If Dinner's Put On the Table, But Nobody Eats It, Has a Feeding Occurred?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My Hubby loves to cook. Loves to watch cooking shows, collects recipes ad nauseum, buys exotic ingredients and whatnots.

The results are usually rave-worthy, although sometimes he leans too heavily on spices (or just plays) such that you can’t tell what the main ingredient was. It’s not a big deal to me if I don’t like the results, I can always find something else to eat.

The most annoying part is dealing with the leftovers, which he usually forgets about. The man cannot cook in a small quantity. He once threw out a huge pot of sweet & sour soup - having never made it before, he doubled the recipe anyway & decided he hated the whole thing.

OK - SO - Now we’ve got kids. And Hubby’s cooking style hasn’t changed a whit. Tonight, for example, he spent an hour and a half making salmon patties (which didn’t taste like salmon by the time he was done playing with them), fried potatoes, bok choy, and fried clams. “Dinner’s ready!” he calls out - I’m in our toddlers’ bedroom, making play-doh balls with them to keep them out from underfoot while the maestro works his magic in the kitchen.

Did they eat the salmon? Hell no.
Potatoes? Forget it.
Bok choy? Pfffffffffft.
Didn’t even try the clams.

So now I have to spend the next 10 minutes making their dinner while mine grows cold. His plate is piled high with food, he’s munching away; they’ve got nothing until I rustle up the Elmo plates, kiddie cutlery, wrestle them into their chairs, wipe hands, clear uneaten Daddy food off the Elmo plates, and dig out the cottage cheese which I ladle onto Elmo’s smiling mug.

Now, I want to be grateful to my Hubby for cooking - we’ve been married for 18 years, during which that man has made hundreds of delightful meals (and several dozen clunkers) (including tonight’s salmon patties) (I think he put wasabi mayonaise in there) (the man likes to play).

But OTOH, when there’s a mess in the kitchen, two fidgety toddlers (who may or may not be hungry depending on how long it took him to finish his concoction) to contend with, and no chance for ME to consume anything (much less take the TIME to FIX a good DINNER MYSELF) (did I mention we have twin toddlers?) – it’s kind of hard to be thankful. For a dinner the kids didn’t eat. And I didn’t enjoy. I don’t like wasabi mayonaise.

How does this scenario play in your household?

2

I get in moods like that sometimes, cooking up stuff that my wife’s never heard of or has heard of and doesn’t like. Generally, in those cases, while I’m cooking, she’s got a “back-up meal” going, too. I give them credit, for the most part, they try what I make. They may not always like it, so there is always something else cooking so that she and my son don’t go hungry just because I’m in the mood for Stuffed Cabbage or something. I know better than to suprise her like this, as she’s a rather picky eater, so if I make something wierd and she doesn’t eat, it’s not my fault.

3

We have a toddler. Well, I suppose he’s bigger than a toddler, now, since he’s almost four. My husband and I like to cook strange things, too, but if it’s something new, the little one always has a different meal prepared. He’ll eat his, then try some of ours. If he likes it, then we put it on “the list” of things that we can all eat without having to co-cook another dish for back-up. Often, the little one’s meal is simple to put together because we’ll just leave out some of the more exotic things we are doing to our own food. For example, if our meal includes some bizarre concoction of rice, we’ll reserve some of the plain rice for our son. If it involves pasta, I’ll reserve some plain pasta and add only butter and grated cheese to his. Meatballs get saved from the sauces for him, and there’s always fresh veggies, fruits, boiled eggs, and cheese to supplement for him.

4

It could be worse. You could be cooking up the evening meal AND cleaning it up.

I never had the nerve to take the route my sister took: “I didn’t ask you to like it, I told you to eat it.” If you refused to eat what was cooked for your dinner, well, there will be breakfast in a few hours.

Kiddies should have at least *tasted * the fried clams and bok choy. Maybe with ketchup; kids seem to eat almost anything with enough ketchup.

My sister also believes that whoever doesn’t do the cooking should do the cleanup. If she cooks, her husband cleans up and vice versa.

Now, me, I know my husband would neither cook nor clean up. But then, I don’t do yard work or vehicle maintenance. And when cooking something that I’m pretty sure part of the family will not or cannot eat, I make a backup meal as well. For example, aforesaid husband refuses to eat chicken. So I would make a hamburger patty for him when making chicken for the rest of us. And if I’ll make a special meal for him, then I had to be prepared to do the same for others.

5

I think hubby, when he makes these concoctions, ought to automatically make a hot dog, or a pbj, or whatever is quick and nutritious and dependable. In our house, kiddo would be required to at least taste things, and then be able to settle into his plain noodles, or whatever. But whoever cooks, cooks the whole dinner, including any special kid dishes. But special kid dishes are kept to a very small range of easily prepared items.

And, in fact, once Paidhi Girl was expert at pbjs, the rule for her became “If you won’t eat what we’re eating, make yourself a pbj or wait until breakfast.” But she’ll pretty much eat anything anyway–it’s the five-year-old who’s picky.

It seems to me that if hubby is making dinner, dinner includes kiddo’s dinner. Maybe you can talk to him about this? Without any further details, your husband’s behavior seems a bit selfish. Let him know that next time it would be just as easy for him to throw a few grilled cheese (or whatever) on while he’s whipping up a masterpiece, since he’s the one on dinner duty. That only seems fair to me.

I’m not saying, though, that his behavior is caused by some moral deficiency on his part. Some guys just don’t learn how to do things like cook or clean, and things that would seem obvious to someone who does those things all the time, they just don’t see. For instance, I worked with a woman who had recently married a very nice guy, who was happy to help out with things, but when she would, say, ask him to do the dishes after supper, he would do exactly that–the dishes. He wouldn’t wipe the counter afterwards, or straighten anything in the kitchen. To her, all of that was an obvious part of “doing the dishes after supper.” To him, he’d done exactly what she’d asked.

Your husband may not realize that making kids’ meals is part of dinner duty, and clearing that up might do wonders.

6

My wife is a trained chef.

We don’t have kids.

I eat like a king. :smiley:

7

:snort: Funny, Coldfire! Just you wait :shakes fist: !
Thanks for the insights & suggestions!

8

Have you talked to him about this? Communication is the key that locks the two of you together. Calmly explain to him that the kids aren’t ready for, however delicious, exotic foods. Since they need routine, how would it be if, before he started dinner for the adults, he could put together something simple, and familar for them. That way you could be feeding them while he is making your feast…
They eat, you eat, while Poppa cooks. everyone wins!

9

I’ve run into this issus from the cook end. I like to cook, but I don’t do it by the clock. I use things like smell, color, appearence, texture and tempature sensors (ok occationally the smoke detector). When I am asked what time is dinner the answer is I don’t know, because I really don’t know, and my best guess can be off by quite a bit. When things start to be ‘fully cooked’ it happens very quickly and there is a very small window before it is overcooked.

10

We are not a short order cook.

Toddlers can certainly eat “exotic foods”. I got into this with my sister-in-law when she wanted to order pizza for the kids while we made chinese. “What exactly do you think Chinese kids eat?” I asked her.

Our rule is simple: three bites of any unfamiliar food. For a toddler, three bites is a meal, so there’s no problem. Don’t like it? Don’t eat any more. Can’t get three bites in? As another poster said, breakfast is a few hours away. Toddlers thrive on startlingly little amounts of food. For an older (2.5 or up) kid, the pb&j is an option, but you have to make it yourself. Yes, a two and a half year old CAN make a pb&j sammich herself.

Our secondary rule is even simpler: everyone stays at the table until we’re all done. You don’t have to eat all that time, but you do have to sit quietly. We also tell stories at dinner, which keeps the Littles entertained.

Don’t turn dinner into a battlefield. They eat or they don’t. Not your problem. Kids simply will not starve themselves if a healthy variety of food is offered to them. (Until puberty, anyway.) A toddler needs only three tablespoons of food a day, according to my pediatrician.

Wasabi mayonaise? Can you ask him to put condiments on the side? Then you can try it, but not have it ruin the dish if you don’t like it.

11

It’s just the Wife and me. I do most of the cooking when we don’t just graze.

There are a few things she does not like that I will avoid. Beef stew for example. Though, once in a blue moon I will make it. She said she liked the last batch, so there’s hope.

On the other hand, I cannot eat any type of seafood. I loath the stuff. But is pretty easy to throw a Salmon steak on the grill next to my real steak.

12

Hubby and I did have a chat about this - I thought I’d dropped enough hints over the past year (when they started table food) for him to get the picture, but evidently not. OTOH, I tend to make it about “why can’t you think about the kids, and adapt to our new family needs?” rather than “hey, throw a couple of chicken nuggets in the oven, wouldja?”. Lessons for both of us.

Since it’s been mentioned a couple of times – I do agree w/giving them the chance to try anything and everything. They’re always welcome to a taste of what I’ve got. Sometimes they’ve taken an interest in something that surprised me, like hummus.

But I don’t have any “three bite minimum” rule. The twins are only 21 months old, and they do eat a variety of foods (mostly starches and fruits); it’s just not a wide range. My parents fought w/my sister over her food choices for years, and to this day she doesn’t eat as well as my kids do.

13

Dammit, Clogboy!

First you nab one of the prettiest women at the DopeFest, and now you give us this!

14

It’s one of those relatively few situations that’s actually cured by more communication. Not to get all Oprah here, but the answer’s honestly pretty simple. Express appreciation at your husband’s cooking, point out that what you and he enjoy is not always what the kids enjoy, and help him understand that experimenting with dinner is something that should be done with some attention to the kids’ needs as well. Obviously he loves cooking, which is gonna push him towards making more exotic options. This is great - encourage your kids to try the stuff, but have him (for example) make one or two exotic items and the rest of the meal normal. Salmon patties with some regular ol’ mashed potatoes and broccoli would mean that the kids could eat most of the meal and only minor adjustments would be necessary. Just make sure to remind him how much you enjoy the food and appreciate the help, but point out that when he makes something the kids don’t enjoy, it’s unfair for you to have to get up from the table and cook a second meal while he’s eating his.

15

One of the prettiest? Who did I miss? :smiley:

16

After listening to my dad complain about damned near everything my mom ever cooked, the rule in my (and my husband’s) house is, if you don’t like it, you know where the kitchen is. That said, my husband is not a picky eater - eggs are the only food he won’t eat, so cooking for him is not a problem. And I’m a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself. But yeah, like others have said, a little communication would probably go a long way in your situation, fessie. At least he likes to cook; in our house, it’s me cooking or eating out. Which is mostly fine with me; I just get a little tired of it sometimes.

17

I think you mean three tablespoons of food per serving.

18

We have the “peanut butter/hot dog” rule. My son will eat darn near anything. My daughter is much pickier. So you can always have a peanut butter sandwich or a hot dog. These don’t take long to make, so I still get to eat when my food is hot. Keep kid friendly fairly healthy snacks around as well (grapes, raisins, string cheese - nothing wrong with an entire meal of grapes and string cheese when you are two!). At about five they could make the peanut butter sandwich themselves (but usually whine until I do it.) When all else fails, we pop popcorn for an after dinner snack. I know a lot of people believe “if they are hungry, they will eat what you put in front of them.” I believe “if they are hungry, they will make my life miserable until they get so desperate they will eat wasabi salmon cakes, but the intervening two days will not be good for mommy.”

It does sound like your husband has to learn that there is a different style involved in getting dinner together when there are two toddlers in the house. It helps to be prepared for toddlers not liking things. Buy another set of Elmo plates so you can just wisk away Daddy food and plop the cottage cheese and cubes of ham on their plate.

19

This has been how that particular meme has always worked for me, too.

My children can be very picky, but they generally have a varied diet. Just not as varied as mine. That’s okay, and I have foods that I don’t like, either. Nobody likes to eat everything, and as long as they at least try it, I’m satisfied.

I would seriously thump my husband on the head, though, fessie ;), oh and hummus must be kid friendlier than people imagine. My three year old loves hummus!

20

You should be grateful for small favors.
When he stops cooking you will be stuck with all of it.
And when the kids leave you will find that any recipe will yield enough to toss some out.
I’m speaking from experience here.