Well, I for one have no idea what semen smells like, and didn’t even know it had a smell until my wife complained about the “semen trees.” I think I am physiologically unable to detect the odor of semen. But then, I have never been near any of it but my own.
At first I thought she was crazy. But then, she thought I was nuts comparing the odor of palm blooms to sweaty horse.
Scene - the car, driving home from dining out.
Her: “Smell that?”
Me: “What? Did I leave the handbrake on again?”
Her: “No. The semen trees.”
Me: “The WHAT??”
Her: “The semen trees. There are trees that smell like sperm. Don’t you smell it?”
Me (inhaling, considering): “No. I didn’t even know sperm smelled.”
Her: “Well, it does. And these trees smell just like them.”
Me: “Mine doesn’t. I’ve handled loads of it, and never smelled a thing. At least not as long as I washed the towel under my bed every so often.”
Her: “Yes it does. And I don’t doubt it. And that’s gross.”
Me: “Are you sure fresh semen has an odor? What does it smell like?”
Her: “I can’t describe it. Like sperm. Nothing else is like it, it’s unmistakable.”
Me: “Is it the palms? They’re in bloom. But to me they smell like sweaty old horses.”
Her: “No they don’t.”
Me: “You haven’t had to retrieve a frightened cat from the top of a palm in bloom. Now that I’ve identified the smell, I notice it every spring.”
Her: “Palms don’t smell. You’re crazy.”
Me: “I’m crazy? You’re the one who insists that sperm smells.”
And so on… after that, we went on to discuss what they call Big Macs in Paris.
