Why the hell do you always show up when people are clearing tables and stacking chairs, and decide that now’s the time to start the **BigT **Show?
He’s shy.
Offenderati often arrive late, for they keep getting distracted by other offences they come upon while on the way. The poor things spend much of their lives feeling frustrated because they never get anything accomplished.
You misspelled either “futile” or “impossible,” but I’m not quite sure which one…
Bravo PizzaGuy, that post on explaining bigotry/racism/sexism was brilliant 
I don’t know BigT that well but from the sounds of it, this wasn’t his first study hall that he managed to flunk.
Recommended for sticky at the top of the pit. 
Pizza Guy, what’s the standard tip for one of these special requests? If someone actually went out of their way to do anything nearly that impressive in most of those photos, I’d probably give them a $20 tip or more.
Tip? TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
There is no standard tip.
I have drawn a wizard, and I’ve also cut the pizza into “the Triforce” from the legend of zelda. It’s your standard Sierpinksi Triangle cut, only smaller. I’ve also drawn a Trollface. And of course, I also drew the “Okay” guy meme face, to represent crippling melancholy, which is otherwise difficult to draw. I have cut the pizza into circles. We do have a rolling cutter blade. I have also drawn various pokemon.
My typical suggestion for service above and beyond the call of duty would be a five buck tip. Affordable, yet generous. Feel free to tip more.
Short tipping related anecdote (non-food service related however):
When I head to my GF’s in the Bronx from Manhattan, sometimes I will need to take the 6 train which requires a short cab ride from the station to her apartment. In any of the outer boroughs (aka not Manhattan) you have to hail gypsy cabs because the yellow cabs stick to the city where they make money. These gypsy cabs don’t use meters - it a flat fee depending on where you’re going.
Anyways…the trip from the station to her place should cost $8 (if it was metered it would prob be $5 tops, but it is what it is…). So a couple weekends ago I hailed a cab and before getting in told him where I was going and said “8 bucks right?”. " No $10" was his response. “Get the fuck outta here, its 8 bucks. Keep driving”. Flag down the next cab tell him where I’m going say “8 bucks?” “Yup get in”.
Now normally I won’t tip these cabbies (metered cabs ALWAYS) because the trip should be way less than what they charge. But I have to live within the system so they get their $8 bucks and nothing more. This time around though, I gave the cabbie $10 bucks just as a little karmic fuck-you to the first cabbie who tried to rip me off. I know that the first cabbie doesn’t know and won’t ever know but I figure its a decent way to keep the universe in balance. Plus my GF got a chuckle out of it and it amused me to no end.
Can I Tip the Pizza Delivery Guy in Weed?
“Don’t try to tip the pizza guy in beer or weed or whatever. This is his job, and you need to tip him in American currency so that he can buy beer and weed for his family.”
From Pizza driver homepage: The proper amount
2nd link doesn’t work.
Your driver might not even smoke weed (stunning, I know…) so it will always be valued less than money.
I put this right along the lines of gift cards that work only at certain stores. Or, gift cards in general.
You take perfectly good money, actual legal currency, and trade it for less valuable currency that is only good in certain locations.
It’s a stupid trade. If you’re going to presume I only want to spend my money at one store, then you might as well presume to ask me what I’d like for my birthday, and then I’d tell you, and then you go buy it. Otherwise, I should presume to just accept your gift with graciousness, whether I want it or not. It’s the thought that counts. Set aside some cash and buy yourself a gift if you can’t be bothered to tell anyone what sort of thing you’d want.
A gift card says: “I’m too lazy to wrap anything, I don’t like speaking to you enough to ask you what you’d really want, and I’d rather give you money that is only useable at Applebee’s than money that is good literally everywhere else, because that’s considered “thoughtful” without actually being thoughtful in any way shape or form”.
And of course, tipping weed to the delivery guy says “I had money, but I spent it all on drugs. Now I have nothing to tip you with except drugs.”
And you can’t generally pay your utility bill or your car repair bill in drugs.
Gift cards are dumb. Tipping with weed is even dumber.
I guess the trick to getting rid of old pizza boxes is to put bows on them and hand them to the delivery person as a tip.
No, shitlicker, it says, “Hey I’m not going to pretend I’m a mindreader but I know you like to shop at this place so get yourself something you really want instead of a sweater I made with giraffes raping donkeys on the front.”
I thought that it was a giraffe raping a mellophant?
Wow. Times really HAVE changed.
I have been known to give gift cards to people who would either give the money away, or use it to buy booze or drugs. I’ve given gift cards to my grandmother at the end of her life, when she had Alzheimer’s and would give money away to random people. I’ve also passed along gift cards that other people have given me…and I’ve given Half-Price Books gift cards to my daughter, because if I buy those cards, I will also get a gift card to use in January. So if I pay $25, I’ll get $30 in gift cards.
Generally, though, if I’m gonna give a card or cash, I’ll give cash. For all I know, the recipient might think that Best Buy is Evil, or something like that.
<clipped>
Oops, maybe because it’s a htm not html page? Also I missed a “:” when making the link.
I’ll just post the link:
The proper amount
http://tipthepizzaguy.com/general/amount.htm
No, child molester dressed in a Smurf costume, when you say that it actually means “I have perfectly good cash to give, but I’d rather give you something less convenient. And I certainly wouldn’t bother asking you what you want because that’s too fucking hard. It involves words.”
You’re on the “nice” side of the gift-card giving group, so I’ll just say this-
When I ranted about gift cards, I honestly hadn’t had it in mind that anyone would be giving these things to drug addicts. Probably because I don’t do that stuff.
That and your other examples regarding gift cards worth more than the cash you spent, and your meemaw, are all salient exceptions.
Therefore I will amend my rant to include: Some exceptions are allowed.
Generally though, I fail to see the point. But kudos on *your *points.