[i]The Conqueror[/i]

In Cecil’s column about John Wayne, he tells a bit about the film in question. I really want to see this movie now. Does anyone know how I could get ahold of a copy? The rent-by-mail places I know that have everything don’t have it. Places like Amazon are far out of stock. Any ideas?

Mathochist. Since you’re not commenting on Cecil’s column, but merely looking for help, this forum has to get you more answers. So I moved it.

samclem GQ moderator.

(But I like your thinking. You posted in what you thought was the correct column. Good boy/girl). :slight_smile:

You do not want to see this move. It’s not “funny/bad,” it’s just “bad/boring.” And so looooong you can develop cancer and die just watching it.

There are numerous copies of this opus available just about anytime on Ebay (including now).

Oh come, on, Eve, it’s not taht bad (at least by the levels of taste of lesser mortals such as myself), and the opening sequence where they ride the horses down a nearly vertical cliff is pretty dang cool. The rest of the movie, of course, isn’t. (Though I do find it hysterical that they cast William Conrad as John Wayne’s brother!)

(a) Any movie that contains this sort of casting is, by definition, funny.
(b) Same goes for any movie with a character named Jamuga.
© With enough alcohol, any movie is funny.

And come on. This is a piece of Americana. The movie that killed John Wayne, Susan Hayward, and Agnes Moorehead and drove Howard Hughes insane? Man, I hope I’ve accomplished as much when I’m 50.

It’s worth watching for the bad acting and the terrible dialog. I first saw this movie while stationed at an Air Force Base overseas. The base theater tended to get all of the movies that nobody else wanted. When this turkey was shown, it got a lot of laughs. It didn’t hurt that our expectations were low and that we had plenty of beer to drink.

John Wayne was in some other stinkers. I remember watching one where he was an Air Force pilot in Alaska and some Hollywood bombshell played a Soviet woman pilot who defected to the USA. Of course, it was really a Soviet intelligence operation to steal secrets from the USA. After a little exposure to a real American he-man (Wayne) and a few shopping trips, she crumbled and defected for real.

Yes Eve
“The Conqueror” is NOT “Plan 9 From Outer Space” bad.

It is more like “Meteor”, "Police Academy (any #), “Leonard Part 6”, “Jaws 4”, “Rhinestone”, “Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot”, “Superman 4” kind of bad.

Jet Pilot.

It’s more dated than bad. I can see that it would be funny if you were in the service.
The Air Force apparently not only provided footage for the movie, but flew planes for it.

There’s bad and then there’s bad. No need to lump the first four in with 5, 6, 7, and 8(!?).

I think that this is the link you meant. :shudder:

Uh, yeah, that’s the one. I thought I had copied the url.

Big Jim McClain

If you are a devotee of bad John Wayne films, this one can’t be missed. Nothing better than seeing some heroic HUAC investigators tracking down Fellow Travelers in Hawaii.

And you can see Alan Napier (Alfred from the Batman TV series) play a bad guy.

Wow, they got Steve Guttenberg back. The last three had gotten so pathetic that even Guttenberg turned his nose up at them. I wonder if this development means that the Police Acadamy franchise has experienced a microscopic bounce in quality, or if Steve Guttenberg’s career has sunk to previously unplumbed depths. I suspect the latter.

I also note that the same guy has play Commandant Lassard in all eight movies. How old is that guy now, 90? Don’t cops have a manditory retirement age? It’s depressing to see that the sequels have so totally abandoned the stringent realism of the original.

George Gaynes plays Commandant Lassard and the IMDB says he is 87.

Not only did they fly planes for it, they got a certain young major by the name of Charles Edward Yeager to fly the planes for it. This doesn’t include some of the footage of the X-1 flights that were used as the “parasite fighter” design - Gen. Yeager mentions in his biography that he was specifically assigned to fly fighters for the movie and has some fairly amusing stories to tell about it - including lying to his friends about how big his part was.

Now, as for The Conqueror…it’s better than Kull, Conan the Destroyer, or First Knight and really, who can complain - it’s John Wayne with a sword!

Actually, I’m pretty sure the Stonecutters are to blame. :wink:

Yeah, I remember pointing out the X-1 to Mrs. Plant.
Wasn’t there a program for bombers penetrating the Soviet Union to carry fighters under the wing?

And don’t diss Robert E. Howard, fella! :slight_smile:

Yeah, there were various failed parasite fighter programs in real life, usually centering around launching fighters from the bomb-bays of heavily modified B-36 Peacemakers. There was also a reconaissance version of the F-84 that was attempted as a parasite. They were pretty easy to launch and nearly impossible to recover - a few times the fighters lost their canopies and nearly took out the “mothership” bombers. If they were that hard to dock under test conditions, imagine trying it after taking a little battle damage…

Luckily, the Air Force came to its senses and aerial refueling became practical about the same time. Tankers make for a much more logical way to extend the range of a fighter. Do a Google search for the XF-85 Goblin if you want to see just how desperate they got for a workable parasite design…
As for Robert E. Howard, I’m not the one dissin’ him - the filmmakers responsible for that horrid “sequel” to Conan the Barbarian and whatever the hell crapfest Kevin Sorbo starred in a few years ago did that quite well on their own!