I really need advice.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I think we’re like pots and lids–there are many of each, and many of them fit together fine. You happened to marry a good lid for you–but you’ve discovered another lid that seems like it would fit your pot just as well. It’s NOT a sign that a relationship with your coworker was meant to be. It just means you happen to work with a lid that fits your pot.

Someone else used the term recommit and I think that’s important. Do it. Don’t let yourself speculate on a life or future with your coworker. Don’t let your thoughts linger on her great attributes. Don’t start making comparisons between her and your wife. Nip it in the bud. If you have to distance yourself from her a bit emotionally, do it. I realize that might feel like you’re losing a friend, and feels doubly unfair to her. But this is your marriage we’re talking about here, something infinitely more important.

A baby is a huge change and there may be stressful times ahead. You need all your emotional energy focused on your family, not on the fantastic person in the next office who “might have been.” You may want to throw in the towel a million times in the first eight weeks of new parenthood alone, and the last thing you need is an extra temptation to follow through with that impulse.

One of the greatest gifts you can give that new offspring is a stable homelife and a living example of a happy, trusting, committed marriage. Too few kids get that, and you’re in a position to give it if you don’t blow it.

Good luck.

22

7 year itch, new baby panic…

Nope, you’re not that interested in this woman. She just looks like a good way to avoid the things you’re momentarily uncomfortable with in your marriage.

She might be someone that you’d have a great relationship with if you weren’t already married; then again, a great deal of that feeling you have could be simply because you’re NOT involved with her. Fantasy is EVER so much easier to make perfect then real life. Remember back - you probably thought the same things about your wife when y’all first got together.
You’ll be SO SORRY if you do anything, you can’t even begin to imagine it.

You’re in a small rough spot in your marriage (the 8-months pregnant thing, the “predictable” relationship thing, etc.). So get to work on it! See a counselor if you think that would help, read some books on relationship improvement if that’s your style. Put some of the time & effort you’re blowing on this fantasy into your marriage & see if it doesn’t get better.

How well do y’all communicate on these things? Can you talk to your wife about it? Normally, if possible, I’d say that you might use the sexual energy you’re building up from this unrequited fantasy to spice up your marital relations. There are some people that share these sorts of feelings & fantasies, with the clear understanding that they are ONLY fantasies and will go no further. It can be fun. :wink:

However, in this situation, that could be a seriously bad idea. DO NOT TELL A WOMAN EIGHT MONTHS GONE THAT YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ANOTHER WOMAN. If she doesn’t kill you, you’ll wish she had. :eek:

Just to be safe, avoid any possible compromising situations with your crushee. Don’t work late with her, don’t be alone with her, etc. etc. etc. If there’s no opportunity for mischief, your chances of making it through this are much higher. Don’t make up excuses why you HAVE to do things you know could be dangerous - just don’t do them.

BTW, you’re not an asshole for having a crush. It’s fairly normal, and there’s not really anything wrong with it as long as you behave yourself. Just don’t BE an asshole by starting anything with your coworker.

23

You know, Mr. CoyoteFish, even in the most agreeable of circumstances, messing around with a co-worker is a pretty terrible idea.

Even if you were both single, even if you both felt the same about each other, even if you were able to pull off a couple of good dates, the odds are that something will go wrong at some point and then you have to deal with your ex-girlfriend every damned day!

Like work isn’t bad enough.

24

Thanks for all of the input. I’ve decided to be a man, and stop all this “having a crush on another woman” bullshit. I mean, I’m an intelligent person. I can recognize that there is about to be a big change in my life. I should also face the fact that my feelings about this other woman will most likely be fleeting.

I don’t think I seriously ever considered cheating on my wife. I guess I just wanted to hear other people say that it was natural to even feel the way that I do.

Again, thank you all for your comments. I don’t think I will be posting here anymore. I’m mortified beyond belief that I aired my dirty laundry in such a fashion. I really pride myself on being in control, and to lose that control, and then to post it on the internet has embarrassed me to no end. I wanted to post this last time to thank you all for your help and input. I appreciate it.

Goodbye,

CoyoteFish

25

Oh, c’mon, do we all have to post OUR embarrassing secrets to get you to feel better?? Please (I’ll go first, and I’ll put in some really juicy detail ;))??? I think that most people HAVE felt this way - why do you suppose everyone had such handy and quick advice?

Control isn’t everything. It sounds like you’ve done fine controlling your actions; it’s really not necessary to control your thoughts too. And if you can’t bare your soul to strangers online, where CAN you do it?

I bet people will love you more now that you’ve shown your weaker side. Either that or they’ll rip you apart - I really haven’t been around long enough to predict that… Um, scratch what I said above about posting my secrets.

26

You should do some searching and read some of the things that people post on here! I’ve posted some topics that I haven’t even told my closest friends about. Why, you ask? Because I know I can trust the wonderful people here to give me their honest opinion and at the same time not think any less of me. That’s very rare in this world.

As for your situation, I’m glad you’ve decided against cheating on your wife. Why don’t you try talking to her about how you feel your relationship is starting to get a little predictable and talk about ways to liven it up. Start going out to dinner once a week until the baby comes and spend some time talking about whatever pops into your head. It will help you re-discover each other and will give you some “alone” time before the baby comes. And don’t believe InternetLegend when he/she says

**. It’s not always true. I had plenty of time to do everything I needed to do, even after my 2nd child was born. You just have to know your priorities.

Good luck. Make sure you give your wife a kiss and a hug tonight, tell her you love her, and tell her how beautiful she looks carrying your child!

27

Indecent proposal
This is what happened last time something like this has hit this board. I personally would just live with your crush. It will go away eventually. Don’t jepordize what is good in your life right now.

28

Or . . .

Wait ‘til your wife has recovered from the icky childbearing thing. Suggest that it’s time for some hot three-way action. Screw this other woman and realize that she doesn’t hold a candle to your wife whom you’ve grown to love so well.

Or . . .

Wait ‘til your wife has recovered from the icky childbearing thing. Tell her you want to have sex with this other woman. Screw this other woman and realize that she doesn’t hold a candle to your wife whom you’ve grown to love so well.
Personally, I don’t think you should do either of these, but I’d hate to see you walking away from here thinking your options are limited.

29

I hope you’re still reading to hear me say I hope you WON’T go. If this is the worst thing you ever reveal about yourself on this board, you’ll be a fair sight better off than most of us.

In two weeks I won’t be thinking of you as “That Guy Who Got The Hots For His Coworker”… It’ll be the most recent post of yours I read that frames my perception of you. It’s more likely to be “That Guy Who Made Fun Of Me For Going To See ‘Bring It On’.” Or, “That Idiot Who Thinks Lipton is Better Than Nestea.” Or “That Guy I Gotta Remember To Flirt Harder With On The Next Thread”

of course it helps that I have the attention span of a gnat.

30

Ditto what Cranky said, CoyoteFish. Take a break from the board if you need to, but please, don’t hesitate to come back.

31

Please don’t go. I would enjoy talking to you some more. I’ll try not to be so harsh next time; strong topics need strong words.

I think you were able to talk about these things on this MB because the other members are a faceless bunch who only know what you tell them. Therefore it is easier to open up without feeling like you are being judged. But you are mistaken, I have found that you do get to know people by what they say even if they think they are being cryptic. I think it must have took an incredible amount of courage to be honest because you have so much at stake.

In my eyes this makes you more human, a real person with normal wants, needs and desires. I am going to strongly resist the urge to make a comment like-- I didn’t think lawyers were human or What do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? No I won’t do it.

Most importantly, we need to know if it’s a boy fish or a girl fish. That’s not too much to ask is it?

32

You have to ask yourself - Is this other woman worth losing everthing for? If the answer is no then don’t do it. If the answer is yes then make sure the relationship is going to go the distance before you do anything too rash.
Hope this helps.

33

Hey! My breasts aren’t off limits when I’m nursing! My whole body is… :stuck_out_tongue:

No, just kidding.

Women often are very interested in sex at the end of pregnancy, especially if they know that prostaglandins in sperm can start labor. Never worked for me, but we tried.

Then, after birth, she recovers. For a long time. Newborns are designed to take a lot of energy from their parents, especially their moms. That’s how they grow their big brains. That, and lots of breastmilk. Mothers are usually madly in love with their babies too so the exhaustion complements the emotional aspects of new babyhood. But- dads are often pretty wrapped up in their babies too, so there are compensations.

You may have noticed, though, that most families have more than one baby, so clearly people figure out how to re-arrange their lives.

Just making my opinion known on some of these things I picked up on a fast reading of this thread. I’m awfully glad you decided to act in a responsible manner, Coyote Fish. Wait to fall in love with that new baby and your new, readjusted family.