When someone pushes another round of drinks on you.

Unlike many of my contemporaries, I’ve started enjoying alcohol only in the last few years both in the house and out in public. Dealing this this kind of situation is new to me.

A few days ago, I attended a retirement brunch for two colleagues. The brunch started around 11:00 am and kept going till about 3:00-3:30 pm. ( This was attended by people who work in morning television. Everyone was finished with their work day by 11:00 am. )

One of the other folks in attendance is a fellow I taught many years ago. A completely professional warm well-humored fellow to know. I’ve worked by his side many times in the last few years.

As the drinks flowed and the truth serum aspect of alcohol emerged, this most heartfelt fellow insisted that he buy me yet one more round. " One and Done, for the man who gave me my career " and so on. Very sweet the first time it happened. But he kept at it and by the third " One more and Done, honest " he was pretty lit and I was telling him if I had another drink I’d get sick.

He was mortified and insulted, but not quite angry, that I was resisting the last last last round.

It didn’t get ugly. I relented, had another round I did not want, sipped it politely and the event folded up naturally. ( And this guy - incredibly - went off to do another shift of work elsewhere. Completely intoxicated. :rolleyes: But I digress. )

I need to figure out how to handle this guy when this happens again. I’m not responsible for his behavior. Had I been able to shut him down earlier, he’d have left in better shape and I would have left not feeling as though alcohol had been forced on me.

How do you handle it when someone pushes “just one more round” ?

You need to be assertive. “None for me, thanks, I’ve reached my limit.” Repeat as necessary. Don’t get sucked in to trying to explain or justify, just politely and consistently insist that you’ve reached your limit. If he orders you a drink anyway, don’t drink it. Don’t allow him to bully you or guilt-trip you, don’t waver. “I’m sorry, I’ve reached my limit.”

If they don’t take my first “No thanks”, I tend to just get the drink, and then not drink it. Most of the time people are too loopy to notice you’re not drinking, and it’s easier to avoid the confrontation by accepting it even if you have no intentions of drinking it.

IME, it’s not that they’re mad that you won’t take a drink from them, it’s more that they’re annoyed that they’re drunker then you and they want you to catch up (and they’re feeling generous). A couple of firm “no thanks” is usually all it takes. At a bar, if you just nurse the drink you have (or the first one they buy you), you can sometimes keep them at bay with a “when I’m done with this one” then make that one last 20 minutes and find an excuse to leave, if you’re ready to leave, otherwise just a simple “No thanks, I’m done for the day/I have to drive/get some stuff done around the house/go back to work”.

I’ve never had someone ‘mad’ for more then about 30 seconds that I wouldn’t let them buy me a drink.

This. And you have the bonus of the next time it comes up you just hold up your drink and say “Oh I’m still working on this one”

As a “social alcoholic”, I agree with Gary T, you must assert yourself that you do not want another drink, even if they’re buying.
I quit drinking heavily years ago but am still able to have a couple of beers without falling back into my old habits because I’m not that person anymore and I know my limits.
I’m faced with this situation often, especially when I run into old drinking acquaintances, it’s tough because I know if they put it in front of me I will probably drink it, so I’m adamant that they don’t buy me anything at all.

I just say “No thank you, I’m done.” I can’t think of anybody insisting after that. In recent memory, anyway - maybe back in my partying days my rubber arm could get twisted.

Nowadays I just politely decline and say I have to drive. If for some reason the drinks are still forced on me I’ll take a couple of sips to be polite, then wander off and leave the drink somewhere. They don’t need to know that I didn’t actually drink it.

This. With a few exceptions, most of your friends and business associates who are otherwise decent folks, won’t really be mad about this. They think they’re being extra polite by pushing another round at you, or don’t want to feel bad about how much their drinking. In any case, they’re drunk and probably won’t actually feel like either of you acted inappropriately when they sober up.

That’s his problem, not yours. I’ve never had a problem just saying “Sorry, not for me” or if pressed “Sorry, I’m driving.” Anyone who pushes beyond that is not someone I care if I offend.

I’ve never been in the situation described in the OP, but I wonder if it would be acceptable (from the drink-buyer’s point of view) if you just said “make mine a Coke this time”? That way they still get the ‘satisfaction’ of buying you a drink, and they don’t have to drink alone…which I suspect is a large part of the reason that they’re pushing another drink on you.

A few of you have mentioned this. Normally a superb way to go. I tell people I’m a retired E.M.T. ( true ) and that I’ve had my fill of seeing what drinking and driving produces. They ease up.

These folks knew that I was the only one ( weirdly ) sitting at an Irish bar in Midtown Manhattan who was NOT driving home after the party. They all live out of the city… I take the subway home. :dubious:

+1. If someone continues to push after you play the driving card, they deserve to be offended.

(not that i think drinking & driving is just a card to be played, it is no joke)

So what? Seriously, if you can’t refuse a drink then you shouldn’t be out in public at bars. I just order a diet coke and anyone who has a problem with that isn’t my concern.

This was the first time this happened to me. Hence this thread. Looking for thoughts on the matter.

If you don’t want to say anything: come back from the loo with a small layer of apple juice in a whisky glass. Sip it thoughtfully. Stroke your beard. Works every time :wink:

Or if they insist on buying it for you, say “OK, cocktail time, I’ll have a virgin cuba libre!”

Yup. If you are with drunk people that you absolutely have to lie to, in order to prevent them forcing alcohol on you; tonic water is indistinguishable from gin and tonic; ginger ale looks like whisky and soda; coke could be vodka/rum and coke.

Otherwise, its OK just to say no. If they try to insist, tell them it will end up with you vomiting on them.

Remember that he is drunk. Tomorrow he is not going to remember, or he is going to be ashamed of his actions. You just have to get through the night, not avoid long term offense.

If politely refusing doesn’t work, try ordering a ginger ale. It’s a good idea to alternate with non alcoholic drinks anyway. Chances are he just wants to extend the night, so he’ll be happy if you are drinking anything.

This has been my experience as well. “One more drink” is the adult version of “don’t go to bed, let’s stay up a little longer” from slumber parties. So order something non-alcoholic if you want to stay and chit chat, or else say “Sorry, I’ve got to go” otherwise.

If you are drinking something that isn’t awful when warm/diluted by ice (maybe even if you are), don’t finish your last drink. This won’t work for shots, and I don’t know if it would work on the guy in this story, but refusing a round seems to go over quite smoothly when you raise a 1/3 full glass and say “Skip me, still working on this one”

I tip well and know the bartenders by name. In return, they are happy to help out in this situation. She charges the guy/gal for my drink, but gives me a convincing fake. Next time I’m there, she gives me the drink that was paid for.