Well, for most people who are non-wankers, it’s “fair enough, buy you a coke?”
While it’s true that the reason can be personal, so can the answer to a million other innocuous questions
Q:hey Jimmy, why’d you miss class yesterday?
A:Oh, I got arrested for boinking livestock.
Q:why are you a vegetarian?
A:Cause a cow saved my life in WWII
[sub]Ok, that one’s kinda stupid[/sub]
If you attend a party where there is drinking, and make a point of the fact that you “don’t drink” (as compared to simply not having a drink), then it seems fair game (for a non-stranger) to ask once–politely–why, and be willing to accept whatever answer you’re given.
I suppose it would be different if I had a more private reason for it (I don’t like the taste), but when someone asks me why I don’t drink, I don’t feel offended, just bored.
Actually, I did take a drink one time. It was peach Schnapps diluted in several glasses of orange juice. It seemed rather pointless at the time, and I see no particular need to repeat the experience.
(BTW, alcoholics have an ongoing drinking problem…staying sober isn’t always easy. It’s never a former drinking problem) I don’t mind people asking, though most don’t. My standard response is something like “I don’t choose to right now, thanks for offering.” I would find it very rude if someone asked me why. Last time someone did, I told them I didn’t choose to tell them why, and left it at that.
Maybe its a generational thing…I don’t really hang out with people who get trashed or go to bars to get drunk, any more. I don’t mind going to bars with friends if its a social get together. Nobody has ever tried to trick me into a drink; if they did that would surely be the LAST time I ever spent any social time with them.
I think Lora Brody put it best in her book on entertaining: There are any number of reasons why people don’t drink. Their reason doesn’t have to be explained to anyone, including you.
When people offer me alcohol and I refuse and they ask why, I say “Cause I don’t drink.” I’ll say it 100 times if they don’t get it the first time. Or I’ll give them the lurid details of how drinking killed my stomach, how my brother gave up drinking when he was in the hospital with kidney and liver failure, and my sister gave up drinking after an alcohol related auto accident caused her the use of her left arm (she was left-handed) and also cost her the arm itself. Those stories really perk up a party.
Nobody’s ever tricked me, but every once in a while I’ll come upon somebody who wants to “convert” me. This is because my reasons for not drinking are (1) it’s boring (as are most drunk people, IMHO) and (2) most alcohol (particularly beer and wine) tastes vile to me.
Unfortunately, neither of these two reasons are seen as legitimate by some parties, and they need to convince me that (1) drinking is actually fun, or (2) drinking offers a whole world of aesthetic pleasures and that I’m significantly lowering my quality of life by not “appreciating” them. In either case, it’s something they often refuse to let go easily, as if they are somehow “right” and I’m “wrong”.
Even though I don’t have anything to be defensive or private about, I still think it’s very rude to ask “Why” because the question usually comes from those who don’t know me very well. By asking why, it assumes a level of intimacy I don’t have with that person, making the asker incredibly presumptuous. If they preface it with “Do you mind if I ask…”, that’s different–but I find they rarely do.
I think it says a lot about some people that they cannot accept the fact that other people simply prefer not to drink. In my opinion, the fact that they can’t imagine a life without regular alcohol consumption means they might better be questioning themselves before they question others.
I very rarely drink, for one simple reason: I just don’t like it that much. I don’t like the taste, and I don’t like the effects. The last time I had any alcohol in any quantity was at a meeting of a club in September; I had two beers, and I wouldn’t have had those except that this was a place that brews its own beer, so it’s halfway decent. Before that, I can’t even remember…Probably ChiDope in May 2000, when I had a staggering three daquiris. Anyway, I have reached age 28 without ever being drunk.
My usual response to the “Why don’t you drink?” questions is, “I have enough expensive habits already.” That actually seems to back people off. If they press, I say “I just never cared for it.”
I don’t drink, although most people assume by my looks (big, burly, sometimes mean-looking, loud, etc) that I should.
I’ve had friends try to “trick” me into a coke with a bit of rum or vodka in it, or a long-island iced tea. (I’m FAMOUS in my circle of friends for drinking iced tea).
I think I’ve handled it well… laughed it off.
Frankly, though, I’m hurt by their thoughtlessness. Why try to force a FRIEND to do something that they don’t want to? The REASON why I don’t drink is not a topic I share with friends or, for that matter, many members of my own family.
When pressed, I say that “I’m driving”, and that has always stopped them from prying further.
I’m a college student, a freshman at UConn. Let me tell you, telling people you don’t drink is like telling them you’re a leper. They look at you with a quizzical expression on their face and say things like “Why don’t you drink?” Often, I’ll just say “Because I don’t want to.” Sometimes, however, because they keep pressing the issue, I’ll say something like “Because I don’t feel the need to turn into a blathering asshole such as yourself.” Due to the fact that I have the build of a football player and am fairly tall, that shuts them up.
The thing that pisses me off is that if the idea of me drinking was ever even brought up on my floor, the guys here would think it was the best thing since sliced bread. “Ooh, Davidson’s drinking/getting drunk! How cool!” I haven’t found it difficult WHATSOEVER to stay away from alcohol completely, but that’s because I have willpower. One thing that really ticked me off is that the guy in the room across the hall from me said “One day, I’m gonna get you drunk and you’re not even going to know how.” He was joking as he said it, but the fact that I may have to watch out for alcohol in anything I drink angers me to no end. Why can’t they just leave well enough alone?
I guess it’s all good in the end, because I could fucking kick the fucking motherfucking grimy-ass shit out of them sober, not to mention how easy it would be if THEY were drunk and I was sober.
If a simple “no thank you” is not accepted, I explain that “Beer tastes like horse piss.” If necessary, I turn the question into why that person likes drinking horse piss, whch usually gets them laughing and focuses them on something other that trying to get me to drink.
At college frat parties there were often drunks who insisted on pressing drinks on me. I just avoided them, for reasoning with a drunk is futile. Ironically, the one who was most insistent ended up an alcoholic drop-out.
Fortunately, people usually do mature over time, so while there is often great pressure to drink when one is at college or when new to the work force, that social pressure greatly decreases as years go on, to the point that whether one drinks or not is not an issue at all.
This is a subject I’m very bitter about. I don’t drink because most of extended family are liquor-soaked derelicts, and my nuclear family have what I call the “dry alcoholic syndrome” - codependence, denial of everything negative, willful miscommunication / selective deafness, and a nearly phobic avoidance of conflict (all without having to imbibe any actual liquor!) When folks ask me why I don’t drink liquor, I wonder what they’re going to ask me next. Why don’t I drink rubbing alcohol? Why don’t I drink Liquid Paper? I guess I just don’t understand the question.
In fact, I think the only people who do understand the question are people who drink. Which is pretty ironic, really.
OK, I’m starting to feel like a total dork here. The only time I ever ask someone if they drink is if I’m throwing a party, or bringing food/drink to a party a friend is holding, and I want to know if it’s with or without alcohol on premises.
If I’m inviting a friend to a party, I usually mention there will be alcohol (when there will, of course). That’s usually the point when they let me know they don’t drink. I do actually pry further, because I want to know what WILL be appropriate to make sure they have a good time. I only made the mistake of offering a Mormon a Coke instead, ONCE. I try to make sure that if there’s things they can’t eat/drink there, that it’s either really easy to tell which items aren’t appropriate (i.e. highly visible pepperoni on pizzas, etc.) or that I let them know quietly what items are okay (e.g. “The soup in the red pot is vegetarian, but the stir fry has shrimp”).
I don’t really want to know WHY they choose not to drink, I just need to know if there’s anything ELSE they don’t partake of either. Is there some more tactful way I could put that, or is “Okay, is there anything else I should let you know about?” an okay way to ask?
[Miss Etiquitte]
“Would you like anything to drink?” is perfectly polite.
When the answer is “No thank you,” or “An orange juice please,” there should be no problem with an appropriate response by the host, such as the fetching of the requested non-alcoholic drink.
Awkwardness occurs when the host or another guest then makes inquires as to why an alcoholic beverage is not wanted. Offence is taken when the host or guest then presses the issue despite the guest demuring, or worse, presses an alcholic beverage on the guest who already has expressed a disinclination.
[/Miss Etiquitte]
I feel for you, Dark Lord Davidson. I had idiot friends in the past, and they’ve pulled stuff on me that I’m still a bit tizzied over. The sad part is, that I feel like a complete jerk for telling them off, when I know it’s acceptable to when they treat you like dirt. Some people never mature past middle school, and it’s love of emphasising the differences rather than the similarities in people.
Normally, I freeze in situations where someone’s asking me ‘why’ I do something that I consider a fundamental part of my behaviour - partly because I’m an anxious, withdrawn wallflower at parties. When someone asks me why I don’t drink, I’d probably give an extremely nonsensical response (I’m a good random babbling-type guy [sub]sister frankenberry mother atom[/sub]…) normally accompanied by a Anthony Hopkins glare -
Guy: “So, why don’t you drink?”
Me: “Ever wonder why the sun twinkles at night when everything is pouring down with rain?”
It works every time, especially when honesty is out of the question. Plus, I don’t feel like a jerk when this is used. I’m happy, and the other party’s weirded out.
I like a beer or three, and if somebody doesn’t drink, well that’s fine too. I just want to add my voice to the “spiking is evil” crowd. Spiking another’s drink is not a harmless prank; it’s stupid, inconsiderate, and dangerous. It can bring on anything from having the victim make a fool of themselves, through having them get ill, right up to traffic accidents, pack rape, and God knows what else. Oh yeah, a real fun thing to do indeed.
I’m a social drinker, which means I have a drink when I want one, which (gasp!) is not all the time. It cracks me up when I order something non-alcoholic in a group and someone is stunned (to judge from their response) that I wouldn’t automatically grab any and all alcohol available. Um, yes I do drink. Just don’t feel like it right now. If this really is incomprehensible to you some self-reflection might be in order. And maybe a trip to the MD for a complete check-up.
[useless anecdote]
Old college buddies and I go out clubbing one night. Meet up around 10:30 PM. One friend buys me drink 1. I drink happily. Other friend buys me drink 2. I sip for a while and merrily annouce that I am at my limit, as I am driving home in several hours (plenty of time to dry out) Friend whom I do not know of my college friends, rather broad and square fellow, tells me he is buying me a drink. He is, at most, mildly inebriated, if that’s an excuse. I respond, no thank you. Keep in mind I am skinny white gurl. He replies “I’m buying you a drink and you’d better drink it.” (This drink is called a gladiator? Which doesn’t look like something I’d like anyways?) My response is to get in his face and respond “… and if I don’t, you’re going to do what?” (May not have been the best response, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.) After this point, said idiot keeps a nice safe and happy distance from me for the rest of the night. College buddies and I go get Chinese food at 3 AM. I am told that said idiot liked me. If this is how he treats people he LIKES I’d hate to see how he treats ones he doesn’t.
I don’t mind people asking, though most don’t. My standard response is something like “I don’t choose to right now, thanks for offering.” I would find it very rude if someone asked me why. Last time someone did, I told them I didn’t choose to tell them why, and left it at that.
