I really screwed up and must now pay the price

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I will soon be spending time behind bars. This is because on Friday, I appeared in juvenile court (I’m 17/F btw) to be sentenced for vehicular assault and reckless driving. The long and short of it is I was behind the wheel and looking at my phone when I should’ve been watching the road. I blew right through a red light and collided with another car. I was lucky enough to walk away with just bruises, but the other driver had to be taken to the hospital.

The judge in my case decided to sentence me to thirty days in juvie. Since I have (or had) a job, he’s given me the weekend to get my affairs in order. On Monday, I have to surrender to the local juvenile detention center to begin serving my sentence.

I own the fact that what I did was stupid and criminal and that I deserve my punishment. No one needs to tell me that. I feel absolutely horrible about what I’ve done. I’d hoped my victim would be in court to see me sentenced so that I might have a chance to apologize to him in person, but he wasn’t there. I wonder now if I’ll ever get the chance.

My parents are extremely upset w/ me, of course. I don’t blame them. I wish I knew how I could demonstrate to them that I’ve learned a lesson from all this and will never be so careless ever again.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to graduate on time now because of all this. I also don’t know how this conviction and sentence will affect my ability to get into a good college. I’ve always excelled at school, but it all may be for nothing now.

Last of all, I’d never been in trouble with the law before all this and have never been anyplace like juvie. So I’m super nervous about being incarcerated since I have no idea what to expect.

So, yeah. I really managed to screw up big time. And I know I have no one to blame for it but me. I don’t know if anyone reading this will have any advice for me, but I hope so. I could really use some words of wisdom right about now.

2

You can survive this and go forth a better person. Yes, it was a stupid thing that had pretty awful consequences. But not nearly as awful as they might have been.

Sometimes a really bad outcome can be a springboard to much better and more responsible behavior ahead. Don’t waste the opportunity to be better, not worse, at the other end of the tunnel.

3

Oh, you’ll be fine.

4

You should speak with a lawyer if you have not already. Juvenile criminal records can generally be expunged (sealed) at 18 with time served and any restitution paid. You should also try to make arrangements with your school to continue schoolwork or take summer session classes. You made a careless mistake with grievous consequences, but one that adults of all ages make every day, and fortunately no one was killed.

Stranger

5

All things can be overcome, and the fact that you fully acknowledge your role and don’t blame this on “somebody else” means you will be able to put this behind you. Learn from it, and even though this upcoming thirty days might absolutely suck, in the long run, it’s a tiny fraction of your life and will disappear into your life experiences in time. Just keep your head down, and remember that this is ending soon.

I would love to see you come back and share your experience with us afterward!

6

If it were me, I would try to find a way to show other kids my age that there are these things called consequences. I see kids driving while on their cell phone, or worse, texting, every day. If you can convince even one person not to take that chance, you might actually save someone’s life, and feel better about yourself.

People make mistakes; that’s called being human. You now have the opportunity to share your first-hand experience with others and hopefully some will get the message. Finally, if driving while on a cell phone is not a crime in your state, like it isn’t in mine, do what you can to get that law passed. Become a “poster child” for how one simple mistake can screw up your life for a long time.

7

As part of showing you have learned from the experience and to give a for-real example to other students (as well as do what it takes to graduate), talk to your school advisor or principal about either writing a paper, creating a video, or giving a speech to other students about your experience.

You found out the hard way that the “it won’t happen to me” mindset doesn’t work so it can be an opportunity to teach this to others. Because, even though YOU admit it was a stupid thing to do, there’s many other kids out there who are thinking, I can get away with this because I’m NOT stupid. And that is a stupid mistake for them to make.

If you are worried about what others think, this will go a long way towards showing them that you have grown in your responsibility and recognition of danger. That’s a huge lesson. I’d hire someone young (and who did time) if I knew that they understood this lesson.

8

I’m not being snarky here - this could actually make you stand out amongst the other college applicant crowds. An admissions essay about how you screwed up and your life changed in an instant, showing true remorse and maturity, illustrating you’ve risen beyond your one stupid act, may give you a leg up over the usual, “I worked hard on the football team” or “I volunteered to walk shelter pets” applicants.

Was there no way to ask to defer your sentence until summer? Surely you’re not a flight risk, and the courts should see that interrupting your schooling would be bad, not just for you, but for society in general, since it’s generally thought a good thing for kids to graduate. In fact, I think it’s not unusual for adults to be sentenced to consecutive weekends so the can continue to work and be productive. But if you have to report Monday, I guess the time for asking for this is past.

Good luck - it’s only a month of the rest of your life.

StG

9

Me too.

If your post is anything to judge by, you should be able to overcome this setback and find a career somewhere.

10

The o.p. may not be eligible to defer if they turn 18. I’ll reiterate that the o.p. should consult a lawyer (who is experienced in juvenile criminal law in their state) and see what options are available to maintain continuity in school (perhaps serving piecewise sentences or some amount of sentence under monitored house arrest) and expunge their record upon reaching the age of majority.

Stranger

11

I think you will be fine in the end. Get through the month and remember the lesson.
Come back when you are free again and tell us about it.
I don’t know about USA juvie prisons, but here the goal is not to punish but to improve.
You can probably study there, so your education should not suffer.
Welcome to the board.

12

Juvie? You can get likely that record sealed, so you dont have to report it for jobs.

IANAL

13

If a juvenile is incarcerated in my state, the institution is obliged to provide schooling. I would think it would be the same in other states as well. This means that 30 days in a juvenile facility shouldn’t delay your graduation. If you have a lawyer, they may be able to give you more information; since it’s coming up so fast, you’ll at least find out during your intake. They should know the best way to transfer credit for the classwork you do there to your high school when you’re released. You might ask how that works - usually, it’s arranged through the school counselor. As for college, this experience will really make your personal essay stand out!

It’s only natural that you and your parents are very upset and thinking that you’ve ruined your life, but that’s not true. You made a very serious mistake and you’re old enough to face the consequences. That doesn’t mean your life is over or your future is doomed. This is a learning experience, a harsher one than most kids your age get, but an opportunity to grow a a person nonetheless.

Good luck!

14

Ouch!

Welcome to the Dope, Sadie! Nice to have you here.

Well, that does suck. It will also be an interesting life experience and an opportunity to learn and grow, and it will give you a kind of understanding and insight most of us don’t have. You could lose a month that you’re actually incarcerated, or perhaps lose more than that if this does derail your life plans a bit. But you can lose a month or more and still have a perfectly good life, so in the big picture it doesn’t have to damage things for you. (For my part, I’m sure I spent my 40s doing something worthwhile, but I can’t remember what, so a month doesn’t seem that significant.)

Good luck with it all, and please keep coming back and keeping us up to date on your life, whether you can keep doing so in the coming days or have to put us on hold. Just remember, lots of people have cringeworthy Thanksgivings, which eventually become entertaining reminiscences.

15

Focus on the positive. Nobody was killed or permanently injured.

Now move forward with your life. You should recognize your mistakes and learn from them (which you appear to have done) but don’t live in your past. Accept the consequences, adjust your behavior, and move on.

People have recovered from bigger mistakes than this.

16

Keep in mind that they might not want your apology. I was once involved in a situation and when the person tried to contact me to apologize, I told them to keep their fucking apology.

17

A texting driver killed an acquaintance of mine. The judge in the case helped to make something meaningful come out of that tragedy:

Also …

My wife and I were creamed by a young texting driver. Our local highway has a 75mph speed limit, but it tends to either go 85mph or hard on the brakes.

On that day, it was “hard on the brakes.” Except for the texting driver behind me.

I’m a motorcyclist, so when I brake, I tend to check my rear-view mirror. As I nailed the brakes, and as we were coming to a dead stop, I told my wife “This guy isn’t stopping. Hold on!!”

I cut the steering wheel, pointed the nose of the car out of the lane and toward the median strip, and hit the gas. But my car was a hybrid and hitting the gas didn’t do much.

She hit us hard, but we didn’t get sandwiched in between two cars. My car got knocked far into the median and into the concrete center divider.

We both walked away … a bit banged up. Car was a total loss.

The distracted driver’s parents arrived, and assured me that they had insurance. I told them, “Stuff happens. This is going to be okay. But forgive me if I don’t feel like chit-chat at this very moment.”

My point is … yeah … learn from this … maybe share what you’ve learned … with anybody who will listen.

More people die in the US each year because of distracted driving than were killed on 9/11. It’s cultural, fixable, and bad.

I’m glad your situation wasn’t worse. I hope that your penance is ‘easier’ than you fear, and that your life is great from here forward.

It gets better.

18

All you can do is own your actions and work through the consequences, which is what you are clearly doing. Take the sentence one day at a time, it might be an excellent opportunity for you to compose an apology letter to your victim, but don’t rush it. Your family will see you doing the hard work of making amends. Take what positives you can from all of it.

19

Yes this.

I’ll also add that, when I was the same age as the OP, I made a mistake that deflected me from my goals for my life. And, at the time, I thought of a year as suuuch a long period of time, so I basically “made do” with the deflected path…and that later became my regret, not the initial mistake.

So, I can’t really tell the OP what is best for her, of course, but I’d just say that the juvie will be over in no time, and then if she has to repeat a year of high school, or get work experience or whatever, and go to college a year late, then it’s really time worth spending IMO IME.

20

The drugs should be plentiful. Try not to smell them before ingesting them, though; it’s likely to be a little funky.

Homemade tattoos are not a good idea. It’s just not done cleanly. You can establish your cred in other ways.

Avoid eye contact. Unless somebody threatens you. In that case, maintain eye contact.

Get extra potato chips from the commissary. Somebody is always willing to trade for potato chips. It’s a good way to get what you need.

Do you smoke cigarettes? If not, you should start before you go in, and then try to get smokes while you’re inside. Don’t ask why; It’s just a good look.

Somebody’s screwing the guards. Don’t be her.

That should do for now.