first you have to realize and accept that the problem is within you, and that you have the power to do something about it. And to see this reality as empowering, not as a failure.

Oh, and realize that you are not unique. That absolutely everyone has aspects of their job that sucks and they resent. Even the self-employed. Even the folks doing a job they love. This is a part of life.

It’s the same thing with my husband. He has had seven jobs in nine years. He really seems to like his current job, but every time he starts to bitterly complain about some everyday annoyance there, I start hyperventilating because I think it’s going to lead to that “I quit/I got fired” phone call. He’s 57 years old now, so fortheloveofgod I hope he doesn’t start in on this again - it’s not like there’s a buttload of jobs out there for someone like him.

Crap! Bad time to lose a job. In the future, maybe this will help:

  1. Find a person or (better) people who you can bitch to about your job. Use foul language, hold forth at great length and tedious detail about the sick, twisted things you’d love to possess photos of your boss doing with a goat, etc. If your friends have the same job, so much the better-they will understand exactly what you mean.

  2. Learn to say “Fuck it.” It’s only a job, you’re just there for the money. As long as other people’s dumbassery isn’t going to start a fire or put you out of work, who cares? Let them screw up.

  3. Try to regard the things that piss you off as just a few more minor inconviniences no different than, say, a small traffic jam during your commute, or forgetting your umbrella when it rains. Every job has many indignities and genuine pain-in-the ass aspects. Suffering (perceived) fools isn’t really so bad.

HeyHomie: believe it or not, even you aren’t always 110%. I’m sure you have “off days;” you’re not human if you don’t. And from your list, you’d make a miserable asshole of a boss to work for.

Well guess what: on your “off days,” you’re pissing off someone else. They’re now thinking you’re the incompetent, mouth-breathing asshole that’s dragging them down.

Get over yourself, for your own sake. The unemployment line is full (even moreso recently) of professionally competent but otherwise socially maladjusted people.

The chip on your shoulder will get awful heavy when the only thing the unemployment check (if you’re lucky to get unemployment; a lot of states will deny for “termination for cause” or “self termination”) will cover is Hamburger Helper and lots of Ramen noodles.

Believe me, brother, you don’t want to be there now, or for the foreseeable future.

Why would (or should) anyone (including you) give 110% to a job? That is an irrational expectation that gives the working world way too much emphasis. It’s a job, not your life.

Yes, sometimes it is important to do A+ work. But most of the time B work is perfectly fine. And sometimes people can only do C- work. Why? Because they have something else that is a higher priority. Give 110% to the people you love and who love you. Give yourself and others permission to do an average job some of the time. You’ll have a lot more fun, people will like you more, and you will probably be a better member of the team.

Sure seems like it. Maybe your emotional makeup is a gift and not a curse.

:smiley:

And **spooje **can be your yes-man.

Just a guess, but when you go into business for yourself, I’m betting that your new boss is going to be just as intolerable as any of your old bosses.

I battle with the same problems and, niblet_head, you just nailed me in one sentence.

Wow. Truly enlightening thread.

I always thought I was working with dumb-asses, but I suppose some of my unhappiness is my own damn fault.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

One of my friends does this. She can’t seem to hold a job and is always called in front of her boss’s boss and told she has an attitude problem (and, of course, it’s always because those people were “against” her, didn’t like her for some reason – mostly due to her “excellent work” – yes, she’s clearly being persecuted because of how fantastic she is at her job). Now she’s in grad school and is doing it again.

She likes to start trouble. She will complain about her supervisors to their bosses, and now she’s going after one of her professors because of “the principle of the thing.” What did her professor do? Give her a B on a paper after not clearly outlining his requirements. She got an A in his class nevertheless, but over this perceived slight she’s trying to ruin his place at the university.

I do like my friend, but I get totally exasperated by her sometimes.

I have had an attitude problem in the past, but I recognize it in myself and gradually I work through it and am a better employee for it.

I’ve done the same thing too many times myself. I like my current job, mostly because it is so far beneath my ability that I couldn’t possibly care less whether anyone else is incompetent or not. Management has crawled in my ass more than once about how I should join them – I won’t. I have found that it is when I am managing others, and their lack of ability becomes my responsibility that I begin to deteriorate.
Staying out of managerial positions keeps me sane and happy. I don’t make as much money as I could, but I will be in this job longer than any other I have ever held – in fact, I am approaching 3 years with the company now – which is my previous record.
Good luck figuring out what works for you, it’s tough being a misanthrope :smiley:

HeyHomie, I know exactly how you feel, with the only difference being that I don’t demand excellence from myself and then get annoyed at others not giving their best. But otherwise I’ve had a lot of experiences nearly identical to yours.

Let me know if you come up with a practical solution… I’m still working on it myself.

Preach it.

I used to have an attitude problem with similar to that expressed by the OP, but I realized a few things: first, companies have no loyalty and no memory. No matter how well you do, a company will not have your back when the chips are down because they are motivated by profit. If they are losing money, they will lay you off. If you cannot work anymore, they will lay you off. That’s not to say that there are no kind people in business, but there are practical realities that limit what generosity is available.
Second, life outside work is orders of magnitude more important that what happens at work. Nothing that happens in the workplace is (or should be) more important that relationships with friends and family. A career is a means to an end, and while very important and fulfilling, should not be the end all, be all. After you have left a job (moving on, retiring, whatever), you will be quickly forgotten and hopefully, you will quickly forget… Note: I am not saying you won’t make friends, but this is a transfer of people from your work life to your personal life and should be separated from how you view your career.
Finally, you will get further in your career and will get more positive response from people (with regard to getting work out of them) if you get along well with them. Nobody likes someone with an attitude problem. Even if you do more work, you are more likely to get fired than your co-worker who does less but is well liked. It’s not what you know, but who…

Count me as another person in this general category.

With the caveat that I know damned well that I fit into the pattern of “Some people aren’t happy unless they have something to complain about”.

There will ALWAYS be something to bitch about, someone who does something less than perfectly (myself included and I’m hardest on me), some customer or client who is a complete jagoff, some random event that fucks things up. Always.

Perfection is neither attainable nor if you knew what it entailed, desirable.

And from personal experience, butting up against supervisors and management, while sometimes required, is very much like the John Mellencamp song. Authority always wins. Even when they’re wrong.