For those of you who don’t drink, has anyone tried to trick you into drinking? Did you know it as soon as you took that first sip or were you completely duped?
For me, it happend twice. I used to work as a counselor at a Boy Scout camp. Somone on staff that summer (back in '89) threw a party at their house. It was fun: we watched videos and threw jokes around. I, of course, was not drinking. Someone thought they would try to fool me into drinking a coke with some rum in it. I took one sip and immediately knew it had been spiked. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but I did press them to find out who spiked it and what it was spiked with.
The other instance was a wedding reception I was at with my GF (now wife). We had only been dating about 3 weeks. This was a time in her life when (and she’ll deny this) her circle of friends would frequently influence her behavior. It was also the first time her circle of friends had met me. When they found out I didn’t drink, they all started vollying me with questions like, “Why? Did you have a bad experience with it? Are you allergic?” and so on. Finally one of them ordered a coke with some rum in it. According to my GF, they had only put in a tiny bit in the bottom. I could taste it and refused to drink it. Everyone else couldn’t taste it and subsequently classified me as a “goody two-shoes”. Fortunately my GF grew out of this circle of friends and became the wonderful woman I came to marry.
One day these people will spike someone’s drink who is taking Antabuse, and that person will be violently ill. Maybe then they will learn not to be such jerks.
If someone tells you he doesn’t drink, it’s very rude to ask why. But it’s also a very common rudeness these days. They’ll also ask you why you don’t have kids, or why you have so many kids, and if you had to get married, and whether your recently-deceased parent left you money or not.
I’m not aware of anybody ever spiking my drink, during those times that I don’t drink.
Look out, someone’ might post a thread in the Pit complaining that people who don’t drink are talking about not drinking in a thread about not drinking.
One night I drank vodka and pineapple Kool-Aid (don’t ask). The sugar in the drink hid the vodka taste and I got very, very drunk before I knew it. I was so violently ill that night and all the next day that I can practically count the number of alcoholic beverages I’ve had in the nearly seven years since then on one hand.
In high school and college, I always tried to respect those who chose not to drink. During my bf’s senior prom party, some people came who were complete teetotalers. I made sure to let them know that we had canned Cokes available, so they didn’t have to worry that their drinks were spiked.
Legomancer, I know what you mean. I was in complete agreement with you on the drug Pit thread and couldn’t believe people would complain about those of us who choose to find our happiness in the real world.
After getting through the September 11th attacks without drinking (no mean feat), I go to my dentist on the 26th and get handled a shot glass of Listerine to rinse with. That stuff is over 50-proof. The hygenist apologized profusely. It was an honest mistake, with everyone still being so rattled.
People do egg me about how I should have just one drink. For me, there is no such thing as “just one drink.”
This I dont quite understand. If I were to offer someone a drink, and they were to tell me that they didn’t drink, I’d probably first say ‘oh, okay’, and then inquire as to why. Of course if they told me it was just a personal choice, or that they didnt want to tell me, I’d let it drop, no problems. But why is the asking, in itself, rude? On my part it’s simple curiosity.
Regarding asking why someone doesn’t drink, I guess it might be awkward if the reason the person doesn’t drink is that they are a fcrmer alcoholic. This is (presumably) one fairly common reason people wouldn’t drink, and having to make up an excuse to explain why they aren’t drinking, rather than saying “I can’t drink because I used to have a drinking problem” wouldn’t be any fun.
IMHO, It’s not rude to ask why… once, but to continue bombarding me with questions about it (as if I were some sort of freak)… well that is rude; and then to introduce me to everyone in your group as “This is Dragwyr, he doesn’t drink!” is especially rude. No, I’m not an alcoholic. No, I didn’t have a bad experience with it. No, I’m not some sort of born again holier-than-thou freak whose underwear is in a wad over the “evils” of drinking.
I don’t drink. Not excessively, anyway. I don’t usually. If I’m at a DopeFest or something, I may have one or two. That’s it. I have no problem telling people that, nor do I have any problem with people who want to know why. I’m young (28), in good health, yet I don’t drink. No big deal. But too many people in my family have lost too many battles with it for me to want to end up like them. I used to drink. A LOT. Like every other night I’d get ripped on vodka and get weird (and for those that know me, they know I’d have to fucked-up in order for me to consider myself weird). One night, I was at a party. I drank too much, and blacked out. I woke up hours later in a completely different city. A distance of about 30 miles or so. In a house I’d never been to before that night. No one else was there but me. My car was nowhere to be found. I called the guy I went to the party with, and he asked me where I was. He eventually came and got me, but to this day, I have NO IDEA how I got there. That was enough for me.
Mnementh, if you ask me why I don’t drink, and I say, “Because I choose not to,” are you going to leave it at that? Or do you REAAAAAALLLLYYY need to know? Will it enhance your enjoyment of life if you know why? Or are you eager to use your various arguments against my choice? Maybe you have an alcoholic relative, and you’d like the chance to tell me about it.
There are lots of things I don’t tell new acquaintances, just on principle. Maybe one day we’ll get to know each other very well, and I’ll tell you why I don’t drink, when I have a much better idea of how you’ll react to it.
Anyway, sometimes I drink. This only applies to times when I’m not drinking.
Hopefully this isn’t a highjack, but I really don’t see what the big deal is with asking somebody why they don’t drink, as long as you don’t make a big deal of it.
If someone doesn’t drink because they used to have a drinking problem, maybe that’s good to know so that you don’t get trashed in front of them, or ask them to come to the bar with you.
Not to mention that you probably aren’t going to be the only person to ask them this question.
I think this is a pretty valid point, isn’t it?
By the way, I’m a drinker now, but I haven’t always been. I used to be the one at the party explaining that I just didn’t like to drink. I wasn’t ever offended when people asked me why I wasn’t drinking.
Just my two cents. (hopefully no one is terribly offended!)
I don’t drink much…if I do I average about 2 drinks…anything past that makes me feel pretty yuck and leads to an inevitable headache the next day.
My roommate doesn’t drink at all…he used to in college and pretty much gave it up after overdoing it on the SoCo one night. When he does find himself in a situation where most everyone is drinking he will get himself a gingerale with no ice…looks like beer to everyone else…and cuts down drastically on the questions he would get bombarded with if seen without a drink.
I’ve seen him go through the “Why don’t you drink?” quiz over and over again…is it really that difficult to understand that he just doesn’t like it?
Of course lots and lots of people are going to ask why one doesn’t drink. That doesn’t make it less rude. Why not be the one polite person who doesn’t ask?
Here are some possible reasons for someone not to drink. I think you will see that they involve privacy:
I’m a recovering alcoholic, and if I drink I will likely spiral down into a hell of depression, self-loathing, friendlessness, poor health, unemployment, etc.
I’m a recovering alcoholic taking antabuse, and if I drink I will be immediately, violently ill.
I’m on a medication that I don’t want to talk about, for a health condition I don’t want to talk about, and if I drink, I will get violently ill.
Same as above, but if I drink the medication will be rendered ineffective.
A close family member was an alcoholic, and after years of misery, he/she took his life with a bullet to the brain.
Knowing the health effects of alcohol, I choose not to subject myself to it.
I am a practicing Muslim, Mormom, etc.
My personal beliefs proscribe me from drinking. I don’t choose to explain them to you.
As you can see, these are highly personal and not the kind of thing anybody ought to be pressured to share upon short acquaintance.
One of the reasons I listed above is my personal reason.
I’m pregnant, and I’m not telling anybody yet, because I’ve had a few miscarriages and don’t want people congratulating me for something that may well end in tragedy.
It is rude to ask why. My feeling is - What makes it any *&^%# business of yours even to ask why? This is probably a holdover from the days when alcoholism had a more negative stigma attached to it than today. My father is a recovering alcoholic (20 years this year) and this is what I was taught. Even though the stigma is not as strong these days, I still consider it rude. If we’re out for dinner and you offer me a roll and I turn it down, are you going to say “why? don’t you like bread?” Maybe you would but most people just move on to something else and I consider that to be the only polite reaction.
Not to pick on Mnementh, this applies to all of you who think it’s ok to ask “why?” It’s really none of your business. You don’t need to be told they’re an alcoholic, Assume they don’t wish to drink and that if they change their minds, they’ll get a drink themselves or ask for one.
Some people are still embarrassed about alcoholism. Why would you want to put them in a position where they have to admit it or avoid it?
Agreed. MrWhatsit is a strict teetotaller, and frankly it’s none of anyone’s business why. (It’s personal, and involves family history.) Yes, it’s easy for him to say, “I simply don’t like alcohol”, but it’s just as easy for someone not to ask the question in the first place. It is in the same category, as someone mentioned above, as such questions as “So how come you haven’t had kids yet?” or “Hey, when are you two getting married?” The answer to any of these questions is most likely going to be deeply personal, and the polite thing to do is to respect others’ privacy and not ask those types of questions.
To address the OP: MrWhatsit had a bad experience at his brother’s wedding, at which his brother, who had been drinking a little himself, essentially tried to force him to drink a champagne toast, “because it’s your brother’s wedding! Come on! It won’t kill you! One drink!” I wasn’t there, but from what MrWhatsit has told me, it was an incredibly unpleasant and awkward experience.
When a champagne toast was brought for us at our post-wedding celebration, one or two people started to make “Aww, come on, just one drink!” noises when he turned down his glass, but they shut up as soon as I gave them A Look.
I can’t imagine ever spiking someone’s drink when that person has said they do not drink alcohol. My God, you have no idea what that person’s reasons are. They could be on medication that reacts badly with alcohol, or pregnant, or a recovering alcoholic. Anyone who would do that is the lowest form of scum, imho.
I apologize for my earlier strident tone, and I apologize for hijacking this thread.
Here’s Miss Manners’ response to a question about how to turn down marijuana at a party:
"Gentle reader:
It certainly is a curiosity of etiquette that you, upon whom a rudeness has been performed, should take the responsibility for the error committed. Itis unfortunately customary for people who are offering what they consider to be a rare treat–marijuana, liquor, dessert, or a sexual encounter–to think it gracious to quiz, badger, and shame the object of their charity into accepting it. It is, in fact, extremely ungracious. One should always take “no” for an answer, no matter how delightful one considers the offering to be.
Since you ask what you should do if they violate this, the answer is to keep refusing politely until they go away. The first refusal consists merely of ‘No, thank you.’ The subsequent ones should all be ‘I really don’t care to’; eventually, the generous one will get tired of hearing this repeated…"
I love Miss Manners. The above is from Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.
Yes, I’ve been tricked. The first time I remember, I was about 8 years old and in a family reunion. I thought that the drink in the orange juice container was…well, orange juice. It wasn’t, it was mimosa(alcohol and orange juice), and the worst was that it was served by a distant relative(I don’t remember who it was). I spit it as soon as I felt the taste.
The last one was at a restaurant. The “drink of the house” had rum(but not much), but they hadn’t told us(my whole family), until we all had drink a couple of glasses. I didn’t drink anymore of that afterwards.
Is it rude? For me it depends on who asks and when, where, and how it is asked. A close friend asking out of curiosity I would not consider rude, but a not close person asking because I am the only one without a drink in a party…well, its none of his/her business. As mentioned before many reasons for not drinking are personal, and sometimes people not get the hint(“I dont like alcohol, period.”) and continue to ask. For me, it is even hard telling my friends the specifics of why I don’t drink. Gladly most of them just accept it and move on.
Now that I’m an adult I generally hang out with other adults who are adult enough not to try and spike drinks of the unsuspecting. After all, we all know our share of alcoholics and designated drivers as well as people who just don’t drink.
And for those of you who think it’s okay to ask why someone doesn’t drink, I never was much of a drinker, but I stopped completely a little over a year ago.
It’s because I’m on medication.
I will most likely be on this medication for the rest of my life.
The doctor told me in the strongest terms possible NOT TO DRINK WHILE I’M TAKING THIS MEDICATION. NOT EVEN ONE DRINK.
Now, what’s your response to this set of answers. Are you embarassed for bringing it up? Do you want to know what the medication is and why I’m taking it? Are you satisfied with my answer and ready to drop the subject? Or do you think it would be funny to spike the punch at the party to see some unsuspecting person get tipsy, and instead get to see me have a reaction?
There are apparently quite a lot of people in this world who need to learn how to mind their own business. I drink, always for pleasure and often to excess. That’s my business. Occasionally I attend parties where there are people in attendance who do not drink. I understand this. I often see “well-meaning” people trying to talk the non-drinker into having a drink. They’ll coax and cajole, often pushing the non-drinker into a corner which they’ll have to assert themselves firmly to get out of, frequently looking like some kind of jerk in the process. This never ceases to annoy me. I used to stand by silently when this happened, but now I speak up, saying something to the effect of, “If that person doesn’t want to drink, that’s their business. You’re screwing up their good time by bothering them!”
I’ve never encountered drink-spiking, cheifly because it probably wouldn’t bother me if someone did it to me (provided the spike was alcohol, not arsenic or something). But if I found it happening to someone else, I’d probably speak up in that instance as well. Sure it’s rude, but it seems to me that the best way to counter rudeness is with rudeness. An eye for an eye, right?
(hopefully no one is terribly offended!)