I think my ass might be lopsided

Recently, I’ve noticed that everytime I get a wedgie, it’s always the right side of my underwear creeping into the crack. So, what’s up with that? Could my ass be lopsided? Do you think it’s possible that one cheek is actually bigger than the other, and therefore, strains to break free of it’s half of the cotton prison? (No synthetic undies for this dogzilla!)

Anybody else have this problem? Is your ass lopsided?

Help! Just say No to Crack!

I am just stopping by to say “No more pictures of any guy’s hairy ass!!! Stop and think!!! Even if Bert is in the picture!!! Just don’t do it!!!”

Don’t do it.






I’m a girl! With NO hair on her ass, thank you very much. Neither side, the normal sized side, nor the bulbous oversized side.



I was pretty sure mine isn’t lopsided, but I performed a test just to make sure. All you have to do is sit up straight; if your butt is lopsided, one of your cheeks won’t touch the seat. Both of mine are touching, so I know that I’ve got a level butt.

Every part of every body is “lopsided” to some degree.

That’s why you have to try on both shoes to tell if they are thr right size.

That’s why every movie star knows their “good side” for promo photos.

Okay, I think you’ve got more pressing issues than a lopsided ass if people are giving you wedgies all the time.

In that case a picture would be perfectly accteptable. Post away ! :smiley:

Thing the first: there is really only one way for us to know if you ass is, in fact, differently-proportioned- you simply have to shoot some photos, some candid photography, if you will, and email them to me. I’ll let you know.

Thing the other: you wouldn’t have this problem if you wore thongs. Not g-strings, just a nice, simple thong. My $0.02, but I could help you try some on and share an opinion or two if you’d like.

bwah hah ha.

Perhaps you should take up bicycling? Get them evened out?

Have you considered thongs, or going commando?

Maybe your underwear is just giving out?

You don’t get wedgies just sitting there; have you considered that one side of your underwear is creeping up because you do more things to stretch in that direction? Like my shirt always comes untucked on the right side more because at work I have to reach over with my right hand a lot. Are you right-handed? Does this happen when you’re exercising or maybe stretching for something just a bit more with one side?

Also, take a look through some different styles of underwear. I personally absolutely adore those “girl boxers” that have the boy-leg cut, because they cover my whole behind and don’t ever creep up. Also, for some odd reason, men’s briefs don’t do that to me either. And Hanes makes some pretty purple paisley ones…I swear, they’re making them for the women that buy them.


Oh. Oops. :slight_smile:

Well, consider that a pre-emptive strike, then. If you saw the Bert/naked guy picture, you know what I mean. :o

Dogzilla is a female? What the hell do I know? Dogzilla from the cartoon, The Buckets(?) is a male, IIRC.

Not really. I find this happens just walking across the room.

Perhaps I’m right-assed!

I’ll check that out! I’m not a big fan of going commando, since I don’t wear pantyhose at work, that gets a bit breezy!

I was starting to worry about some bizarre gravity anomaly where the right side of my ass was impervious to gravity, thus causing the undies to rise up my ass… Or maybe an electromagnetic field is being generated from my left cheek, like in the Bermuda Triangle, causing the right side of my undies to get lost and stray from their designated position.

Post pictures… feh. I live alone. How, exactly, am I supposed to take a picture of my own ass? Ever tried it? It can’t be easy…

Side note: There’s a cartoon with a Dogzilla character? This I gotta see! Never heard of it. FYI: The screen name is after my dog, the Real Dogzilla, who can destroy an entire house in minutes. She is also female, btw. She thinks she’s God, but has dyslexia!

Oh yeah! Thanks to all posters with helpful suggestions in solving this mystery…

Forgot to mention: I don’t like thongs either. I’m afraid I’ll be walking down the street and accidentally saw myself in half!


This can be solved, but it’s going to take patience. Here’s what you do: sit on your couch as often as possible, and always in the same place, in the same position, both feet planted firmly on the floor. Do this for about 20-30 years. Then compare the depression which your butt has made in the cushions. If one side is deeper than the other, then, yes, your ass is lopsided.

If you don’t have the patience to use the aforementioned method, there is a second method which may work for you: mail yourself to thinksnow. He is an expert on the female bottom. ts can perform a personalized evaluation and give you the results, including graphs, charts, and other data. Then you can be sure. (I’ve seen him in practice with the ladies and he is the quintessential professional in these sorts of affairs. You can trust your ass to him.)

I think it is perfectly possible that one cheek just might be a bit fluffier. My left boob is a good 1/4 cup size bigger than my right boob. I don’t wear undies (except for special occasions, of course) so I don’t know if this pattern is also present in my ass. I know buying a bra is a pain in the ass for me–maybe you should look into some kind of special weak cheek-compensation contraption? Or just buy granny panties. Those things aren’t going ANYWHERE!


This is most assuredly one of the most interesting threads I’ve ever read.

No pun intended.

Help !!!

Being an Aussie, I know that “thong” means something different to us, but I always translated it to mean a g-string. Your post seems to differentiate between g-strings and thongs ??? Can someone explain the diff to me ?

thanks :smiley:

Ya know…

::looks thoughtful::

It could be faulty Target underwear. Maybe one leg is just a shade bigger than the other.

My ass might be normal, right?

::looks hopeful::


A g-string is one of those things with the little triangle in the front, and just a string up the back and around the waist, a.k.a. “butt floss.” They also might tie on the sides instead of being one pull-on piece. A thong, on the other hand, is a bit wider and actually has elastic in it like normal underwear and an inverted-triangle shape of material above your ass (sometimes g-strings have that second triangle, too, but it’s still literally a string that goes up your butt). It’s my understanding that the words are used fairly interchangeably (sp?) in everyday conversations, but if you are actually shopping for lingerie or swimwear, that is what makes the distinction in their labeling. Thongs are quite common in department stores and are more of an everyday-wear item (popular because you don’t have a panty-line if you’re wearing tight pants/dress), whereas g-strings are more common as “exotic dancer” fare, very racy swimwear, and intimate apparel.

Of course, there’s also hi-cut, low-cut, French-cut, bikini cut, full-cut (the infamous “granny panties”) and all other kinds of confusing names for the styles of women’s underwear. Thongs are an acquired taste for the wearer (it takes some getting used to the permanent wedgie IMO), but at least they do offer some coverage and protection, just not over your but. I don’t see how a g-string could be anything except decorative, and wearing one (unless you expected someone to undress you and find it) seems to be pointless and not much better than wearing nothing at all.

I haven’t seen these boy-cut boxer things, but I’d like to find some now because they sound cute.

Now I just want to know where I learned so much about underwear… :smiley:

Thanks for all that info, Jinwicked.[sub] where did all that info come from… are you an undie stalker ?[/sub] :slight_smile:

Well, my mother was horrified when she came to visit and found me hanging my thongs on the line. She asked why I wore them, so I told her “Other undies always end up in my butt crack, so I’d rather wear something designed to go there, there’s a lot less material bunching up. Oh, and I’m too young for your industrial strength ungers !”

That stopped her criticism dead in the water, but if you can’t handle TMI, don’t ask… (that was aimed at my Mum, not fellow Dopers- you guys didn’t ask, but still had to put up with it!- sorry)

FYI “industrial strength ungers” refers to those huge undies that only old people wear… they go from your armpits to your knees (well, they don’t actually, they just look as if they would, when you see them on a clothesline) [/hijack] :smiley: