I Think I may have a Speech Impediment and it's Destroying My Life

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Stands up

Hi, my name is Red Barchetta. I’m 21 years old, have never had a girlfriend, and lead a rather inactive “social life”. In short, I can’t communicate with others nearly as well as I’d like to, and it’s destroying my life. The irony: I work in a call center where all I do all day is speak with others.

I feel that I sometimes stammer, stutter, and in general, just don’t speak anywhere near the level of fluency of what I’d consider normal. On top of this, at times it feels like I speak, for lack of a better word, “sloppily,” as in I don’t pronounce all of my words clearly (in my perception). I often feel that others have trouble understanding what I’m saying, which makes me even more self-conscious/frusterated about this problem. Because of this, I rarely ever communicate with people I don’t know, which makes it damn difficult to make new friends. And I even sometimes struggle speaking with people I do know, such as my friends or family.

Now for some brief history that may or may not be a factor:
I was tongue-tied up to age 5 or 6. After having my tongue “clipped” (e.g. it can move freely), I had trouble forming sounds that required movement of the tongue (such as the letter “L”, or the “Th” sound). To correct this, I went to speech therapy through the 4th grade.
My speaking problems were solved…or so I thought

Now let’s fast forward to about a year ago:

When I told my parents about the problems I perceived with my speaking, they were surprised that I felt this way, as they stated they hadn’t noticed any problems. I told them I wanted to see a speech therapist regarding this, and though they were totally supportive, they still didn’t think I had a problem. (However, they’ve lived with me for 20 years, so they may not even notice the problem anymore).

Anyways, I went to a local, well respected college and participated in a program they had for therapists-in-training. In essence, I met with a student therapist on a weekly basis for a great price!. To start things off, I took a “fluency test” (where I read off a sheet of paper), which they then analyzed. Apart from speaking slightly faster than the general public (in a bell-curve, I’m just short of being outside the “normal” range), they found that my fluency was fine. We even had therapy sessions outside of the clinic to make sure I didn’t any problems in public situations. In short, they didn’t think I had any major speaking problems, and suggested that the problem may be due to a social anxiety issue (which I’m sure is part of it).

With this new found knowledge, I departed for a very similar program at the same college, except this time for Cognitive Behavior Therapy (too bad I couldn’t get a 2 for 1 deal)! Anyways, she too didn’t think that I had a problem with communication (with her at least), and thus began therapy for treating general social anxiety. A few months down the line, I felt that I had made some progress, but quit mostly because of finances (though I dont think the therapy was really helping me that much anyway).

Now here I am, about a year hence, and I really have no idea what to do, or who can even help me. As I mentioned in the first post, I’m very self-conscious about my speaking, which makes it damn near impossible for me to speak to other people, which really puts a damper on my social life. I’m sure part of the problem is due to social anxiety, which is in turn prompted by my perceived speech problem - it’s a catch 22.

What I can say though is in the rare vent I feel good, such as finding out I gave a great presentation in a public speaking course, I tend to speak amazingly well (in my perception) for a short while. Unfortunally, the event is often short lived, at which point I return to my troubled speaking ways.

At this point I have no idea what to do. Judging by the opinions of others, I simply don’t have a problem. Yet I’m confident that I do. With that said, If I go to another speech therapist, would they be able to help if they can’t find a problem? Or if I go to another cognitive behavioral therapist, would they be able to help with the speech problem?

If anyone can provide any insight or thoughts on the matter, I’d be deeply appreciative.

2

Dude, I hate pulling the “you think you have it bad?!” card, but this IMHO is a case that calls for it.

By the observations and admissions of several people, you do NOT have a speech problem. Maybe a social anxiety problem, but not a speech problem. You just need to work on overcoming your shyness.

I’m deaf, profoundly prelinguistically deaf; in non-PC terms that means I was as deaf as a doorknob before I learned to speak. It took an incredible amount of work and effort to get my speech to the point it is today; even now, only maybe 65% of people will understand me on the first try. About half realize I’m deaf, and the other half (this is the most painful) just kind of give me a “what’s wrong with her, she must be a ‘special’ person” look. And in fact I was misdiagnosed as a “special education” child for a good long while on this basis; it took until 3rd grade till my handwriting developed and the educators finally found that I had more vocabulary than a 18 month old as initially diagnosed–in fact, closer to that of a high-schooler’s than a toddler’s.

Furthermore, my mouth-vocabulary just isn’t as developed as my writing-vocabulary. I have learned a bad habit of keeping my mouth-vocabulary to rarely more than 2 easily-pronounced syllables (clear communication’s more important than appearing smart), furthering others’ perception that I must be mentally limited.

I do not say this to draw pity for me, I’m writing this so you know what it’s like to have a speech problem. After more than 20 years of this, I don’t give a s**t anymore about what conclusions people draw with my speech. I’ve never had a shortage of high-paying job offers. My social life’s lacking, but, hey, speech disability is a great jerk filter. Life’s much better when I choose to not to let my disability limit me than when I choose to pity myself.

3

That and you don’t have to have a speech impediment to make an effort to improve your speech. There are classes in public speaking you could take if you really wish to.

4

Oh yeah, and always trust speech therapists when they tell you that you don’t have a speech problem. In fact, student speech therapists are (IMHO) more likely to be sensitive to speech problems because speech therapists can unintentionally “train” themselves out of sensitivity.

5

See if you can find a Toastmasters club nearby, and participate.

6

Just my two cents -

  1. Take a speech class at a local college.
  2. Find a local chapter of Toastmasters International

You might not think that this would help you socially, but between those two any speech impediment will be pointed out (politely, I’d hope) and they’ll help you either overcome them or convince you that it’s not a major distraction.

Caveat - my local community college tends to attract some very talented profs (and a few total losers) and I had an excellent teacher.

I’m not affiliated with Toastmasters, never been to a meeting, so take this with a grain of salt.

7

I have a slight speech impediment myself. If I speak quickly, I tangle my words, stammer and stutter.

What helps for me is to completely phrase what I’m about to say in my head before I say it. If you were talking to me right now, you might notice a slight pause before I answer a question or make my next statement. That’s because I’m working out the order of my words in my head.

8

I’m from Spain.

One of my first encounters with “foreigners who speak English, but not like English language tapes do” was several Aussies in NYC.

The one who stammered got his Good News of the Decade when the foreigners in our improptu group informed him that he was the only one of the three Australians that we could understand, being the only one who made an effort to enunciate clearly.

Stammers are like bald spots: they’re bad only if you’re ashamed of them.

9

I have some kind of mild stutter, that comes and goes. It’s most noticeable, to me, at least, when pronouncing certain words, e.g., “lexington” a busy road near my house. Sometime I pronounce it with no effort, sometimes I get stuck on “le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le…” and sometimes it comes out “lxton”. No one has ever commented on it, except that I sometimes speak too quickly, but this type of thing is extremely frustrating for me. I’ve never been evaluated but I expect there is no real problem or treatment, other than I need to just slow it down!

And I am aware that things could be much much different (Hi dre2xl!). So, I take deep breaths and soldier on. :wink:

10

I have some kind of mild stutter, that comes and goes. It’s most noticeable, to me, at least, when pronouncing certain words, e.g., “lexington” a busy road near my house. Sometime I pronounce it with no effort, sometimes I get stuck on “le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le…” and sometimes it comes out “lxton”. No one has ever commented on it, except that I sometimes speak too quickly, but this type of thing is extremely frustrating for me. I’ve never been evaluated but I expect there is no real problem or treatment, other than I need to just slow it down!

And I am aware that things could be much much different (Hi dre2xl!). So, I take deep breaths and soldier on. :wink:

11

(It even affects me on the Internet…)

:slight_smile:

12

Another vote for Toastmasters. Most of the people in my Toastmasters group were there because they had difficulty speaking in public. It was a great, structured, low-pressure environment where you could get constructive evaluations of your public speaking. The cost was very low.

13

Red Barchetta, you should read your own post: It is obvious that you have a social anxiety problem, not a speech problem, and should be seeking counselling for that.

Regarding the Toastmasters suggestions: That will only help if you are willing to speak in front of a group regularly (about twice a month), and if you are willing to write and present your own speeches every few months. If your social anxiety is severe enough that you will be unable/unwilling to speak in front of your club, Toastmasters will not help you. Meetings can definitely help people overcome shyness and discomfort, but they’re no substitute for therapy.

14

Just to clarify… your problems aren’t diminished by the fact that someone else has it worse than you do. It’s just the hyperbole of “Destroying My Life” that got to me. Keep on working with that stuttering. The “pause” method advocated earlier in this thread does help :slight_smile:

15

I wonder what affect the rise of email and IM and message boards will have on people with various speech and hearing impediments. On the one hand, you’d think that having a forum in which they can not only participate fully and equally, but can do so with no sign or mark in any way indicating that they are different from everyone else; would be a good thing. On the other hand, it might be TOO good of a thing. Why would you go to a RL social event where you have to enduring people’s pitying looks, or struggle to make yourself understood, or struggle not to stutter, when you can stay at home and type?

16

I also have a bit of a stammer and tend to rush my words and confuse people when I’m nervous or excited.

Oddly enough, I also worked in a call center and while it wasn’t horrible, I did have a lot of anxiety about talking to people on the phone all day. After being with my company for a couple of years, an opening for a training position came up and I jumped at it (at my dads recommendation) before I had time to talk myself out of it.

Acquiring the training position meant giving a presentation in front of a group of 6-7 individuals who would then be discussing my presentation skills when I was no longer in the room.

Oh. My. God.

If It hadn’t been for a position with a company I already worked at, I just wouldn’t have shown up for the presentation. That’s how nervous I was. To make matters worse, I blush uncontrollably when I’m nervous/anxious.

So here’s what I did…

I stood in front of my mirror for HOURS the night before. I did 15 minute presentation several times and focused on key phrases that I knew I would include. I practiced my facial expressions, eye contact, body language, EVERYTHING.

When morning rolled around I was tired and nervous, but at least I felt prepared. And apparently it worked, they made the decision to hire me that day and I’ve been training classrooms full of employees and giving presentations ever since. I still get a little nervous, but I find that the more I speak and force myself to face my fear, the smaller the fear becomes.

17

I stuttered badly as a child, but it went away in Jr High. In my 30s it came back with a vengence. It was really bad when I knew what I was going to say in advance such as ordering food or saying my name. I went to a speech therapist and also joined Toastmasters. The former taught me a few skills (such as a slight “puff” before speaking), the latter let me practice my new skills and gave me confidence. I am now comfortable speaking in front of groups up to several hundred people and I no longer stutter. Hang in there and you can get through it.

If you have slightly high blood pressure you can also ask your doctor for Atenolol. It is blood pressure medication but has a slight anti-anxiety affect and is used by many public speakers before speeches. I use it to prevent migraines and it helps with my anxiety as well.

18

I think social anxiety/Asperger’s/etc. people are more suspectible to that trap than physically disabled people, actually. If you’ve been physically disabled all your life, you get very used to that stuff. In fact a lot of deaf people I know are quite… unshy, including when interacting with the hearing. I’m introverted, but I’m definitely not shy–I consider that a personality trait and not a consequence of my hearing; I’ve got a happy social calendar, and lots of perfectly abled people aren’t into the frat party/bar scene.

19

Well, sure… and we have a word for those people… LOSERS!!! :slight_smile:

20

Well, sure… and we have a word for those people… LOSERS!!!

Isn’t that funny? I tend to view those who ARE into that kind of scene as rather pathetic. Oh well, different strokes for different folks.