And the right level of physical attractiveness. And the right race/ethnicity. And the lack of an unsightly disability that does not otherwise hinder performance.
I think the whole point of the OP was that you should pay the servers appropriately and raise the price of the food by 20%, but abolish tipping. If the total paid out by the diner is about the same, then the economics should work.
This hits the nail right on the head.
I have no problem leaving a 15% tip for shitty service – as long as the waiter gets the message that I think he was a shitty waiter. Likewise, I have no problem leaving a 20% tip for a great waiter – as long as the waiter gets the message that I think he was a great waiter.
The problem, of course, is when you get a customer like me and a waiter like alice_in_wonderland – I think I’m paying a high compliment, and he (she?) thinks I am rather lukewarm to the service.
And who decides that?
Congratulations, you have just made my point. People set a completely arbitrary, unspoken standard for gratuity, then simply chastise people who don’t follow.
Instead of bitching at people who “only” leave 20% and complaining how everybody does it and hence only leperous, social outcasts tip below 20%, why not just fucking raise the menu prices by 20% and eliminate the guesswork altogether?
Now, these sorts of social rules work fine when they’re consistent - that is, they’re common etiquette and don’t change over time. The problem, of course, is that they do change over time. Does anyone actually challenge that assertion?
Of course not, it’s so much easier to just assume that the person complaining about tipping doesn’t tip. Waiters know how much the average person tips - well, no fucking shit, they get dozens of tips a day. I, as a customer, have no way of telling what other people are tipping, or even how my tip will be viewed by the waiter.
This was a small bistro where the maitre d’ was also the cashier (and, from what I’ve seen, the owner’s wife). I don’t recall verbatim what was said: at first, it was just polite banter that goes back and forth while the credit card receipt is being printed.
Like most restauranteurs, I’m sure she’d rather have the cash because it eliminates the credit card fee. I believe she asked whether I was paying cash, I said no, there wasn’t enough, and then she asked how much cash there was, and I gave some rough approximation minus one portion (implying I had taken cash from my friends and was paying my portion with card). She said something that sort of shocked me (I don’t remember exactly what), and I remember thinking that the best excuse was to blame my friends, so I told her that they were from out of town (which was true) where tipping was a little bit lower (and hinting that I was throwing in a few extra bucks to make it an acceptable tip). It was probably a mistake, for reasons below, but it’s the best I could do on short notice.
She immediately showed great interest, then, in what I was tipping, and watched me like a hawk. The service was adequate but not great. On a bill of ~$400, I left $75, which, for all I knew, was right on the money. She must have been calculating in her mind, because the next thing she said to me was how “people” don’t tip enough and how a 20% tip “barely covers expenses.” I looked up at her and rather than the normal pleasant smile you get from a server, she had this queer frown on her face. That’s when I realized that she was criticizing my tip.
Had I the presence of mind, I would have confronted her with “Are you criticizing my tip?” right there, but knowing me, the first thing I did was look down at my receipt to make sure I hadn’t done the math wrong. I recall distinctly that my tip was just over 18%, because that’s what people normally add to large parties. She finished off with some comment about the table of 16, and I, already mad at having to drop $50-$60 for a $15 entree, just ignored her and walked off.
yerba, if you plan to keep posting here, could you email a Mod/Admin your previous username so we can close it? We like to keep things tidy.
Hope you stick around, by the way.
My old username is likely “yerba buena” or “yerbabuena” - I honestly can’t remember. I may stick around, depending on whether my classes start picking up in the next few weeks (I just started business school). Maybe I’ll ask my wife to buy me a subscription as a Christmas present (she’s reads the site daily but doesn’t visit the forums). Or maybe we can buy each other subscriptions and air our dirty laundry on the Internet! 
Once a week my granddaughter and I go in the late afternoon to the same inexpensive restaurant. The bill usually comes to about $20. We have the same waiter – just a kid – each time. I leave a 25% to 50% tip. The service is excellent, the kid probably needs the money, and it pleases my granddaughter. Everyone is happy except for a few greedy old misers who just read this.
Get your nose out of my wallet; I’m having fun.
If you don’t like tipping, then don’t do it. Or leave a penny for bad service. Or be cheap and feel guilty if that’s what you choose. Meanwhile, I get to spend my money the way I choose.
Suffer through it.
So you’re a cheap bastard and a filthy pervert. If you ain’t straight dope material then I don’t know what is.
I should also come clean while I’m here. I’m an overly generous tipper. It’s partly because I used to work food service and I remember how nice a good tip felt. In some cases, I figured that I was going to spend a certain amount of money. If it’s less, I add some of it back into the tip. I tip more at restaurants that I go to regularly, like my local coffee house, because I know them and they always do a good job for me.
That said I have no problem witholding a tip for truly lousy service.
Smartest messageboard on the Internet, indeed.
Dude - I’ve NEVER been yelled at by a waitperson. Ever. Even when I was PMSing to the nth degree, wearing shoes that were too tight, having just had a fight with my boyfriend, I’ve never been obnoxious enough to a server to have them yell at me.
I think - particularly considering what a piece of work you think I am - that fact is rather telling, huh?
Regarding 20% being normal - I will concede that it may be regional. I think that in most metropolitian centres 20% is usual; however, 15% is probably the norm in smaller locals. My parents live in a rural area and they consider 15% to be normal.
I guess my main question is…what is the OP’s big huge mystery here? Where is the restaurant/bar where 20% is considered a crappy tip? To the point that the server/bartender makes a comment or some other non-verbal point?
I’ve worked in this biz for ten years. I worked for 3 years at a tourist bar where people came from all over the country and the world. I’ve been stiffed and I’ve been tipped like 400%.
15%-30% remain the normal parameters for average to excellent service. 20% was the “upper end” about a decade ago, but tipping percentages have gradually risen with inflation to the point that 25%-30% tips are now the “upper end” tips. Not that every server/bartender expects or deserves a 30% tip…but if you want to impress them, or they really impressed you, that’s the percentage to ponder.
But I’ve never once received a 20% tip and thought or said anything negative about that customer. I don’t understand what the big deal is, why the OP seems to think that customers everywhere are banding together and tipping so outrageously that they make his/her 20% tip look like crap.
I simply do not get this OP.
[QUOTE=yerba buena]
Side note. When I lived in Maine we frequently had Canadian guests who were notorious for not tipping at all. I know one manager who added a 15% gratuity on Canadian customers and told them up front that she was going to do so. Several resturants I’ve been to add the gartuity in and state it on the menu. I didn’t prefer it because it seemed if the service was bad the choice to let my tip express it was gone. I see for you and some others that a 15% tip signifies less than excellent service.
Thanks for clearing that up. She was way out of line. You were making a special effort to take care of the server and she was critisizing. I notice you didn’t tell mention to your group that their tip was light, which is just a judgement call. I’ve worked in several jobs where tipping is involved. I’ve been tipped a quarter by elderly folks on fixed income and really appreciated it and I’ve had cheap assholes who had plenty of money but tipped nothing. If they had 15 cents change coming they held their hand out for their friggin 15 cents. I figure going through life with that kind of attitude is it’s own punishment.
I remember a waitress being downright rude to my brother and me when I politlely objected to my food being prepared incorrectly. As we were leaving the night manager mechanically asked if everything was okay. When we told him what happened he made lame excuses instead of apologizing and offering anything. Ah well! Manager in training.
In your case the woman surprises me especially if she was the owners wife. You had just dropped $400 and left a reasonable tip. What the hell was she complaining about, and what the hell does barely cover exspenses mean? Do they not make a profit off the meals? Do large parties cost more in shoe leather?
It would have been nice to tell her that if she found your business undesireable you would help her out by taking your $400 someplace else next time and you’d let your friends know they weren’t welcome there either.
To be fair, I’ve been yelled at by a waitress, and it wasn’t my fault. This was the Denny’s waitress who’d brought me rancid half-and-half, and when I asked for replacement creamer, she said, “No.” I looked at her, bemused, until she rolled her eyes and said, “Jesus, I’m joking! What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Anyway, I’d been waiting for ketchup for my fries for a good five or ten minutes. Finally she came out from back and went to an adjacent table. She was chatting with them–I think they were her friends–and ignoring our table, so I leaned over and said, “Can we get some ketchup when you get a chance?”
She ignored me, but when she was done with her chat, she came over and hissed at me, “You never–NEVER!–interrupt me when I’m at another table, do you understand that?!”
Okay, so I guess she didn’t yell. She also didn’t work there very long after that.
Daniel
I didn’t know that. Thanks. It seems better than our current system. Odd though, I lived and worked in Maine a lot and our Canadian visitors had a rep for not tipping. Any thoughts on why that is? Regional perhaps?
I dunno - when I served (oh so many moons ago) pretty well everyone tipped. However, often during local events we would have large number of folks from the US in - they were either EXCELLENT tippers, or didn’t tip at all - this I assume is because they thought it wasn’t necessary.
I know when I visited New Orleans a few years ago, EVERY restaraunt added a 17% tip to the bill automatically. Then if the service was particularly good, you could leave more. However, the group I was with went to Mulats (sp?) - the world famous eatery. It was AWEFUL - the food was fine - not good - just fine, and the service was appalling.
At the end of the meal the waitress dropped off the bill, pointed to the 17% tip added on, and in a snearing voice said “And it is appropriate to leave more than that.” To which I replied “Don’t bet on it honey.” heh.
I don’t know if she said that because she figured out we were from Canada (although not all of our party was), or if she was just a tool.
Oh well - everywhere else we went there was super - I really hope that the rebuilding efforts are successful and someone manages to figure out a cure for the levie problem. 
I was home last weekend, and since the house’s been empty since January, we eat out for every meal on such trips (we’ll be home for good immenently, though!). The service was so variable on this trip, I have to comment:
[ul]
[li]BW3’s – we got off the plane, rented a car, and stopped here on the way home. It was Labatt time. The waiter never left me wanting for a beer. Usually we eat quite a bit at this place, but it was just wings, wedges, and beer. The beer being the important thing, here. I think I left $20 on a $30 tab, just because (and I repeat) I always had a beer.[/li][li]Local Family Bar/Grill/Pizza place – probably my favorite place in the world to eat. It’s inexpensive, the ambience is perfect, and the waitstaff is usually above par. So we decided to take my mom and stepdad to this place for my mom’s birthday. The place was a little busy, but I’ve seen it busier. Usually the waitress takes our drink orders just as soon as we sit down. By time she finally showed up, we’d’ve been through the first pitcher. And to make it worse, my mom hadn’t decided what she wanted to eat yet, so I said, this is the stage where she just takes drink orders. The little c*nt bitched, “we’re busy, so if you could order everything right away my job will be easier.” Knowing my mother hadn’t decided. We finished the first pitcher, but the bitch never showed back up. We couldn’t flag her down, and the empty pitcher placed right on the edge of the table is usually a tell-tale sign, too. What really, really pissed me off was when at the end she said, “I guess you folks won’t be wanting dessert,” and put the bill on the table without the leather booklet wrapper and took off again. All through the meal I was looking at one of the other waitresses whose section we’re normally in and to whom I usually leave at least 20% and wishing I could be there. To our useless idiot I tipped less than 10% – probably for the very, very first time in my life. Then we left as soon as possible, because it was the first time I’d ever stiffed anyone like that, and I didn’t know how she’d react. Really, she deserved nothing but I’m not that much of a bastard. What really worries me is (1) I’ll get her again and (2) she’ll remember us, or (3) I’ll just never be able to go to my favorite place again. Here’s hoping she quits or gets fired before I get home for good![/li][li]Went to BD’s Mongolian. Usually I leave just 15% here, since there aren’t really any waitresses – just a drink-fetcher like at a buffet place. But, we sat in the bar, and I was never left dry, so to me, 20% at a place like this seemed exceptionally generous, and that’s what I left her.[/li][/ul]
Could you just ask not to be in her section? If asked why, I would tell your story - that really is terrible service - I probably would have left nothing, and complained to the manager. However, YMMV.