Ladies and gentlemen, my first pitting thread:
I don’t know about you, but sometimes all that’s getting me through a stress-filled day is a) junk food and b) popping bubble wrap. And today’s been bad. 
Today my husband opened up a package and discovered that some company’s invented non-poppable (unpoppable?) bubble wrap. He yelled, “Have you seen this? It’s horrible!”
There is a special place in hell for whoever invented that, right next to the guy who decided that ostensibly single-player ARPGs need to have lag and desync issues.
Years ago, I attend another Frank Zappa concert. (I was always fond of his warm rapport with the audience, reminiscent of Miles Davis). The concert bill was printed on a tube of bubble wrap type plastic, with about fifty good pops each. The venue was small, and acoustically marvy (Guthrie? Don’t remember, I was, ah, young. Younger.) As we waited for the band to come on, the room crackled with cheerful energy and the joy of people encouraged to do what they might otherwise be embarrassed to be seen doing.
This is a very un-pop-ular product.
Fuck that shit. On the other hand, those big air pillows that (e.g.) Amazon uses for packing a lot these days? Totally awesome. They’re what happens when you give bubblewrap POWERTHIRST.
What kind of monster would do something like that?!
The only thing worse than unpoppable bubble wrap is an unpoppable zit.
The day something I ordered from Amazon shows up wrapped in that is the day I give up e-commerce for good.
How is it un-poppable? What happens if you do try to pop a bubble?
You know what’s not unpoppable? Your eyeballs, if there’s one more like this…
That reference is SO AWESOME that anyone who READS IT becomes instantly SMARTER and they become instantly FUNNIER—they become instantly SMUNNIERRRRRR!
The cells are open to each other. So instead of popping, the air is just pushed around.
“I came here to kick ass and pop bubble wrap, and I’m all out of bubble wrap.”
I’m pretty sure I heard that in a movie once. 
Non -rewindable 8-Track tapes and now this. Is there going to be soda cans that won’t make the “Psssht” sound we’re all used to in the near future?
And fuck the guy/gal who invented non-popable anything.
No love for my crackless prosthetic knuckles?
I’ll bet if you put the whole thing in a big enough pusher, like a hydraulic press, they’d all pop together.
“unpoppable” bubble wrap sounds like a great thing for inducing tension. But some people will just see it as a challenge.
And there are STILL people who think the Devil doesn’t exist…
You aren’t the first one here to be pissed off about it (and rightly so).
Quite sure of it, actually, he was my father-in-law for several years.
All the bubbles are interconnected so if you try and pop one, the air just spreads to the 4 or 5 bubbles next to it and yours remains, tragically, unpopped. The pro is that it’s even harder to ruin what’s inside the package than with regular bubble wrap, as shocks won’t ruin the bubble wrap over time.
The con is that it was invented by Satan itself to relieve us sinners of what was left of our joyful, innocent childhood mirth. And shit.