I pit pushy drinkers. That's all of you (in my experience)

It never fails that with 100% certainty, anytime the subject of drinking is brought up that attention turns to me. You see, I’m in my late 20’s, but unlike most people, I don’t drink.

It’s not a religious thing (and that makes it worse), its a taste thing. I just never got into the whole getting-drunk-off-your-ass-and-making-a-fool-of-yourself thing. I didn’t drink on my 21st birthday, I didn’t really have more than a sip until my 25th or 26th birthday, and that’s only because I was promised tits (which I enjoyed thoroughly :D).

To me, alcohol tastes bad. I don’t know how the rest of you manage to convince yourselves that the shit tastes like ambrosia, but I always detect the bitterness and it overpowers anything else the drink might have been mixed with. It is always there, and always sickening.

I almost wish I had a religious objection to it. Usually, when someone mentions that something’s against their religion, the subject is dropped. “Mohammed, why aren’t you eating the sausages? Oh, you’re a Muslim, no problem.” Instead, its always “Hey I know you don’t drink, but try this, it’s great!” or “You can’t taste the alcohol in this, come on try it! Just a little sip, I promise you’ll like it!” And so on and so on. I don’t want to lie about it, and besides that no one will believe I’ve suddenly developed religion after being a flaming atheist for so long.

Recently, our company had it’s annual Christmas party. It was fun, except for the forced socializing and the drinking. I took a sip of something called a Midori Sour, which apparently was guaranteed to taste good, from a friend of mine. It was like drinking cough syrup, and not good cough syrup, but cough syrup that had gone bad. The look of incredulousness on his face when I said it tasted like crap was like the surprise one gets when one finds out their having twins, but they are Hitler and Stalin’s reincarnations. If there was a battle strategy based on that reaction it would be called Shock and Horror.

I suppose that due to the various ways alcohol is made for consumption, people always assume that I will just *love *their personal favorite drink, no matter what my experience with alcohol is. “You’ll like THIS drink”, they’ll say with the confidence of betting their newborn on a game of poker. “You can’t taste the alcohol at all.” Sometimes I wonder if they’re deliberately lying in order to get me to drink. I’ve concluded that no, some people are really that delusional. My longtime friends I would expect to trick me like that. Not people I barely know, or coworkers I don’t hang out with. With the endless variety of drinks that can be mixed together, I fear that I’ll be subject to other people’s impossible life quest for the rest of my life. “40 years old and you don’t drink? Come on, what’s the harm?” “You’re 50 and don’t drink? Take a load off, you’ve earned it!” “Hey you’re 80 now, who cares what happens, take a sip!” I’m half afraid someone’s going to bury me with a shot glass as some kind of ironic tribute to my life when I die.

Then there are those people who I secretly refer to as the Goku’s of drinkers. If you don’t know, Goku is the main character in an anime (Japanese cartoon) called Dragonball. He’s an alien from a race of super powerful fighters. His race has this obsession with fighting, to the point that “testing their strength” becomes a sort of lifelong goal. Goku, despite being the good guy, constantly puts his friends and innocents in jeopardy because he wants to fight the bad guy at his strongest, so he allows his enemy to get stronger so that he could fight against the best.

The Goku’s of drinkers are like that. They say to me “but how would you ever know how much you can handle if you don’t drink?” My answer is always “WTF do I care how much I can handle something I don’t like?” I don’t plan on drinking, so I have no interest in seeing how much I can handle. I don’t need to go around bragging to other people that I can or cannot handle a lot of alcohol. Besides, if I can handle a lot, that just means it’ll cost me more to get drunk, the apparent goal of drinking. Shit, I’d rather be unable to handle alcohol at all, it’ll save me a ton of money that I see friends and coworkers dropping every time they go out drinking and I’m dragged along.

Then there are those who try to goad me into drinking with taughts. They would say that I can’t handle my drink, or that I drink only pussy drinks and not hard liquor. Next time I get one of those assholes on my case, I’m going to piss in a cup and ask him to try it cause “it’ll taste good, trust me”. Or just wait until they pass out and piss in their mouth, it’ll save someone the bother of having to wash one more cup.

Strangely enough, I don’t get any of this shit from coffee drinkers. I hate coffee too, with a passion. Though I can be pressured to at least sip alcohol, I won’t come without 5 feet of coffee. That stuff tastes and looks like shit. Even if I’m dead tired and need to stay awake, say, to herd endangered pandas over a river of lava on a rickety bridge, I still won’t touch the stuff. But coffee drinkers are cool with that. They’ll just shrug their shoulders and go back to enjoying themselves. Too bad drinkers can’t do the same.

You’re hanging out with the wrong people. No one in my social group would ever attempt to push alcohol on someone who made it clear they weren’t interested.

Yeah, I have plenty of friends who don’t drink, and nobody tries to make them or talk them into it.

I mean, I’m sorry these people are assholes, but it’s because they’re assholes, not because they drink.

Everyone has different tastes, and what to you tastes bitter and nasty to some tastes flavorful and delicious. This is true with everything, for example, I would rather have my genitals lit on fire than watch Dragonball. So there’s that.

With that being said, you have 2 options when it comes to your friends: 1- get better friends. 2- Lie. When you get to the bar, have the bartender get you some tonic with lime, and just sip one of those all night. your friends will think you found a drink you like and stop harassing you.

When it comes to strangers or co-workers. you can lie with more authority. “Sorry, I’m an alcoholic in recovery. The judge said if I drink I have to go to jail for that kid on the bike.”

Jeeeez, lighten up and have a drink already.

Tell your friends to fuck off next time they do that.

The coffee drinkers don’t harangue you? I’ve had coffee drinkers, alcohol drinkers, meat eaters, dessert munches and vegy pushers harangue me, because they are that type of person.

Was it spiked with estrogen or something?

It’s probably because you haven’t found the right type of drink. Here, try this banana rum, you’ll love it! :smiley:

“Pushy drinkers? Really, Double-Oh-Seven, must you be so crude?”

You either need new friends or better come backs.

Statement:“C’mon, have another drink.”

Response: “Trust me, if I do, it’s not going to make you any more attractive. So you can just forget about that plan.”
Statement: “But how would you ever know how much you can handle if you don’t drink?”

Response: “Yeah, that worked well and you got a brother out of the deal too.”


Response: Pull out a syringe and pretend to shoot up. “You know how much you can handle of this, pussy?”

Here. Try this crack.

So… what was fun about it then?

Now I’m picturing you taking a drink, and breasts suddenly appear on your chest with a Don Martin-like SPROINGGG!

Mrs. J. is a nondrinker and I a very limited one, and we always used to get crap from my father about it when we ate out together (including references to us as “teetotalers” - I am not Carrie Nation, I just don’t feel the need for a drink or wine every time I go out to dinner). It seems to make a lot of drinkers uncomfortable if someone around them doesn’t share their predilections.

I was on your side until that statement. Pervert. :slight_smile:

Are you friend’s with this OP’s asshole friends?

My boyfriend doesn’t drink at all either. He used to but said that he really just didn’t like hangovers and was getting too old for that shit. So he doesn’t drink period. He’s had unknown amounts of liquor pushed under his nose with the “but just one” and “you’ll like this one I promise!” and last, but not least “oh, are you in recovery?”

I will admit that I did ask him the last one but I couched it with “I’m asking because you are so adamant about not drinking and I do drink so I want to know if this is going to be a problem for you.”

So really, if they are going to be that freaking pushy about it time after time after time I think I would hang out with a different group. I don’t know why people want to do this but Harmonious Discord is right: it happens a lot and people are really very convicted when it comes to food and drink.

One thing, though, that I’d like to point out. I did not have to convince myself that this “shit tastes like ambrosia” - I actually do like it. I like the warmth of bourbon in the back of my throat and chest when sipping it and I like the cool crispness of a beer during football or golf. I’m not a self-delusional alcoholic that chokes down something I personally find repulsive just to fit into social norms or self medicate. When you say you don’t drink, if you are giving off a superior tone like you did in that particular paragraph (not in your whole OP, though!) it will automatically put people on the defensive that might make them launch into the whole “oh just have a drink” tirade. Not that it makes it any better, but maybe it’s a key to stopping it in the first place.

These are a problem. You seem to think that alcohol inherently tastes like shit and you are the only one cool enough to have noticed it–that everyone else is deluding themselves because they want to get shit-faced (which is not the goal of drinking for most people over 24 or so). “I don’t drink, alcohol tastes like crap” is a challenge. It’s attacking the other person’s taste. “I don’t drink” is simply a statement. “I don’t like the taste” is a personal preference.

I mean, if someone says to me “I don’t like anime, it’s all immature crap”, I am going to try to find an example that they might like even though I am not a fan of anime myself, just because their casual dismissal of the whole genre will piss me off. If they say 'I don’t like anime, it just isn’t for me", it doesn’t bother me at all.

Drave a hink and fut the shuck up.



Just to inform you, there are reasons to drink that don’t inlcude the whole getting-drunk-off-your-ass-and-making-a-fool-of-yourself thing. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But the impression you give is that when offered a drink, you say “No, thanks, I don’t drink, I don’t like the taste.” If someone says to me they don’t drink, it is conversation over. If they say “I don’t like the taste” it seems to me to be opening the door for “have you tried this?” If someone tells me they don’t watch cricket, then I won’t try to convince them it is the best game ever. If they say “I don’t watch cricket because it takes too long” I feel perfectly at ease asking “have you ever seen Twenty20 - it’s a shorter, faster paced version.” I would be a little shocked if that person then suggested pissing in my mouth while I was asleep because I had said it.