I think I found my bio dad

A few months ago I found the man who my mum said was my bio dad on Facebook. From the information I found on Facebook I found his mailing address. It took me a couple of weeks to find the write words but I eventually sent him a letter via registered post. I told him my name and asked if he knew my mother? I said that I thought there was a possibility that he could be my bio dad as my mum had told me that growing up. I then asked if he thought I could be right. I told him a little about my self and sent it off. 1 month passed with no reply even though I know it got collected from the post office a week after I sent it ( the joys of registered post). I decided to send the same message to his Facebook account. I never knew that is you weren’t friends with someone that your messages don’t automatically go to there message box. So it just sat in his others box going unnoticed.
3 months after I sent my original letter I got a letter back :eek:
It was short and civil and said that from what I had told him it could be a possibility that I was right. He said he was shocked but that he was open to communication and gave me his mobile, email and Facebook.
This was a lot more positive then I was expecting. I sent him an email a couple of days later thanking him for taking the time to responses to my letter. He asked for a friend request on Facebook which I accepted. We have been emailing back and forth a few times. I turns out that he saw me when I was a baby but wasn’t sure if he was the father ( my mum had a lot of “friends” which I was already aware of).
In our last emails I asked him why he never tried to find out if I was his and maybe we should do a paternity test. He relied by saying he understands his actions at the time are unacceptable and that sorry just doesn’t cut it. He said he is happy to do a paternity test.
I am now FREAKING out because what if he isn’t my bio dad? Growing up I was always told it was him, if it’s not I have no other leads!
Also what if he IS my bio dad, I’m conflicted on what is expected of me. I’m not sure if either of us wants to build a friendship/relationship. It’s all just so scary and emotional.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would love to hear some feed back on how you dealt with all these emotions, and the outcome of your situation. Or even just any advise on what I should do. Thanks

Sounds like a real bio-shock for both of you.

I guess you need to decide what you want to know, and when you want to know it, and if you want to know it at all. Uncertainty can be more comforting in the long run that a certainty you’re wrong.

If it were me, I think I’d want to know for sure if he was my bio-dad, because that would help me to know if there should be a relationship going forward and what kind. And just take it from there … it’s great that he’s willing to help you with this.

Knowing definitively could be helpful for medical history.

Also, the whole being family thing, of course.

I admit I would definitely want to know for medical reasons.

If you don’t hit it off with him, you do not need to cultivate a relationship with him even if he tests positive as your bio dad.

The usual reason someone doesn’t follow through is simply because they are afraid. He was probably too afraid to find out then, and now realizes the cost of not knowing.

Out of curiosity, how did you find, and why did you pick, this message board, to mention this? We get so many introductory posts about variations on some ‘family/relationship’ situation, and just wonder what brings them here?

Earl snake-Hips Tucker I came on here because I did a search on Google for similar situations and there was one from here and everyone was really supportive and had a lot of opinions. I thought I would try this message board as its been so hard for me to express my feeling to my friends as they have never been in this situation. I thought there might be a few people on here that had.

OK, cool.

Was it me?

No etv78 it wasn’t a post by you. I can’t remember exactly who it was but it was a long name and her story was she had found her bio dad and was going to call him and aske for advise. I remember he was a police offer and everything turned out good for her ( well at the time she posted) I think her name was Jess.
Etv78 have you found your bio dad?

Not yet. Hope to this summer. Check out the thread I started about “having the info to find my bio parents”.

Will check it out tonight etv78. Good luck.

Even if he isn’t your dad, it sounds like he has grown with time, and might have some other leads for you.

gamer groan


It sounds from his actions so far that there is a very strong possibility that he is the one.

Take the test first, and the rest will work itself out, one step at a time.

Good luck to the both of you.

Take the test. If he’s not your real bioDad would you rather know now or when you have some medical test , in future?

If he’s not the guy, there will be time to freak about it then. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

When you set about to find him you surely knew things could take unexpected twists, right? Well, here’s your first. How you going to handle it? Because there will be more, I’d wager!

And when you boil it down, this one ain’t so bad. He acknowledges it’s possible, is frank about his reasons for not pursuing it, and open enough to want to engage in relationship with you. Willing to take a DNA test too boot. In the ‘things could go badly’, dept, this is pretty weak when you think about it!

Is it possible Moms been saying it’s this guy because he was the best of a bad bunch? Or because she can’t remember the others? Or because she thought you’d never connect? Any of these things could be possible. But I think you already knew that, didn’t ya?

Remain calm, move forward slowly, be as authentic as you can, and remember to breathe!

Good Luck!

Nah, the real bio-shock would be if he found out he had a little sister.

If he’s not your father, then I would suggest going back to your mom and asking if she could narrow down which of her many friends she was hanging out with 40 weeks before your birthday.

elbows your right i absolutely knew there was a chance he wasn’t it , which is why it was such a shock that he didn’t straight away dismiss me. I think everything has been very positive so far.

We have decided to get tested so am in the stages of organizing that.

He seems to ‘dislike’ my mother a great deal, he has never said anything disrespectful of her but has mead it clear that he doesn’t want to deal with her ( which is fine with me as I haven’t had contact with her for a few years). He has said that he doesn’t think he can elaborate on it at the moment, but I will admit i am very curious to know what happened between them. I however am respectful of his wishes and haven’t asked.

Thank you everyone for the advise :slight_smile: