I don’t know why. I do my best thinking surrounded by people with the music playing. It is like having the comfort of being part of the group without having to deal with the mundane issues that make up the majority of any conversation. That’s assuming I’m there by myself and not with others who I know.
But you’re assuming too much. I mean, I agree with everything you say here, provided that’s what’s happening, but you’re automatically assuming that when we talk about someone declining alcohol, we’re also talking about someone who’s not socializing or having fun. While I will admit that the two behaviors often overlap, they are not dependent on each other.
Put it another way: You see four people standing together at a party chatting, joking, and laughing. All four are holding red plastic cups. Is it impossible for this scenario to occur if one or more of those cups are filled with something non-alcoholic?
Edit: And yes, “second two items” was meant to refer to “not talking to anyone” and “having a good time.” That was weird phrasing on my part.
At least in the scenario I’m most familiar with this happening, the only response is “why are you standing in the kitchen at a fraternity party not talking or dancing then, instead of upstairs watching movies with the guys who aren’t drinking?”
That is, why are you AT a group activity and not doing the group activity?
(I never got hassled for not drinking at these things despite the fact I’d rather punch myself in the junk than drink Natty Ice or Beast Lite, by the by–because I was clearly having a good time or I was clearly the bouncer)
ETA:
Fair enough man, and anyone who hassles you beyond the typical polite standards for asking (as mentioned upthread, some places etiquette demands you be asked 2-3 times) is being a jerk beyond that point.
What is the group activity? I always thought it was socializing. Is the assumption that if you hold a party the activity is to drink rather than to be there with friends?
That sounds fair 
No, but if you’re standing and not talking to anyone and not dancing, then you’re not socializing either. And “hey, man, can I get you a beer?” is as good an icebreaker as any.
But that could be anyone even those who are drinking.
If you asked to get me a beer, I’d say not thanks, but if you have a coke or something similar, I’d be grateful.
There seems to be a fundamental failure to communicate here.
Let’s present some scenarios with person A and person B:
A: “Want a drink?”
B: “No, thanks, I used to be an alcoholic/am not drinking tonight/I have to drive home”
A: “Cool, there’s Sprite in the fridge.”
A: “Want a drink?”
B: “No, alcohol tastes gross/getting buzzed doesn’t sound fun.”
A: " I think you’re missing out on some good stuff, try this fruity drink, maybe you’ll like it!"
A: “Want a drink?”
B: “No, I don’t want to end up puking in the toilet and looking like an asshole like people who drink (by the way, you’re a fucking junkie with bad personal habits and I hope when you are dying of liver failure you remember this)!”
A: “Wow. Just… wow.”
Now, the first situation is no big deal. Very very few people are going to insist you drink. Sure, there will be a (very) few assholes that might be alcoholics trying to validate their drinking. But that’s pretty rare.
The second situation is a little different. People who are drinking obviously like alcohol. It’s basic human nature to try and share enjoyable experiences. And judging from human history, a very large portion of people enjoy drinking. I don’t think it’s an asshole move to try and share something you like; God knows I’ve had more than my fair share of anime fans tell me how awesome Dildokan Gaijin XX is. But it would be sort of dickish for me to get all pissed at the anime fan for trying to share his hobby, unless the guy is shouting “WATCH THE FUCKING EPISODE OR I WILL RAPE YOU!”. It’s not inconceivable that there are a few people who don’t like to drink (though the taste excuse is pretty weak given that there are plenty of cocktails with no alcohol taste). Maybe in this situation a better response is “I’ve tried 42 different beers and drink,s and I just can’t get over the taste – do you have any suggestions? Maybe make me a small one?”
The problem is that a lot of people in this thread tend to come off like example 3, above. Those are the folks that sound like they didn’t get invited to the kegger, or the folks who went to a party and all the cute girls were talking to that douche fratboy and so they ended up standing in the corner thinking how lame this is and not socializing. From there, it’s a short hop to “I don’t need to drink to have a good time like those people do” and then you end up at “drinkers are stupid weak people who can’t enjoy life without being wasted.”
When you get that invested in avoiding something that so many people like to do and that so many people do without serious issues, it’s you that tends to come off like an ass. There is going to be some alcoholic beverage you like – that’s a guarantee. It just doesn’t seem like a big deal to make this stand that “I don’t drink”, unless you’re in recovery or have the Asian flush. Ask for a light rum and coke or a strawberry daiquiri and nurse it. It’s really not the time nor the place to militantly demand that people respect your idiosyncratic views.
Yes, I’m aware “I shouldn’t have to do that just to make other people feel better!”. But I shouldn’t have to be polite to the counter jockey or listen to Bob at work’s story about anime and act interested or laugh at someone’s joke that isn’t funny or avoid pointing out the gaping flaws in someone’s belief or pretend to enjoy someone’s poorly cooked meal and even going so far as to offer a compliment upon it. Those are all things that we do as polite members of society.
The moral here is that accepting a drink is a cheap and harmless way to show others that you understand the tenets of polite society, and not an intolerable burden placed upon you. I doubt anyone is demanding you get shitfaced; that’s rare and probably unacceptable. The OP and some others in the thread want to make some big moral stand, which is their right, but sometimes, like in the OP’s situation, discretion might be the better part of valor, because you’re coming off like a preachy judgmental asshole and alienating people who are your friends and colleagues.
Actually, not a single person except maybe the OP, and that’s a stretch, is coming across like that at all. There’s a big goddamn difference between what you’d say in a social situation and what you’d say in a conversation about such social situations. This is a big, big mistake I see all the time in threads here; just because someone’s willing to say it here doesn’t mean they’re utterly lacking in the ability to distinguish when it is and isn’t appropriate.
So be a good boy and try not to make those strawmen too big, okay?
If you show me your Red Breast, I’ll show you my Black Bush. And maybe we’ll end up doing some Feckin.
Actually, a lot of posters are coming off like that. Including you. And the point is not that they are necessarily being inappropriate, but they are getting a bit too bent out of shape about nothing.
BTW, you’re also a fucking twit who I have yet to see contribute anything more than bland banalities. But I wouldn’t say that to you at work, so I guess we’ll have to take that as me understanding the board isn’t real life.
Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Go piss up a rope, you pompous windbag.
You know, on second glance, you actually aren’t the person I was thinking of vis a vis being a militant non-drinker, so I retract that part of my post.
And you can’t hurt my feelings; I don’t have any.
Ha, fair enough.
Actually, there probably isn’t. And I don’t need to try every damn one of them to know that, thank you so much.
This seems to be a sticking point with some people. They can’t accept that what they do doesn’t appeal to others. Example: My wife drinks rarely. She is an easy drunk, but she drank a lot when she was younger. She’s also done about every drug that was available in the early 80’s. So, she’s tried most of the common drinks. Her take on drinking is that it tastes like shit, but you do it anyways for the affect.
Does that mean that there isn’t a drink I could drink? Not at all. But the amount of alcohol in it such that I wouldn’t spit it out would probably be so small as to not make it worth having the alcohol in it in the first place. To some people Cilantro tastes like soap. Sorry if that offends you.
On the other hand, I have no desire to be drunk. I have no desire to do drugs of any kind other than what my doctor recommends. I don’t need to get a buzz or the warm effect or whatever else you think alcohol does for you. There are no benefits for me doing so. None at all.
That some people need to have alcohol to interact with others is beyond me. You may think I’m looking down on you for it, but I’m not. I actually feel somewhat sorry for you that your ability to socialize revolves around alcohol. Maybe people need it to overcome their insecurities. I don’t know.
Bosstone, what was it you were saying about posters not coming across as judgmental pricks?
The difference is I know I’m the Kettle. But, you don’t know you’re the Pot. It’s probably because you’ve killed too many brain cells over the years drinking.
I totally buy this, incidentally. Some alcohol has no taste, but there’s some sort of sensation in the mouth that alcohol causes, and when I first tried it in a fruity drink, I found it highly unpleasant. Now I don’t mind it (although I still don’t much like most fruity drinks), but it’s certainly a detectable sensation, and if someone doesn’t like it, no skin off my nose; I won’t try to convince them it’s not there.
So then you think the people in this thread who say things like this
this
this
and this
…will simply say at a party, “No, thanks, I don’t drink,” which will almost always result in people offering some non-alcoholic beverage and/or walking away? If so, why do they seem to think so many drinkers are so pushy? Are they focusing on that 1 in 100 asshole who keeps trying to force a beer down everyone’s throats, or do you suppose they come off as fanatically anti-alcohol and douchey in real life as they do here?
As with most things, people remember the unusual times in their lives and the things that affect them personally. As you’ve said in other threads your friends can go to a bar and have a drink with no problems. I’m sure you’ll admit that a few times you’ve had to help a few of them home because they’ve had a few to many. No bid deal to you. For those of us who don’t drink, or hang out with those that do, it is a more memorable event if something like that happens.