Inspired by last night’s Grey’s Anatomy - does anyone actually do this anymore? Did anyone actually ever do this / have this done to them? That is, going to a restaurant, especially on a date, and the man orders the woman’s food for her. I can’t imagine someone doing this to me not resulting in me immediately leaving the date and going home. I also can’t imagine any motive other than paternalism. I also can’t imagine thinking I would know a stranger’s tastes.
Discounting obvious exception scenarios such as 1) The other person is shy or tardy or asking to be surprised or has for some other reason already given permission to the other person to order on their behalf 2) It’s merely a recommendation or some such.
Is this just a myth or anachronism? Has anyone been the unilateral orderer or orderee?
I don’t know if this counts as an obvious scenario or not, but my husband often orders for me and did when we were dating as well, however it fell/falls into three categories for us: (1) I had already told him what I wanted or (2) he knew what I wanted or it was a specific meal that we had gone to that particular restaurant to eat or (3) It is my favorite meal from that restaurant and I always order the exact same thing (which happens a lot).
Back in my dating days, a few dates asked me if they could order for me (if they really wanted me to try something on the menu for example) but no one has ever done it without at least consulting me or knowing me very well.
I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy so I don’t know if any of that would explain away the situation portrayed on the show.
My wife prefers I order for her at restaurants, as she often has problems hearing the little Qs the waiter asks over the background noise (even in quiet-ish places).
However, I do not DECIDE for her. She tells me specifically what she wants, substitutions, cooking prefs, etc…
I was in a long term relationship with a man who would ask me what I wanted, then tell the waiter for me. Eventually I realized that he was a controlling, manipulative douchebag and left him.
My dad used to order for me at restaurants when I was younger because “that’s what gentlemen do.” He stopped some time ago when I pitched a frothing fit about it.
Interesting, could it be an example of Gentlemanly Behaviour (eg. opening doors, waiting for the lady to be seated first, taking your hat off indoors), but one that is perhaps a long time out of date?
I order for my fiancee whenever we go out. She said she likes it, I don’t really know why. I don’t really care but I’d never do it on my own because I use the time the girl is order to finally pick what I want to eat.
Eh, I do it sometimes. Not to be paternalistic or whatever, but to be chivalrous. Of course I know what she wants beforehand, I don’t decide for her. And I try to get a read on whether she’ll like it or not.
I never once had a date throw a tantrum and walk out.
I did it once as a goof with my ex-wife’s permission.
When the waiter got to our table, I spoke to her with my best Peirce Brosnan/Jams Bond impersonation. Complete with arched eyebrows and a self-satisfied, smuggish, grin. For some reason, I felt it was necessary to pull off the goof.
The only circumstance in which I’d be ok with this is if I had to excuse myself from the table prior to ordering. “Hon, if the waiter comes, I want blah blah blah.” Otherwise, it’s a turn-off.
My SO thinks it’s chivalrous/Gentlemanly Behavior, so I order for the both of us. But note that we tend to go to family-style restaurants or places where it’s okay to share plates, and we usually order the same things.
I ask my boyfriend to do it for me (I only ever eat out with him) and I tell him what I want. Even though I’ve been a server myself for years, I hate ordering at restaurants.
I think it did happen like you imagine back in the day - assholes ordering what they thought the woman should have.
I wonder if anyone who takes our order thinks our situation is like this, or that it’s weird. If so, they must be glad he is trying to fatten me up - I always get more food than him.
I’ve done this when introducing a date to new food - for example, when we went out for Ethiopian. But it’s never been unilateral - I’d say something like, “hey, why don’t we get platter X?”, and if my date agreed, I’d order that.
This sounds like a hoot, I’ll have to see if Mr. S would like to try it. (We always joke about Steve Martin playing 007 on vacation without his fabulous expense account on SNL: “And the lady will have . . . NOTHING!” Hmm, do you think “Jams Bond” is when he’s wearing his colorful shorts on the beach? )
Otherwise, yeah, unless I’m not at the table and he knows EXACTLY what I want, I’ll order for myself, thanks.
Does the OP mean the man orders for the woman without consulting her? In old school etiquette, the lady never orders. She tells the man her order and he gives it to the waiter.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a date, it can be an adult son and his mother or grandmother.
I recall an old Carol Burnett show, where they were doing a “Family” sketch and Eunice says: “I woud appreciate it if you would order for myself and Mama and give that to the waiter.” It was a fancy resturaunt and Eunice was afraid Ed would embarrass them. Of course Ed, Mama and Eunice were eventually “asked to leave,” the resturaunt.
I order for my boyfriend all the time. We usually decide what we want (something different from one another so we can share), then I order. He doesn’t ask me to do it, I just have a tendency to speak first, and so am usually the one to order.
I’ve asked him if it bothers him and he seemed suprised I even asked, immediately assuring me he was totally fine with it.
Yep, that exactly how my mother told me it worked. She also mentioned that restaurants used to have seperate menus for men and women. The women’s menu not having any prices on it. Though I think that was already becoming a thing of the past before she married my father.
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