I Think Hillbilly Queen's Gone Off The Deep End

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Well, somebody in this town has, at any rate. I went out to stock up on cigarettes for my roadtrip of doom and as I pulled out of the trailer park, I noticed that there was lots of cops lining the road headed towards town. Naturally, not wanting to disrupt the officers doing their job, I went the other way. Took me longer, but hey, you know, no need to attract attention to myself when I’m doing nothing wrong. Still, I saw bunches and bunches of patrol cars, all with their blue lights flashing, and I wondered what could have every cop in town out in the area in such a hurry. Stopped off at the store, where everything was quiet and the clerk didn’t know what was going on, got my smokes and headed back home.

This time, I went a different route, and nearly got rearended by a cop as he sped past me on the median (I was about to make a right turn). Noticed the cop was in a hurry, and kept my distance back. I see him pull into a driveway, and turn his blue lights on, and I think, “Uh, oh.” Cop backs out, keeps going the way he was headed, only he drives in the opposite lane, shining his light at the trees lining the road. Then I see him pull into a driveway and shine his light down into a gully. There’s someone at the bottom of the gully with a flashlight shining it up at the cop. As I drive past, I notice an unmarked police car parked on a side street with his lights flashing. Hmm, says I, this is really big for this town. Normally, I don’t see a cop at all, no matter what time of day I’m out, and now I’m seeing every one of them. So I stop off at the gas station near my trailer park and ask the clerk what’s going on.

“There was a shooting near here, somewhere.” She says, and then goes back to talking on the phone.

There hasn’t been a shooting in this town in about 4 years. The biggest news we’ve had is when someone stole a plastic pig from one of my neighbors yards and sent the owner ransom notes. (Complete with pork products! :eek: ) I notice that hillbilly’s not on line here at the Dope, so I’m wondering if she spent the evening eating cases of Twinkie’s and watching the complete *Walking Tall* saga on DVD, and decided that it was time for her to administer some justice. :eek:

2

Nope, not me! And believe it or not, I’ve never eaten a Twinkie or seen “Walking Tall” (does that mean I have to hand over my crown?).

3

Hmm, I believe it does. :wink:

4

No, you can keep the crown.

But if you wanted to take off the robe…
:slight_smile:

5

Nah! Go munch a couple moon pies and all will be forgiven. :smiley:

6

I checked the local Web news sites, & found nothing. :confused:

7

I think I read about the plastic pignapping (and the ransom notes w/ pork products) and thought it was the funniest thing I’d read in ages.

8

Only if they’re washed down with RC Cola. :wink:

9

Yup here’s a link. Still funny (although I realize the woman was rightfully pissed that her pigs were stolen.)

But it’s just hilarious.

(And they were concrete pigs)

10

Now that, folks, is what you call

YARD ART

duffer duh! Everybody knows the RC Cola goes without saying. :stuck_out_tongue:

11

Dunno, I looked last night and didn’t see anything either, so who knows? IAC, every cop in Gallatin could be found within a couple of blocks of where I live, so something had them agitated.

12

That happens alot around here. Like when my neighbor burned to death in his back yard. There was no mention in the paper or the news. It takes alot for anything to compete with the church functions and Historical Society events.

13

I thought it was the Sensuous Sodomites of the SDMB (or whatever it was they ended up naming themselves) who were in charge of eating twinkies? :wink:

14

Could be that they had a lead on a “wanted”, but it crapped out. Guy probably went over the back fence while they were knocking on the front door.

15

‘ceptin’ in these parts, where a moon pie is washed down with an Ale8One!

16

Damn, and I thought I was a pervert.