Hardly mundane but I don’t know where else to put this.
My mom called and he is in the hospital. Nothing specific, he is just weak. He’s been declining for several years. He is 77, and has a pacemaker. I didn’t know this until today but it’s doing 90% of his heart’s work. He had for years been losing strength in his legs and at first used a cane. A couple of years ago he fell and broke his hip and had a hip replacement and now has a walker and wheelchair.
A couple of days ago he could not get out of bed, and that is why he is now in the hospital. Mom said they looked at the possibility of a urinary tract infection, not sure why, I guess it can cause weakness. That’s not it, and now they are trying to figure out why he has weakness. Could it be that there is nothing specific other than just being old?
Anyway, the “good” news could be that he just has to move into a nursing home. Maybe I am overreacting. But I just found out the cost. Staggering. I hope they have, and knowing my Mom I’m sure they do, insurance. Maybe Medicare helps?
You may find that hospice, not a nursing home, is the way to go. As I understand it (and I could be wrong, in which case I’m sure someone will correct me!), Medicare will pay for a short stint of nursing home care as “rehab”, but there has to be progress made toward a goal of returning the patient home. Medicaid requires that a patient be pretty indigent, which means your parents will have to pay out of pocket until their assets are depleted. Then you’re stuck with mostly lower-tier nursing homes that care for the patient for the government dollar. Your parents may have some private insurance for nursing home care.
I am sorry to hear about your father. But I have to clear up one misconception.
Pacemakers don’t do any of the work of the heart. They trigger the heart to beat, but the heart does all the work. My pacemaker triggers 100% of my beats. I don’t know what the natural pulse rate is, but it was down in the low 30s in 2007 and they found a 7 second delay between beats during the night on one occasion.
OK. I know the heart is doing the work, it’s pumping blood. So Mom must have meant that the pacemaker is triggering 90% of his heart’s beats. Not sure how that works, it triggers 90% but the heart does the other 10%? So 90% is better than 100%, I would think.
And you know what, I heard the news and jumped to the worst conclusion. He is not necessarily dying. I had that thought a couple of years ago when I went home for Christmas and saw how much he had changed since the last time I saw him.
A visiting nurse would be a lot cheaper than a nursing home. And the accoutrements such as a hospital bed, Hoyer lift, potty chair may be available through insurance. Ask about “durable equipment” coverage.
Mom will need some help, too. It’s a big burden to care for another person.
If they own their home, perhaps this is the time to sell, and then both of them could consider assisted living?
Talk to some people, make some phone calls. Write down your questions, and leave room for the answers you get. Make SURE you get the name of the person you talk to!
This is one of the rough spots in life. Like Beckdawrek, I wish you peace.
~VOW
Sorry you are going through this now. Are you an only child? I know from personal experience that there are both advantages and disadvantages to not having siblings at a time like this. Wishing you strength.
OP, I urge you to contact an eldercare attorney. Medicare coverage for nursing home care is very limited, and most people rely on Medicaid. Your mother will be able to keep their home and their car; almost every other asset is divided, but it’s complicated. It also takes time, so I’d get on that pronto.
UTI’s don’t present in the elderly as they do in younger people. An elderly patient may have no discomfort or frequency of urination but might be unsteady, fall more often, and experience fatigue. My mother had an undiagnosed UTI that turned septic and killed her. It’s good they checked your dad for this.
Do you or your mother have medical power of attorney and regular power of attorney for your father? If not, that’s something else to get going.
I’m guessing that what’s happening is that the ad at the bottom of the screen has an invisible border that slightly overlaps the “Submit Reply” button a little, and if you click there, you get sent to the ad website instead of submitting your post.
Shitty and lame, but I guess it’s better than having to pay.
My mom is 91 and has been in full time nursing for a couple of years. She has advanced Parkinson’s and some mild dementia. The dementia diagnosis is a little bit of a thorn in my side, as I’ve never seen evidence of it. Of course, when I tell the nursing staff this they write it off as denial.
But that diagnosis got her moved to a unit where she gets more care for her physical issues. In her old unit, they kept trying to make her feed herself with special spoons and plates. She couldn’t do it and kept dropping food all over herself which was really humiliating for her and she wasn’t eating enough. I had been pushing hard to get her moved and I need to pick my battles.
You really need to find a good elder care attorney in your state. It needs to be an attorney with that specialty. They will help you with the estate planning and asset spend down required for Medicaid and they will do the application for you.
It’s an expensive service -the range is generally given as 8K-12K - but that is money that he wouldn’t be allowed to keep anyway ( this is vastly over simplified but generally you pay the home out of pocket until his money is gone, then Medicaid picks it up. If he gets SS, most if that is turned over to the facility. My mom gets to keep $30 a month which lets her get her hair styled every now and then.)It really helps if you can find a decent place that accepts Medicaid even if he is self-pay at first.
We have had threads on this subject before, you may be able to find them. I would suggest getting legal advice right away, and you absolutely should not liquidate any assets to pay for nursing care without consulting a lawyer first. Feel free to PM me if you have questions, I’ve been through this.
The news is good. When Mom called and said he was weak, I thought it was a general weakness. But the weakness was only in his legs. Mabye because he has not been doing enough of the exercises he is supposed to do. He has not had a stroke, his heart is fine, considering. He is mentally my same old Dad. Right now he is in a physical rehabilition facility. Mom can’t visit him but talks on the phone. Maybe coming home in a few days.
I overreacted, partially because I have become more aware over the past few years that he is going to die someday.
When that day comes, thanks for all the advice. But as I suspected, Mom has it covered. They have long-term disability coverage, etc. I asked her to look into it and see if they could get better coverage. No power of attorney is required, Dad knows that someday a nursing home may happen. He is OK with that.