In some ways, that cold, bloodless final hearing was an even bigger kick in the gut to me than when my wife first told me she was leaving.
But it does get better.
Well, the nightmare gets worse. She made her appearance in a “loaded” state, unable to answer questions, even barely able to walk and talk. The judge, rightfully, refused to hear the case and rightfully tossed her and her case out of court. Therefore, I remain married to her while her attorney is seriously entertaining the idea of just flat withdrawing; he will have to have the judges approval to do to. I have until Sunday night to prepare a list of conditions that must be approved by the judge before I will move in with her. “When pigs fly” might just be the first one. I am so angry that I could just spit. In the meanwhile, thanks for the kind words and the good hopes for the future; I might well need them yet.
Oh, for the love of Pete.
Sorry for this additional turmoil, LouisB. In comparison, the 15 minutes my ex-wife and I had to wander around the courthouse looking for a notary seems like an absolute party.
Damn. Just when you think it’s over…
Hope things go smoothly from here on out. In the meantime, here’s some techno to lose yourself in the rhythm to.
Wait, what? She’s loaded, and can’t plead her case, or provide testimony. So the judge throws the case out, now you’re required to prepare a list of conditions? What kind of conditions, and who/what is supposed to meet these conditions? And you’re supposed to move back in with her? They can’t compel this, can they? Why is her inebriation or irresponsibility forcing you into this situation?
I’m sorry for the barrage of questions. I guess there’s a lot I don’t understand about divorce. My parents separated but never divorced, and I haven’t ever been divorced. The few I’ve seen from the outside have been very odd things indeed. My brother was ordered to maintain two dwellings and for both him and his ex to move in and out of the house every week, essentially forcing them to live out of suitcases for six months. How that’s better for the kids I can’t imagine. A cousin was denied a divorce request until after a “cooling off” period. I wonder if something similar is at work here. Does Florida have restrictions on who can divorce, or under what circumstances? Forcing someone to remain married makes no sense to me.
Ah, LouisB I’m so sorry. That sucks even more!
Ugh 
I know you never wanted the divorce in the first place, and have (rightfully) a lot of anger over the way everything has unfolded, but I had hoped that since it was inevitable, at least this final proceeding would be done as “painlessly” as possible.
With the case thrown out, that just means that this particular hearing was terminated, not that the divorce filing is off the table, right? I would have assumed that she simply needed to re-petition for a new hearing, and manage to show up sober for that one.
What’s with moving back in?
Sounds like her lawyer is regretting ever taking the case.
The idea is the kids remain “at home” with the parents sharing/trading custody, instead of the kids moving back and forth every week. Sounds good in theory. If only in theory.
Well. To say “that sucks” really doesn’t seem to cover it. I don’t understand what is happening, either - if I recall correctly, she was the one who wanted the divorce, and filed for it, but it sounds like she’s jerking you around now. Why was “moving back in” put on the table? Do you have to file for divorce from your side now? I’m so confused.
I understand your pain. my wife divorced me after 4 years in 2004. Took over a year and gor finalized in 2006. I tried to work it out with her but the anger, anxiety, bitterness, Zoloft, Paxcil, Xanax and what-not got in the way.
At least she never showed up to court loaded.
I’m wondering why the judge tossed the case and the woman out of court. Why wasn’t an adjournment until such time as she could appear in court in a sober state (perhaps backed up by an order stating that she had to show up unimpaired) granted?
I’m another who is confused by “conditions” and “moving back in.”
Note, Louis, with what you’re going through, I don’t expect you to have answers right now. I guess I’m just wondering. Hang in there; things have to get better.
Florida has a “no fault” divorce law; all you have to do is file for divorce and it is as good as done, or so they say. What happens, USUALLY, is that the person(s) involved work out who wants what and then they write up lists; the attorneys compare lists and work out the kinks by consultation with the clients. In my case, this required several consultations as Marcie insisted on changing the lists; retracting requirements and/are adding new ones, and so forth. At any rate, a compromise is reached and the divorce moves to the next level, which is the hearing that was to have occurred 12/02/1909.
My case is further complicated by Marcie’s mercenary little soul. My personal injury lawsuit is down to the wire. I made what I am told is a very generous offer to Marcie as her share; she wants more and has convinced herself that she deserves more and I am determined that I will not offer more; she now wants 50% IN SPITE of having agreed to accept my generous offer. If she hadn’t agreed, the hearing would not have been set until she and I reached an agreement. According to BOTH of us, an agreement HAD been reached and Wednesday the 2nd should have been the day.
For the folks who asked, Marcie and I cannot be forced to reconcile and I cannot be forced to move back into the house I shared with Marcie, BUT------my sister would like to have her life and her house back; my sister has lived alone for twenty something years and she neither needs nor wants me screwing up her life any further----she has SAID I am welcome here for as long as it takes, and I know she meant it when she said it, BUT I suspect her teeth were clenched while she said it. She is 77 years old and she has a wide circle of friends, most of whom are retired service people and rabid republicans. Her friends are wary of me and they are repugnant to me: with a couple of exceptions, I and her friends just do not mix unless we avoid politics and/or religion as subjects of conversations. Or unless she simply excludes me from her social life, which is more than okay with me but not with her: she thinks I NEED a social life with HER friends.
Anyway, Marcie’s attorney is furious at her and is considering requesting permission to drop her like a hot rock and my attorney is strongly hinting that his time and efforts have begun to exceed what was covered by my retainer to him.
And while it is true that I didn’t want a divorce from Marcie, it is also true that her cheating little heart has changed my mind; I now want a divorce as strongly as I didn’t want one in the recent past; she has simply exhausted my patience. AND. I do not want to have to watch her drink herself into a nursing home and, failing death, I believe a nursing home is her next phase of life.
I do NOT understand why the judge did not order a blood alcohol test on the spot and I do NOT understand why the judge did not notify the Sheriff’s office to bust her as soon as she left the parking lot. For that matter, I don’t understand most of what I am seeing from Marcie. Even a never ending love can be worn out.
I forgot to add that when my attorney raises his fee, which he will do, the amount of that raise will be removed from the money I previously promised her.
And, of course, I love and appreciate each and every one of you who have responded during the course of this (interminable) divorce proceeding.
A hundred years! My GOD, man !
(I hope it is okay to joke like that.)
All we can do, I guess, is wish you a speedy, painless race to the finish line here. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be, having your life in limbo and at the mercy of Marcie’s capriciousness.
A joke from you is always welcome. I don’t know how I turned things into a 100 year span although it does sometimes seem like a century has passed since all this started. Thanks for making things a little lighter.
It’s like you can’t catch a break. I’m sorry that you are left waiting for closure.
I am sorry this has turned into such a battle
Has Marcie (and/or her lawyer) thought of the fact that you could claim part ownership of the townhouse even though it’s in her name - by virtue of the fact that you helped pay the mortgage all these years? I would think this could be suggested and hopefully get her to back down on the demand for additional funds from the lawsuit.
I wish I had a magic wand to make it all disappear for you.
And I wish I had made the “Man, all this crap and now the Y2K bug is fucking with you” joke I was going to before I decided it was probably inappropriate. I’d have beaten you to it by about 3 minutes.