Back in August sometime I opened a thread detailing how Marcie blindsided me by telling me she was filing for a divorce. This is a link to that now closed thread, if anyone has any interest in it. http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=529384 I have forgotten exactly how to insert a link into a sentence, so you’re on your own, if you want to read it.
I spent a couple of hours this past Tuesday with Marcie and her attorney, going over a list of stuff that I want out of her/our townhouse. I basically am going to get nearly everything I asked for but it took some struggling to get it. My attorney, who is only giving me advice and hasn’t taken any steps to counteract her divorce papers because, as she said, she is going to get the divorce and for me to fight about it would be counter productive and expensive. My attorney is well acquainted with my financial status, which is bleak, and has been advising me FOC, said that IF Marcie kicked up a fuss, then we would file some sort of suit and kick up a fuss of our own.
During the meeting, it almost seemed as if her attorney was solidly on my side even though he made it very clear that Marcie is his client and I am not. Some of her demands were outrageous and that would have been clear to anyone who is not in therapy; it took some convincing to make her see things that way and I still don’t believe she is convinced.
When the meeting was finished, as I was leaving the office, she took me by the hand and said she still loved me but was deathly afraid of me. I still don’t know why.
All the stuff I am getting is to be delivered to my sister’s house tomorrow and I guess that will be that.
I thought that life would get easier as I got older; it just don’t work that way for me.
You have my best wishes. Unfortunately, life is not a straight line. Fortunately, life is not a straight line. You take the good with the bad. Sometimes, once you have experienced a setback like this, the good times (and there will be good times) seem a little sweeter.
Living well is the best revenge. Just remember, at least you aren’t the insane one.
Oh, Louis. I’m glad that you will be getting the things you needed from the house, but I’m so sorry that Marcie has jumped off the deep end like this. May every day get a little brighter for you. Kudos for your sister for helping you out, also.
I am so sorry Louis. I always admired your love for your wife and I’m baffled. My immediate thought was, poor dear, she has a brain tumor affecting her and no one knows. I’m just in denial.
Marcie was severely physically and emotionally abused as a child by her (apparently) deranged mother; she has never gotten over it and for the last couple of years has seemed to sort of regress. I’ve mentioned that she has been professionally diagnosed as suffering from ADD, PTSD, and some other mental ailment whose name I can’t remember. She has become very quick to play those cards when things don’t go exactly the way she wants. In fact, she was able to parlay those things into a disability retirement from the Federal Government and was granted SSI payments even though she is only 59—and on her first application, which I understand is rare. She has become almost hypersensitive to anger, or even mild irritation, both of which I am admittedly too quick to show. But I believe that by now, she should have learned to put the past behind her although that is probably only what I want to believe. She has said she is afraid to be alone with me and that is why she is divorcing me. I honestly believe her therapist has fed her fear of me—she never showed the slightest fear of me, or of anything else, until this past year----either for his own amusement or to keep a profitable patient coming back once a week. He and I disliked each other on sight but I am prepared to admit that my dislike of him has a large jealousy component. He is much younger than I and, I hesitate to say this, very handsome. Plus, he probably knows things about Marcie that I don’t. Marcie has been in therapy before and told me that she developed quite a crush on her therapist----I suspect that maybe history is repeating itself. At any rate, her decision to divorce me seems to be final although my impression last Tuesday was that she was developing doubts. Oh well; easy come, easy go, even if I don’t in the least believe that statement. I know I’ll get over it but I wonder if it is worth the effort at my age.
I may be thinking of some other poster, but didnt you say that Marcie is a heavy drinker, while you are sober?
If that is the case, the end result (divorce) is not really too shocking, though it does sound like your wife is not the most honest, forthcoming person in the world…
Well, I can’t say how she has been lately but for quite a while before I moved out, she was putting down a minimum of two and often three quarts of beer per evening. Usually she would start about five o’clock and finish by 5:30. Her objective seemed to be to get as drunk as she could as quickly as she could and she was doing it almost compulsively. I’ve seen her twice now since I moved out and she looked very good both times—she has lost weight and maybe she has cut back on the beer. I certainly hope so. And yes, I went through detox and rehab some years back; I can understand her problem but I can’t sympathize with it. She acknowledged having a drinking problem but her attitude seemed to be “So what?” If my moving out has given her enough peace to stop drinking, I wish I had known to do it long before now. I’m selfish enough to want her in my life but I’m not so selfish as to deny her a fair chance at recovery. Should she ask for my help, she will get it. But I don’t think she will ask.
I’m so sorry, LouisB. I wish I understood why this kind of crap happens to the people who least deserve it. If I ever do get a clue, I promise to publish it on a website for free. In the meantime, my thoughts are with you. I wish you love, purpose, and happiness.
I doubt I am a better man than you but I am probably older. I really believe that there are few things in life that really matter and of the things that do matter, most don’t matter very much. Marcie’s health and happiness matter, to me, very much; I want her to have both in abundance and if she cant have them with me then she really should have the chance to make it without me. But, I will have to sacrifice a lot to give her that chance-----I’ve thought for quite a while that I couldn’t live with out her but I know now that I can. The trick is going to be to live without her and to live without a lot of pain and sorrow. I hope I can learn to do that without drinking and drugging.
You can - both live without pain and sorrow and without drinking and drugging. The advantage of being “of mature age” is that if you look back over life, you realize that - it take time, its a pain in the ass, and it scars - but the heart does heal.