Just in case “make a plate” is a Southernism, it means to put the food on the plate and bring it to another person, usually already sitting at the table; to more or less act as a waiter."
Saturday I hosted a pre-Father’s Day dinner for the extended Rhymer clan. In attendance were my wife, baby, and stepdaughter; my four Memphis sisters and their husbands (or, in one case, non-live-in boyfriend) and children; the boyfriends of two of my nieces; my stepdaughter’s fiancé; and my my 20something first-cousin-once-removed “Chuck” and his girlfriend. It was a buffet-style dinner, not a sit-down event. My sisters insisted on making up my father’s plate, as he’s pushing 80 and has mobility problems; that seems only right. But what’s never seemed right to me is the fact that not only did my sisters each make plates for their husbands, but they expected/hinted/pressured my wife, stepdaughter, nieces, and Chuck’s girlfriend to do the same for their men.
This wasn’t simply because it was Father’s Day. My little sister’s boyfriend isn’t a father; neither is Chuck or my stepdaughter’s fiancé. And even on other holiday occasions, most of my sisters, aunts, and female cousins always make plates for their men. This has always bothered me, espeically because even female guests, like Chuck’s girlfriend, are expected to do likewise.
Which brings me to the poll question. Straight women in relationships: if you had been attending such a dinner with the man in your life, would you have made a plate for him? If not, why not? If yes, what damn century are you trapped in, and do you need me to send a continua buggy to bring you into this one?
I do for my husband - because he has mobility issues (knee problem) but mainly because he has a weird thing about accepting food from people. If I don’t get him food, he won’t eat. Then he gets grumpy and wants to stop at McDonalds on the way home.
Mostly (from what he’s told me) it stems from his family never having enough food growing up and he was conditioned to not take food from group serving bowls but just eat what someone else put on the plate for him. I don’t really mind enabling this behavior and don’t feel like I come from a previous century because of it. Seems like a small thing compared to, say, he was the one who quit his job to stay home with our son, when it comes to gender roles.
I would never pressure anyone else to do the same though. That seems just weird/inappropriate.
I really should a marry a southern woman it seems.
I am a man and not in a relationship. But, while I can see a wife making a plate for her husband under certain circumstance,I cannot see it as being done in the ordinary course.
Sure, I’ll do it and I’m not a southern woman, far from it in fact having been in MA for 31 of my 33 years and even farther north for the other 2.
My fiance is totally able bodied and doesn’t expect me to get him his food. He always makes his first plate. But, if I know he liked something particularly and would like seconds, I will offer to get it for him. He will do the same for me though. It’s the same when we’re at home. Whichever of us gets up first will offer to get something for the other.
I frequently do make a plate for Mr. Beetle when we’re at home. I cook, call everyone to dinner, then I fix his plate, then my own. I have been conditioned to think this perfectly normal, but I also do it because “dangit, I’m eating right now whether the rest of you come or not, I saved ya some”.
Family dinners tend to go buffet style; everyone picks up their own plate and squabbles about their place in line.
I will sometimes do this. Not at every type of buffet gathering by any means. I’m not sure how it originated. Possibly because I tend to serve out the food at home, since I’m usually the cook. He also claims I’m better at picking out the good stuff.
I would not dream of suggesting to my daughter, other female relative or anybody else that they should do this.
See, THAT doesn’t bother me. It’s the expectation that the women will ALWAYS make the plates for the menfolk that I find … irksome.
I should have made it clearer that I was wondering about cases in which women do thse all or the majority all the time, rather than occasionally or trading off. My fault, not y’all’s.
Okay, I voted strangely, with both Sometimes, and Hell No, because there are situations where both apply.
Hell no to the idea that it is a woman’s duty to fetch her man a plate. Way back in 1978, when I was 17, my boyfriend tried that B.S. with me, telling, not asking, me to serve him, pointing out that his friend’s girlfriend had just fetched a plate for the friend. His expectation was that women serve men, and he wanted to show off to his boys that he had a woman. I shut that shit down.
** Sometimes **I will fix a plate for my husband, just to be nice. Not because it is my job, and not because he expects it, but because couples who love each other do nice things for each other. He will also fix a plate for me on occasion.
ETA: If I’m cooking a regular dinner at home, I plate everyone’s first helping. Seconds are on the individual, unless I’m getting up anyway.
I reject the notion that your voice was strange; it seems the best way to represent your opinion. (Well, second-best; actually writing a response was best. ). In punishment for your needless apology I have directed the serving bots to give you only three pieces of cake.
While I’m not currently in a relationship, I did answer “sometimes”–only because of aforementioned possible mobility problems. If I were expected to do it, the answer would be a most emphatic no. But if my significant other were nursing an injury, I’d probably be happy to. However, I think anybody who would date me would understand that my own food comes first.
I would have said “no” but at my dad’s birthday party I found myself making a plate of appetizers and taking it to my husband, who was talking with his dad (who he doesn’t get to see too often) out on the porch. Because the appetizers were all inside and I was afraid they’d miss them and it was just a nice thing to do for him. And my mother howled with laughter and said “You said you’d NEVER!”
I don’t do it normally, like if everybody else is getting up.
I answered ‘‘Sometimes.’’ I don’t think I would do it for a buffet unless what he wanted was really simple - he is allergic to a lot of things and needs to control his own food.
But when I cook at home, and I’m in the kitchen, and dinner’s ready, and he’s staring off into space or at his computer screen, it’s not uncommon for me to bring him a plate of food. Not because he’s a man, but because I love him and it’s a loving thing to do.
At our house it generally depends on which of us has a dog (or two, or three) on his or her lap. If he does, I’ll get the food. If I do, he gets the food. If we both do we both starve until the dog moves or our bladders threaten to explode.
). In punishment for your needless apology I have directed the serving bots to give you only three pieces of cake.