I pit that bitch Michele

[DanBlather]

You smug little prissy bitch. There you sit across from me every game. Just as I am about to shoot the moon you grab a heart. When I’m not shooting you dump the Queen of Spades on me. I hate you!! Ben and Pauline are much nicer, they play fair!

[Chimpy]

[Troy_McClure_SF]

Got into the Stoli early, I see.

[Orbifold]

@Chimpy

“Ben”, “Pauline”, and “Michele” are the default names of the three computer-controlled opponents in the “Hearts” program that comes with Windows.

I changed them to “Kirk”, “McCoy”, and “Spock”, myself.

[astro]

Hearts?.

Scoring
Taking a trick does not give a player any points unless there are point cards in the trick. Each heart counts for one point (for a total of 13 points), and the Queen of spades by itself counts for another 13 points. Thus 26 points are distributed among the players each hand. The goal is to avoid taking points, and the fewer point cards taken, the better. However, if a player takes all 26 points in the hand (known as shooting the moon), the reverse situation occurs; he or she subtracts 26 from their point total (a variation of this rule is to have the player who shoots the moon receive zero points and all the other players get 26–in either case, shooting the moon is a very positive outcome for a player).

In some variants you can lose 52 points (or have all other players gain 52 points), by taking all tricks in the deal. This is called “shooting the sun”.

The game is played until one or more players has passed a predetermined point threshold (usually 100 points). The player who holds the fewest points at the end of that hand is declared the winner.
The appeal of Hearts
The element of risk involved in shooting the moon is one of the appeals of the game, since a player may attempt to get all 26 points and fail by only getting 24 or 25, in which case the player is stuck with a large number of points. This element provides much of the appeal of the game, along with the cutthroat aspect associated with a player holding the queen of spades possibly having the option of dropping it on another player’s trick. Often the player who has the fewest points (and is thus leading) is the one people try to give the queen to; however, there is always the risk of giving it a player who then uses it as part of shooting the moon. Players must always be on the lookout for another player trying to shoot the moon, in the hopes that they can stop it. In addition, the element of passing cards allows players to attempt to control their destiny and influence that of their fellow players.

[furt]

@Orbifold

“Ben”, “Pauline”, and “Michele” are the default names of the three computer-controlled opponents in the “Hearts” program that comes with Windows.

I changed them to “Kirk”, “McCoy”, and “Spock”, myself.

Asshole, Shithead and Motherfucker on mine.

[moriah]

Just played MS Windows Hearts. And yes, Michele is a bitch. But I just beat that bitch 29 to 78 (Ben’s an idiot).

[DanBlather]

@moriah

Just played MS Windows Hearts. And yes, Michele is a bitch. But I just beat that bitch 29 to 78 (Ben’s an idiot).

Ben’s just laying low, he can be sneaky.

[ZipperJJ]

At first I thought “what a silly rant - this dude’s bitching about some chick he plays cards with? Who gets together for cards these days anyway?”

Then I saw all these posts about hearts and how everyone has cool witty names for their other players and know exactly what the OP is talking about.

And now I feel really uncool and left out

Joke’s on me!

[Derleth]

And it goes without saying that Sunday monkey won’t play piano song, play piano song.

I mean, it’s Sunday, and that damn monkey won’t even bang out Chopsticks.

[Polycarp]

Don’t you play the Queen of Diamonds, boy, 'cause she’ll beat you if she’s able.
You know the Queen of Spades was always your best bet!

::: flees :::

[Ludovic]

Queen of Spades,
I will always be
Queen of Spades…

[Green_Bean]

The only one worse than Michele is my mom. I won’t play cards with her at all anymore.

[DanBlather]

@ZipperJJ

At first I thought “what a silly rant - this dude’s bitching about some chick he plays cards with? Who gets together for cards these days anyway?”

Then I saw all these posts about hearts and how everyone has cool witty names for their other players and know exactly what the OP is talking about.

And now I feel really uncool and left out

Joke’s on me!

Trust me, no one is more uncool and left out than me.

[AHunter3]

I haven’t seen the Windows version of hearts in eons. Does it still fail to accomodate the “cutthroat” rule whereby the Jack of Diamonds is worth -10?

Hearts without the Jack is boring.

[MysteryFellow63427]

@AHunter3

I haven’t seen the Windows version of hearts in eons. Does it still fail to accomodate the “cutthroat” rule whereby the Jack of Diamonds is worth -10?

Hearts without the Jack is boring.

I hate this rule.

[Pixiesnix]

Well, he is playing with the Queen of Hearts, knowing it ain’t really smart.

[Ilsa_Lund]

@KCSuze

Well, he is playing with the Queen of Hearts, knowing it ain’t really smart.

Well, the joker was the only fool.

[moriah]

I’m the owner of a lonely heart.