I mean it literally! For lunch today I ate a genuine Angus Burger made with textured vegetable protein out of the “twirl and hurl” at work. Three and a half hours later, I got a case of acid reflux, which is bad, as that means I’ve probably got a case of food poisoning. Now, given my body’s clockwork performance when it comes to food poisoning, that means exactly four hours after I’ve eaten whatever was bad, I should be busily talking to the dinosaurs on the big white phone, only I’m not. It’s now been roughly six hours since I had lunch and everything’s stayed down. I’ve had some nausea, but that isn’t what’s got me worried. No, what I’m freaking out about is the fact that the smell of butane is all around me and I can’t find its source, which means that in all likelihood, I’m spewing it out! Can you say SHC? I knew you could.
I’m pouring carbonated beverages down my throat in hopes that they’ll cause my stomach to disgorge its contents or settle down, I’m also going to take a shower and change clothes in case its something that I’ve gotten on me, but if I suddenly stop posting here, it’s because I’ve managed to cremate myself!