I think my Dad is dying.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hi all,

Yeah, yeah. Denis, that guy given to some ridiculous displays of emotion, when he decides to post. Ho hum. Lots of shit going on in my life that is of the “holy fucking shit!” variety for the last 10 or so years. Either you understand or you don’t. Pit me if you feel the urge.

My dearly beloved father, aged 80, is having another health crisis. Since I am the only one of the progeny who has the wherewithal to be here, here I am.

I’m divorced as of less than a year ago, have two children I love more than I can put into words (and an ex-wife who has more than she is willing to acknowledge, but that’s a whole 'nother thread), so I’ve been rather rootless. Moved in with my folks to help with their care. They’re not getting any younger, you know. Plus assorted broken hips, etc in the past, and the fact that I happen to be a C(ertified)N(ursing)A(ssistant) in Washington State (where I live), makes it pretty cool for live-in, no-pay care. Yes, I am also looking for “real work.”

On the other hand, FUCK! MY * DAD* is not supposed to grow old!
This is the man who has been like a rock of stability and rationality to me for my whole life! No matter what he gave me , it was rational and had a damn firm touch with the real world, whether or not I ignored it. I owe him and my Mom so much in the way of honor that I can’t even begin to count the cost. They’re my parents, and they’re good people. 'Nuff said.

Anyhow. Dad has had his fair share of fainting, falling down, bad shit happening to elderly folks for no other reason than they’re simply old and showing it. What, if anything, have other Dopers done to deal with this?

Disclaimer: I absolutely refuse to put my father in a “facility” unless the medical diagnosis absolutely recommends it. I used to work as a CNA in “facilties” and I have to tell ya: Even with the best of family support, they suck compared to home care. I am prepared to do this for my folks (Dad in particular) for as long as it takes.

2

I don’t know how to answer your question because I haven’t been through this yet. Just wanted to come in and let you know I’m sending good thoughts your way. It takes a lot of strength to do what you’re doing; I admire that.

GT

3

Denis my father had alzheimer’s for ten years before he died in 2004 from all the problems associated with the disease and growing old, so I do understand where you’re coming from. Dad lived at home until the last month of his life which was spent in a hospital because of the level of medical attention needed. Mom and my sister were the primary caregivers. I was lucky in that my sister lives next door to mom (sis and bil actually built a house on part of mom’s and dad’s property) because I live two and a half hours away. I’d go up a lot of weekends and such just to be with dad and to give mom and sis a break. It was tough watching this happen to him. You have my support, prayers and empathy.

Do come in here and talk, rant, whatever you need. It’ll help and you’ll have at least a lot of virtual support from dopers.

4

There are plenty of people around here who will hold your hand every step of the way. It’s hard to watch your pillar of strength start to slow down. I found that reminiscing with your loved one toward the end seems to tighten the bond. Let him know what a good dad he was.

I’m going through the end stages with my SIL who was also a very close friend. She’s been taken off the respirator and seems more lucid right now. We laughed about the good ol’ days yesterday. She knows her time is being measured in hours or days now, but she seems to be at peace with it. This has been harder for me than I imagined, but we’re getting through it.

Wishing you peace.

5

Get your dad to a doctor. I understand not wanting to put him in a facility, but hospice is a godsend. When Ivylad’s father was dying he was able to stay at home, in his own bed, with nurses and help for my MIL.

6

We’ll all be here for you. It’s a promise.

Even the goats. (I’m sorry, that was terrible. :))

I mean it. Do what you feel is the best for your dad’s health and happiness, and come by and talk to us any time you need to.

My own email inbox is never full, if it helps.

7

Thanks for the support, folks.

Mom and I have several doctor appointments scheduled for him.

That and loving him is about all we can do.

8

Your Dad sounds a lot like mine, who is in his mid-70’s. My heart goes out to you in this painful time. Hugs to you and those who love your Dad as much as you do.

9

I hate to sound so negative, but I believe that anyone whose parents are age 60 or older should be prepared for sudden illness and death. I’m not saying you have to like it, and getting all the support you can is definitely the way to go. But as a nurse, I have seen it all. Healthy one day, then gone, both young and old. I feel badly for those who have to deal with their parents’ lingering and intense illnesses. My parents both went quickly, one suicide and one with cancer who lived only 10 days after the diagnosis. If you are chief caregiver, be sure to save some kindness for yourself. Stay healthy. Get enough sleep. Talk it out with others. Be kind to your parents and look at pictures together, or bring up old memories of your childhood. It’s never easy. Hugs to all of you out there who are in this type of situation.

10

Well, Mom and I spent the day in the hospital.

Dad is not getting any better, though that could change.

We are giving serious consideration to in-home hospice.

Thanks again for all the support, Dopers.

11

I simply cannot say enough for Hospice. Thanks to them both my uncle and my mother in law were able to pass at home, without pain. Even a CNA has to have a break now and then, you know - so be kind to yourself and arrange for help before it becomes a crisis.

You are in my thoughts.

12

I work in a hospital and as an RT (respiratory therapist) , and I am often called upon to provide oxygen so that the patient doesn’t have to work so hard to breathe and take some stress off the heart.

Some of my patients are in Hospice , and it never fails to amaze me how the patient’s loved ones come together and make the transition easier.

I have a very high regard for those people, and Denis, I salute you for caring enough to want to provide in-home hospice.

Although I do not know you, I just spent a minute wishing you the best and thanking God for people such as you.

Thanks

Q

13

Well, the doc just called to say they believe he has an infection in his liver, which needs to be treated in a larger medical center. We’re in Goldendale, WA, and the little county hospital just can’t manage this.

Anyhow, as I type, the doc is ordering ambulance transport to Emmanuel Hospital in Portland.

So, the acute condition could be taken care of. Last just leaves the list of chronic problems.

We’ll do whatever he needs to be comfortable.

14

“Last just leaves…”

That just leaves.

I’m a very tired boy.

15

{{{{{Denis}}}}}

Hang in there. It’s brutal, but you’re not alone while others are wishing the best for you, and we are.

I said a little prayer for you and your dad, hope that’s okay. May your dad find love, peace, and mercy this and all nights. You and your mom, too~

Mrs. Furthur

16

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, it’s been rather hectic.

My younger brother and I have been rounding up all the other sibs. Everyone will be in Portland this weekend for Dad and Mom.

Healthwise, things are looking pretty bleak for Dad. Mom and I want to get him home as soon as he has some stability and set up a home hospice situation.

Thanks again for the support folks, it means a lot to us. :slight_smile:

17

Keep your chin up. The others will need you.