I Pit the Empire

The BBQ Pit
1

Greetings, my brethren,

As you may or may not have heard, there has been an election in the American Empire. All things considered, Christian fundamentalist idiocy has won.

Congratulations; you are now an idiotic nation, represented by idiots, ruled by an idiot. If you disappeared in a puff of nuclear smoke tomorrow, the world would breathe a sigh of relief.

Your only two notable accomplishments are exterminating your native population and enslaving your imported black population. And both of those put you slightly behind NAZI Germany in terms of human progress.

To summarize:

Fuck you, you stupid Americans. Fuck your empire. Fuck your imperialism. Most of all, however, fuck each and every one of you that truly believes that your piece of shit country belongs in the circle of civilized nations.

2

I was really expecting to see the registered date say Nov 2010.

3

You forgot Hiroshima, asshole.

4

Evidently the last poster above sneakily stole the OP’s real username.

5

Indeed. I apologize for that. Let me correct that, if you will:

Fuck the Empire for being the most mass-murdering nation in the history of mass murder. No nation but the Empire has EVER used nuclear weapons on other humans. And the Empire did it twice.

Fuck the Empire.

6

I’ve been out of the United States for a few years now. Catch me up here, someone, please. Is it middle school/junior high vacation season now?

7

Yes, it is. Indeed, I am posting this from my mother’s basement. Because I am a friendless virgin with nothing better to do.

Why not go overboard with the ad hominem attacks? The sky is the limit, my friend, as long as you let your overactive imagination run free.

Come on, give me another adolescent insult.

8

“Are now”? Are you implying this is a new situation?

9

Well, for a while, Roosevelt did an acceptable job. I guess that was the Empire’s one shot at civilization. They blew it.

10

I know. Teddy Roosevelt is one of my favorite presidents too.

11

Oh, the VW Beetle ain’t all that.

12

The American Empire sucks. I want the Roman Empire back. At least the Romans knew how to put on a good show. Jews getting eaten by lions in the early part of the day is so much more entertaining than American daytime television talk shows.

13

And cough out a lot of ash. We’d be the lucky ones as the rest of the earth dies a slow death.

Oh, and you forgot to throw in Baywatch. We’re responsible for that, too.

14

You laugh now, but soon you will quake as you witness the power of this fully operational Death Star.

15

You’re a fine one to talk. As a friendless virgin I demand an apology!

16

But you have ignored the plus side. Without the advances Fox has made in the world of animation, we would be a planet without the Simpsons, or Family Guy. Futurama would never have been seen. Surely that balances out a few million people killed here and there.

17

That’s no satellite - that’s just the moon.

18

Nah. My brothers are coherent.

19

Most of this post is too idiotic to even respond to, but most of America doesn’t realize that this sentence is true. The teabaggers pretend to be all about fiscal responsibility, but the vast majority happen to “coincidentally” be hardcore fundamentalists.

I don’t foresee any rational push to balance the budget in the next two years, but I do think we’ll finally make sure the federal government keeps the gays from ruining our marriages! And considering Obama’s milquetoastiness on this arena, I see him signing it if it is packaged in a good enough bill.

20

Wouldn’t fly now. Jews totally run the Colosseum.