I serve dinner to my husband. I'm still a modern woman.

I don’t even really recall how we got into discussing this, but somehow the topic of conversation amongst some co-workers got around to dinner habits.

We got to asking what the kids like to eat, quick dishes to make on school nights, easy stuff to make on the weekends, and what kind of takeaway we like to get if we don’t feel like cooking.

So during the course of chatting about this really mundane topic I talk about serving my husband his dinner.

I serve my husband his dinner and have always done so. He does not serve his own plate - I do. No, he isn’t the proverbial jerkass who hollers across the house, “Where’s my effin’ dinner?!” :stuck_out_tongue:

He doesn’t have to ask. I make a meal, I serve his plate and he thanks me every time. I check to see if he wants seconds, and if he does, I get it for him.

You would think I suggested we reverse voting rights for women. I was surprised at some of the reactions I got.

“Man’s got two arms and two legs, doesn’t he? You work too, he can’t serve his own plate?”
“My husband knows better than that. We split dinner duty. I get tired at the end of the workday too.”
“I might be the woman in the marriage but I’m not the servant. If I’m in a mood I’ll do it special but things are so crazy most weeks we grab our own plates.”

Geez. A nice little dinner recipe exchange turned - political. Like most other things these days. Sigh. :rolleyes:

Meh. Whatever. I do what I do and they can do what pleases them.

Of course, now I have to poll the Dope. :smiley:

Dopers: Do you serve your partner his or her dinner? If so do you always do it as a matter of routine, or just occasionally?

Each married couple has their little indulgences that they offer to one another. My husband makes the bed while I am in the bathroom, in the morning. I put all his meds and vitamins/herbs in a disposable Dixie cup, and serve them to him. Neither action is servitude, they are some of the little “nice” things we do for one another throughout the day. He brings me flowers from the yard, I cook his favorite dishes. It is called, “Love”. We have been married almost 50 years.

In general, I think we typically do it such that the person who cooks also serves.

We serve ourselves. It’s not a matter of gender roles but of habit. We were in our 30s when we married, and we were both raised by working single mothers and were raised to be self-sufficient. I don’t see anything strange at all about how you and your husband manage things, though. It sounds like it works out fine for you, and what else really matters?

If I am doing all the cooking, I will often serve up all the plates. My husband’s, my son’s and mine. Not always, though. It depends on what we’re cooking. If it’s pizza or tacos or something, not so much. When my husband is cooking, he doesn’t usually serve everything up. In fact, if anyone does, it’s me. And that’s just fine. It is what it is. On the other hand, he does bring me coffee in bed every single morning. It’s a trade-off.

My husband is the 90% cook and dishwasher in the house - so he usually serves me dinner. :smiley:

On the extremely rare occasions that I cook, it’s for guests as well as him, so I usually go “family style” or “buffet style” with big serving dishes in the center of the table, and everyone serves themselves from those. I think that I may have plated his food once or twice in the seven years we’ve been together, but usually all he gets dished up from me is icecream.

Now, that said, he hasn’t done laundry* one single time *since he started dating me, and he only cleans the catboxes when I am too sick to get out of bed for more than three days (which has happened a few times, but not often). He was very grateful that it takes a long time for him to run out of underwear. :wink:

If it makes you happy to make and serve your husband his dinner, don’t worry if people get their panties in a twist. I’m sure they each do something nice for their husbands or families that would make someone else go all :eek: :rolleyes:

I usually do all the serving for my husband and kids initially. After that, if I don’t feel like getting up and someone wants seconds, I’ll ask my husband to do it. It never really occurred to me not to plate anything after I was done cooking unless we’re doing it family style or my husband wants more control over his portions (hard for me to tell how hungry he is sometimes, even when asking him).

My husband and I both serve ourselves from the cooking/prep vessels… but I grew up with a mother who would plate up for everyone and often blame myself for not doing the same. It’s an extra effort that would break this camel’s back, though, so I don’t. I think it’s nice that you do.

I do all the cooking since the health dept., CDC, and Interpol have requested that my wife refrain from cooking. So it often ends up that I’m serving also. But if the dishes are on the table, anything that needs cut to serving sizes, everybody has to get their own.

Meh. Our habits are a great big jumble of “whatever.” Sometimes I cook and serve, sometimes he does. Sometimes I cook or he cooks and we serve ourselves. Sometimes I’ll get his plate started and tell him to finish it (so he can put his own condiments/whatever on the way he wants it).

He more often than not will make my coffee for me in the mornings (both in the sense of making the pot of coffee, which he always does, and pouring my cup and putting the cream and sugar in it). He recently found a recipe for a microwave mug-o-brownie, which he was so excited about I got a brownie mug every night for a week.

My fave is when we cook together, but things have been so crazy lately that it doesn’t happen as often as it used to. :frowning:

We mostly serve ourselves. There are a few dinners my wife makes that she serves because they are difficult, but those are the exception.

It seems to me that if we’ve reached a point where doing something nice for someone automatically qualifies as betraying widely accepted social principles, then those social principles are in serious need of revision. Similarly, if we’re constantly examining our every action to know our deeper motivations, we should be getting more personal insight out of the deal. Otherwise, it’s not eating your cake and not having it, too.

It’s your life. Live it as you see fit. If necessary, remind people that you’re a modern woman based simply on the era in which you live.

I mentioned doing my partner’s laundry once, and the women I was with were shocked. Good god, yeah, I do his laundry. AND serve his dinner.

I’ve never plated food for my husband - any of the three. My mom didn’t do it for my dad, either. It sounds like one of those customs that some people do and some people don’t do (like the shoes in the house thing).

Like others have said, whatever small things you do for one another, either out of kindness or out of not wanting other people to bollix it up, that’s your business… I wouldn’t judge you for doing it.

It would seem awfully odd to me, to plate someone else’s food. How would I know how much they wanted of each thing? I haven’t done it for my kids since they learned how to help themselves from the common bowl (I guess that’s called ‘family style’).

I do the cooking, she does the laundry. What’s the big deal? Recently my wife told someone at work that she was tired a lot lately. The woman told her she should make me do my share of the housework. She admitted I was doing more than my share of it, and then told her friend it was sexist to assume I wasn’t.

One of my favorite parts of cooking is plating and serving the food. When I’m making meals for large groups of people, I never let anyone help me with that part.

On the other hand, if I’m the one cooking, somebody else can damned well do the dishes.

This. I don’t care about the gender politics involved, but it just seems like a recipe for either overeating, or wasting food. This is why I think it sounds kinda dumb. But hey, whatever floats your boat.

I have a pretty good idea how much my wife wants to eat. And we worked out this system if I don’t put enough on her plate. She’ll say “I’d like more”, and I put more on her plate. We have a similar system when the kid’s come for dinner. They’ll say “I’d like more”, and I’ll say “I’d like you to pay for your student loans”, then my wife get’s them some more.

Yeah. Except for restaurants, I don’t think anyone’s made up my dinner plate since I was a kindergartener. If somebody expected me to make up his, I would think there was something wrong with him.

Very well put.
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