I don’t think it’s the ocasionally serving dinner that aroused spirits on the matter, but the fact that it is invariably the OP who cooks/serves the dinner. For a lot of women the serving thing is symbolic even if I find it’s just one of the most visible ones. I don’t mind serving others the food I have cooked and when they like it I enjoy that fact. I think there are a lot more vicious and hidden ways to maintain certain roles.
We almost always serve ourselves, always have. MrPanda might occasionally make a plate for me if there’s a good reason for doing so, or vice versa.
The OP is right.
Any situation where doing something nice for someone is questioned, is not a good one to be in.
I’m a guy, I usually do the cooking and I serve it to my wife. The thing is, I like to cook and I like to put together a nice meal. If cooking is a hobby, it’s pleasurable to present it nicely on the plate. I really enjoy when I put a plate down and it looks better than most meals you can get out at a nice restaurant.
Serving dinner seems fairly June-Cleavery to me, it’s not something I would ever do or desire to be done for me. But I can understand why others might do it, and it’s not really my business anyway.
I guess it partly depends on how your place is laid out. If my wife was sitting at the table and I was serving her, I’d have to put food on the plate at the kitchen counter, bring the plate over to the table where she could see it, take it back to the counter if she said she wanted more (or less), then finally bring her plate to the table for real.
I suppose the logistics would work better for that if we had the food in serving dishes on the dining table, but we only do that for company - when it’s just us, we serve ourselves out of the cooking pots, pans, etc. rather than get an extra set of largish dishes involved that either someone would have to wash by hand, or that would fill up half the dishwasher by themselves. Nuts to that.
Seems easier for everyone to serve themselves.
When it’s just the two of us, which is most of the time, I fill both plates and take them to the table. When it comes to seconds, we get our own, or if we’re both ready at the same time, one of us will get seconds for both. I do all the cooking, so it makes sense for me to plate the food, too.
If we’ve got company, I put all the food on the table, and it’s self-serve from there.
And for the record, my husband usually rinses and stacks the dishes after we eat, unless I decide to do it myself. We go with what works for us.
Electrical Storm you seem to me to be very well balanced, able to know who you are in life regardless of people trying to tell you otherwise. Knowing that doing something like serving dinner to your husband does not diminish you, nor does it diminish women, but strengthens you and women, because it is of you, as a person (and not as a female), that you desire this role which you find fulfillment in. In this, as long as you continue to be be fulfilled, is strengthening your relationship.
Good lock to the both of you
We have no set system, we cook together. I do most of the cutting up and stirring. She tends to use the power tools, put away and clean up. We both serve as is convenient.
Same here. I’m the cook, and I tend to plate food, because of the presentation aspect. It just seems more complete that way. And no, I don’t have OCD.
However, lately, I’ve done a bit more family style serving at the table as part of the long uphill battle of teaching our kids social graces.
Whoever cooks in our house plates the food. I never thought of it as anything other than a loving gesture. It’s just easier having one person in the kitchen plating than having everyone elbow to elbow trying to scoop the food and get seated before it gets cold.
We’ve been eating together for six years. I have a decent idea how much he usually eats.
I do the cooking, so usually I will fill two plates and carry them down to the family room for us to eat while we watch TV. He usually sets up the TV tables and gets our drinks if we don’t already have some. If he wants more food than I’ve given him, he heads back to the kitchen for seconds. It’s a pretty good system, and it works for us.
I do wish he’d do the dishes more often, though.
My husband does the cooking and he brings me my plate. He claims to enjoy it. I do most of the housework though, including cleaning up the mess he makes cooking. He is a very messy cook.
-Wait certain dishes don’t serve themself. For example soup usually sits on the stove, and pizza is too big to pass around a table.
I usually cook. Then I usually serve and feed my toddler son. Usually my husband serves himself. Or I serve him.
In return, he does…well, I can’t really think of anything he does in return.
Whichever one of us happens to not be holding a screaming baby at the moment takes the lead in dinner-serving activities.
No partner, but in my family, as far back as all four sets of grandparents, and further judging from some family tales about incidents which took place while meals were being served, one person serves.
Who that person is varies; it may or may not be the same as the cook, and a meal may have been prepared by several different cooks.
With a few exceptions of dishes which are specifically prepared for self-serve, in general it’s easier for everybody to have one person stand to serve, and have the plates passed around, than to have each person get up in turn.
ETA: I realized it may be linked to usually eating in a comedor, lit. “eating room”, rather than in the kitchen; the food is served at the table, so people can say “enough, thank you” - learning to size your own stomach is considered a basic social skill here. But even in a kitchen, unless it’s American-sized, it’s easier if a single person has to stand (the criterion used at Middlebro’s house when they’re eating in the kitchen is “whichever grown up got the seat closest to the stovetop”).
Whatever works. We have no defined chores in our household. But everything gets done.
As it turns out, I do most of the cooking. When done, I’ll either bring my wife a plate, or depending on what we are having, a “we’re ready” is called out so she can choose for herself.
I think the OP’s coworkers are misinterpreting this. Simple kind gestures are just that. And then there is habit. Sometimes it’s those things that make a marriage work. Or any relationship really.
My wife has just naturally taken on some duties that I don’t particularly care for, and I do the same for her. That’s how you change from ‘you and me’ to ‘us’.
Hi, honey; I didn’t know you posted here, too!
I’m a guy who likes to do his own plating. Sometimes I become so smitten with myself that I actually take pictures of my awesome plating and send it to friends and family.
Yes, I’m that bad.