I think I just invented a new kind of fun animal cruelty!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Everyone knows that the best way to discourage cat behavior is to spray them with a water bottle, because they have no idea where the water came from.

Wrong. My cats figured it out right quick. They figured out the bottle was evil. They didn’t quite manage to draw the next conclusion, however, that it was us making the bottles work. It got to the point that we could keep the cats out of a room just by setting the squirt bottle menacingly in the doorway. So sometimes I’d hide it around corners and then call the kitties… the look on their wittle faces as they came fact to face with the Evil Bottle was just too funny :slight_smile:

22

Inigo is a very mellow kitty, so he’s fun to mess around with. Some of my favorites:
[ul]
[li] Cat Scan: Lay on the floor, facing up. Pick up Inigo, all 15 lbs of him. Brace him under his chest and pelvis, so his four feet point straight down at you. Commence scan: slowly move kitty straightforward, over your torso, making a sound resembling both machinery and felines: “MrrrrrrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEoow!” Inigo turns his ears to the side, wondering what the hell this is all about.[/li]
[li] Cat Curls: While standing, hold Big Kitty (one of his nicknames),face down, in the crux of both arms, so he’s resting more or less in your elbow pit. Holding firmly onto him, straighten your arms (thus turning him upside down) and then return to the original position. Repeat until Inigo is either dizzy, bored, annoyed, or all of the above.[/li][/ul]
Mija (aka Little Kitty) is much less amused by such antics and will eat you alive if you try them. She will, however, become a kamikaze pilot when it comes to her feather-on-a-fishing-pole toy, diving, twisting, turning, jumping, etc. with absolutely no pause to consider her surroundings. This is extra funny on slippery linoleum, we found out tonight.

One thing DeathLlama and I like to do to both cats is create a dialogue for our mute houseguests. “C’mon, just let me have one little bite of the scaley rope thing? I won’t hurt it…much. Look, I’ll share it with you…Aw, c’mon…” <—“conversation” today while I had Henry, our 5’ corn snake, out.

Finally…DeathLlama likes to spook the kitties with his 6’4" frame and size-13 tootsies. For example, one time the two cats were in a full-on wrestling match on the family room floor, biting, kicking, growling, and otherwise completely oblivious to the world around them. DeathLlama snuck up on them, lept at the last minute, and BOOM landed about a foot from their twisted bodies. Both cats shot across the floor, full throttle, with Inigo leaping blindly up on a table, knocking half the things off of it, before scrambling underneath it. Mija went under another table, and both cats were at maximum puff and eye dilation.

DL felt horrible, but I meanwhile laughed to the point of tears. Oh, man, what a beautiful moment!

23

Cruel but painless…when one of the cats is being obnoxous, I sometimes take my revenge- in the form of a clean cotton(for the breathable pours) sweat sock. After watching him frantically trying to get it of his head by backing up for a minute or so, pull it off, and kitty leaves you alone for hours.

Of course picking cat up and spinning until you’re both dizzy is fun too, but you need someone else to watch to see if he falls over.

24

I’ve made my dogs dizzy before. It’s hilarious. They just stand there for a second, try taking a step, and plop right over.

25

I just tried the finger-in-yawning-cats-mouth trick for the first time as I was reading this thread. The cat looked shocked, and I couldn’t stop giggling. I’ll have to try that again some time.

26

Opalcat, I hardly ever have to use the Squirt Bottle of Doom at all anymore. I point it at my cat and he cowers and/or runs away. He only likes water when he’s in control, like checking out the bathtub after I take a shower.

I can’t think of anything really mean I do to him, but he seems to think I’m mean on a regular basis. You know, not constantly petting him and feeding him. Especially feeding him. (He’s on a diet.)

27

A great variation on the ‘make your cat dizzy’ game. Try putting them in a swivel chair with wheels and spin them around in that for a while. Never saw a cat look so drunk. :slight_smile:

28

I’ve done that too. It’s great how the chair stops spinning, but the cat doesn’t. :smiley:

29

Kittens and a bamboo cane. Swizzle it in a circle around them. It’s like them chasing their tail, but you can keep it up for longer and the result is many dizzy kitties.

Carefully pinch your cat’s nose shut. Since they can’t breathe through their mouths, it takes about 2 seconds before they shake their heads and give you an annoyed look.

One of my parent’s cats has a ticklish foot. 'Nuff said.

Another is as sweet tempered as anything, but is old and has a kind of perma-grumblegrowl going on, like an old man’s mumble. Anyway, this is great for making music. It annoys her immensely too.

My dad used to have a big ol’ cat Gobbolino. Gobby always knew that if he heard the shout “Rugby, Gobs!” he better leg it to the door ASAP or my dad would be on him with a rugby tackle.

God, I’d forgotten how funny it is to own a cat. Frankly, you’re never bored. I can’t wait to move into my new place and buy a pair of them.

pan

30

Supreme Being: So, I wait until the Doper has the most important thing in their entire life to post and then I make their IP go down. Wow, what a rush!

31

Kitty Burrito: - wrap one 12-lb. cat very snugly in a bright fluffy towel. Take picture of little face peering out (expression: what did I do to deserve this?). Pretend to eat, avoiding claws as towel is unwrapped.
Kitty Nativity: - Swaddle 12-lb. cat in fluffy towel. Put blue towel on own head (Virgin Mary). Sit on couch, looking pious and adoring of the Kitty Jesus.

NOTE: Do not attempt to eat the Kitty Jesus.
Kitty hammock: Put plastic bag near cat (make sure bag has handles and is strong). When cat fully crawls into bag, pick up bag and hang on doorknob. Watch kitty go to sleep.

NOTE: Remember to remove kitty door decoration before running vacuum, so kitty does not panic and shred bag.
Musketkitty: Take one 12-lb. cat. Hold epee blade over kitty’s head, just out of reach. Watch kitty bat at blade. Drag tip of blade away from kitty. Watch kitty chase blade. Scratch kitty on back just above tail with epee. Watch kitty get all mushy.

32

I love to do the finger in the yawning mouth thing - it annoys the shit out of my cats. One of them has a broken off canine and it gives me a chance to check it on a regular basis, but for the other two, it’s just mean fun.

One of my girls is enthusiastic but somewhat klutzy, and inadvertantly found herself trapped and embarrassed because of it. She was following her more nimble brother’s example of walking on top of my bookshelves in the dark. At the time, I had (picture it) two units against one wall and three against the adjoining wall, front corners abbutting, with a 1 foot square hollow place in the corner, approximately 6 feet deep. The units are about 80 pounds each empty, and the books had to go somewhere else before I could move the shelves. It took about an hour to get her out - she was mewing frantically and trying to dig her way through to safety. I could hardly breathe I was laughing so hard, and trying to comfort her all at the same time.

We too have a Squirt Bottle of Doom. My mom’s kitten, god rest her soul, used to just continue whatever naughtiness she was doing and squint in preparation for the coming jet of water. Obstinant little thing, she was.

Will have to try the cat in swivel chair thing, sounds like good fun.

33

missdavis102, do what I did - get a large thick rope or towel large enough for cat to grasp and climb up. Mud was always falling behind the washing machine and the hot water heater. Doesn’t work if kitty is declawed, and not as amusing, but better for your back than moving books and bookcases.

34

CommandoKitty: An old favorite, lay a strip of tape down the cat’s back, the cat will crawl on its belly, as it tries to get out from under whatever’s pushing on its back.

The Cat Pipes: Friend’s dad did this one time: place kittly under arm like a football, then gently squeeze ribs. Play a funeral dirge!

Omygoditsasnake! Our cat thinks my belt is a snake. All I have to do is toss it in her general direction and she bolts!
An unintentional animal torture happened not too long ago, when the cat tried to walk across the footbar of our bed. She slipped (to be fair, the bar WAS made of metal), and then tried to hold on with her two front paws, before finally falling, then slinking out of the room while I almost choked to death, I was laughing so hard.

More unintentional torture: My mom used to have a cat that would lie on top of the TV, soaking in the warmth. Well, dumbass would fall behind the TV with a loud CRASH! about every month or so. It was always more amusing than whatever we were watching.

Dress Me Kitty: It’s not like I’ve ever played with dolls or anything, but putting a t shirk on a cat is really funny for some reason.

35

The fingers in the mouth when yawning thing is even more fun to do to your significant other. :slight_smile: Mwuhahahahah. I do it to my cat too. I used to pick my cat up under his arms and twirl him real slow like a baton. He always seemed to enjoy it.

I used to also go “catfishing.” You tie a water balloon to a string that is suitable to hold it, and dangle it around the cat. It is more fun if the cat has sharp pointy claws. :slight_smile:

HUGS!
Sqrl

36

Man, I love doing this! The cat always gives me this “What the hell is wrong with you?” look. heheheh…and Sqrl is right, it works equally well on people.

37

My cousin has two cats. With the male cat, Grunt, she puts some scotch tape on the bottoms of his feet. He goes crazy trying to shake them off. It’s hysterical when you put it to music (I suggest Reggae).

This one wasn’t a trick she played, but an unfortunate (and unintended) incident that had funny consequences. I know nothing about cats, but apparently, their whiskers are extremely inportant in helping them maintain their balance. Grunt was hanging out in the kitchen one day while my cousin was cooking on the stove. Being stubborn, he ignored her warnings to get away from the stove, and he jumped up close to one of the burners. He burned off his whiskers on one side of his face (he’s fine now). Until they grew back, he could barely walk straight. When he’d jump up onto something, he’d either overestimate or underestimate, and he would just fall to the floor.

The only thing I can think of from personal experience is something I did with my dog. She would be outside and not want to come in. So I would go outside, and yell, “Who wants to go OUT!” She would get all excited at the prospect of going “out” and would run into the house. Once inside, she’d get this look on her face like: “What the hell…dammit!” It was really funny.

38

[ul]
[li]When I was a kid we had a dog we taught to roll over. Not being ambidextrous, he could only roll on his right side. So we’d take him out on the hill and make him try to roll uphill.[/li]
[li]After using mouthwash, I’ll pick up the cat and breathe minty fresh breath in her face. She’ll slap her paws over my mouth. One of these days she’ll just shred my lips and that’ll be the end of that.[/li]
[li]While the cat is power-sleeping, I’ll sneak up and start waving a chunk of tuna under her nose. By the time she opens her eyes and starts looking around, sniffing madly, I’m on the other side of the room and the tuna is hidden.[/li][/ul]
I’m so sadistic…

39

Your Mud must be way smarter than my Edie. First thing I tried was a sheet. “Grab the sheet with your claws, and climb out.” Frantic, “Meow!” “No, Edie, it’s okay, if you can’t climb, I can pull you out if you hold on. Grab it with your claws.” Obvious non-comprehension, “Meow!” “Stop scratching the bookcase and grab the @#$%^&*@ sheet!” Scritch-scritch-scritch-scritch…

Then I thought, I could just throw stuff in on top of her and make her climb out on the mountain of stuff, but she probably would have just stayed at the bottom of the pile and then where would I be? Moving bookcases and doing earthquake rescue and recovery practice all at once.

Edie: what that girl lacks in sharp wits, she makes up in sharp claws and affection.

40

This works on most dogs. Touch a couple hairs on the inside of their ears, over and over again. In about 15 seconds they start moving their back legs in a pedaling motion.