My Darling Marcie has informed me that she will immediately be filing for a divorce, charging irreconcilable differences. I was (and am) as stunned by this as I would be by an arbitrary death sentence. She has been seeing a therapist on a weekly basis for the past couple of months; I don’t know what role he has played but I don’t like to think about it, either. There is a little personal animosity between he and I as I have let him know that I think he is peddling snake oil; I think the same of most therapists.
Two weeks ago, we were discussing moving to Las Cruces; now we we are discussing divorce.
Are you me?
Seriously, last week, out of nowhere, I got home to find out my wife belongings were 90% moved in to her mothers house. She told me she was separating and said that we’ve drifted apart over the past few years. We have, but I think it’s more of a rut/routine then a lifestyle. I’m hoping we can work it out, we’re still 100% friendly and see each other all day at work.
I asked her to go to marriage counseling but she refuses saying that we’ve already tried that.
A couple of months ago, she started seeing a new therapist. She told me that the therapist wanted me to sit in for a few sessions. He thinks that she will do better, if I understand what’s going on with her WRT her depression/meds/etc. Okay, fair enough. After we left, I looked at her and said “That was marriage counseling wasn’t it”. She said it was, but she thought if she told me what it was, I wouldn’t go. That was a few months ago, she still doesn’t understand why ambushing me in a doctors office didn’t work. But after a separation, even this week and a half, I’ve had SOOOOO much time alone with my thoughts I think it might actually be conducive. Here’s hoping she’s willing to try again.
Don’t mean to hijack the thread, it’s just the first time I’ve said that all ‘outloud’
You know … maybe we need to take the Defense Of Marriage people to task. Someone needs to start explaining WHY it’s such a great institution when, more often than not, it ends in grief.
Sorry LouisB (and Joey P, and the rest of us who’ve had to go through this). Really the best advise is all going to boil down to **Soul Brother’s **post.
She said she was convinced that if she had told me what it was, I wouldn’t have gone. I can’t totally blame her for that as I tend to be resistant to such things. I would have gone, but it would have taken some pestering. She said she was devestated when the doc asked things about “how can you better show your love” etc and I looked like a deer in headlights. I tried to explain that I felt under attack, we were there to talk about YOUR meds and YOUR problems and suddenly I get asked questions like that and have two people staring at me. She responded “Well, what do you need to prepare for it?” “YES!!!”
Anyways, I’m hoping to convince her to go again, I think it would be very productive to our relationship but at the moment it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen. Since this started I haven’t had a chance to talk to her mom, I’m hoping I can do that this weekend when I think she’s going out of town with a friend.
Anyways, don’t want to go too into detail, just wanted to defend her on that point a little. Like I said, she would have had to really pester me to go and I probably still wouldn’t have wanted to be there. I knew we were kind of in a rut, just didn’t realize how serious it was.
Don’t give up. See if you can convince your Darling Marcie to try another therapist. Any other therapist. Also see if she’ll agree to couples counciling with a third, different therapist. If the problem is the original therapist this has a good chance of at least restarting the discussion. If not, at least you’ll know you tried. Every post of yours sounds as if you worship her; make sure she knows this.
She (Unless I slip up, I won’t call her my Darling Marcie anymore) has offered this: The divorce will take place, but if I want to, we can live together as roommates, splitting all costs 50-50. And if the flame rekindles, we might remarry. But should she die, in spite of our marriage status, the house and her savings go to her sister. I’ll go for this deal when pigs sprout wings.
She is divorcing me, so she says, so that she will no longer have to carry me on her medical insurance; it will give her an extra hundred and fifty bucks to do whatever with.
I didn’t know she could be that venal. And she sticks to that story; that’s the reason pure and simple. I rather suspect that a judge might just smack that down but one never knows. We’ve been together fourteen years and I never saw this side of her. Better late than never, I suppose.
