I want to add that it shouldn’t be seen as having “The Talk” and then act like it’s over with. Just as you don’t tell your 2 year old that vegetables are good for them and then never discuss the subject again, you should be having ongoing conversations about bodies, identity, consent, sex, health, etc. throughout your lifetime with your kid.
I spoke openly with my mother about contraception as an adult. We discussed pregnancy, labour, delivery and all the weird fucked up shit that your body is stuck with post pregnancy. Recently,we had discussions around sexuality, menopause, and aging.
I feel it’s important with my son to build a relationship where we can talk about anything, as my parents did for me (my mother more than my father, but he’s the one who was home when my first period hit, and he knew what to say and do!)
The ‘talk’ I wish I’d had much earlier is not about the biological process of reproduction… that’s available in a lot of places, one can hardly avoid it.
But as a young hetero male, I never had much education about human female sexual physiology.
I knew I was attracted to women… but when I got into bed with one, I didn’t really know what to do… oh you stick this in there… and…
[pause for song]
Puff the magic dragon. lived on the shelf
He had no-one to play with, so he played with himself
Met a lady dragon, a pretty piece of stuff
But he didn’t know what to her: that’s why they call him Puff.
[end song]
Or the joke: what’s the difference between a clitorus and a golf ball?
Ans: a man will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.
My thought is to feed information to your son as he can take it. It might take multiple days.
But 10 isn’t too young, and if he is interested in what he seems to be interested in, it is not too early for him.
As for other parents, remind him of discovering Santa isn’t real and how it would be wrong to tell other kids about it before they are ready. Same for sex.
And if it’s something that’s discussed all along (in age relevant fashion) it’s much less of a Big Deal.
I sure as hell hope so. I started menstruating at 11 – in 1962, when the elementary school was in no way prepared for it. Luckily for me, at least my parents had prepared me for it.
Menstruation is on average earlier than it used to be. I suspect male puberty is also.
Also very much this.
But no reason not to touch on it. ‘Nobody’s supposed to touch these parts of you but we’re not going to tell you why’ is a confusing message, anyway.
In the UK, kids get sex ed at school (unless the parents object), so our kids were pretty au fait with the mechanics well before puberty.
We had a policy of answering questions, however embarrassing, truthfully and as in much detail as we considered appropriate. When my teenagers acquired boy/girlfriends, I bought them condoms.
The “babies grow in Mommy’s abdomen” talk is about 9 years overdue.
The “Daddies insert their penis, stuff comes out, that’s how it gets started” talk is about 5 years overdue.
The “adults have a hunger for it, and it feels good, and they do it for those reasons and not merely when they wish to make a baby happen” talk is more or less due now.
The “emotional involvement is intense and sexual relationships are complicated and it takes some practice to be a good partner and here are some issues me and your mom/dad had to work out” talk isn’t due yet but I wouldn’t wait much beyond 13.
I don’t think kids need to know how their parents worked out sexual issues. (if that’s what you’re saying)
Funny story, we had sex ed in 6th grade. I was nervous about the parent-teacher conference and figured the teacher was going to tell my parents that I was learning about sex. (Yes, I was an idiot. My father, a pediatrician, and was on the school board). Anyway, I was relieved when my teacher described the course as “human reproduction.” I figured my parents probably didn’t know what that meant.
That book is AWFUL!!! It has all kinds of weird stuff in it, and in particular it treats homosexuality like some horrible perversion. I should know, because I read it cover to cover when my dad bought it back in the 1970s.
I still shudder at the recounting of the “Italian Three-Finger Method,” which according to the author was how lesbians like to have sex - one finger in the anus, one in the vagina, and one in the urethra. Yeah, right.
ETA: My dad bought the book when it first was published, so I would have read the first edition. I don’t know if any of the more ridiculous claims were later corrected or at least toned down.
I don’t think that was about sexual issues , per se. I think it was meant more about relationship issues. Although I don’t think they need to know specifically which issues their parents worked out as opposed whatever problems are common for teenagers - different levels of commitment/expectations, for example.
Boy, I wish someone had given me a good education. I’ve been fucked up about sex my entire life. Don’t do that to your kid. I was masturbating by 10 and interested in girls well before then. (Not meant to respond to @chela …)
I was reading the Reproduction section in our World Book Encyclopedia by first grade. My parents got me some other book when I was ten and asked if I wanted to talk about anything in it. I did not.
That book was where I learned about homosexuality. I recall thinking, “I hope I don’t end up gay because I really like girls.” Clearly I hadn’t quite processed all the content.
wow, this takes me back, to just a hand of years ago, and having this talk with Vaderling.
I think he was more uncomfortable than I was, mostly about the bit about masturbation. It wasn’t just about the mechanics of sex (heh, band name), I also covered what I expect for his behavior with girls and boys, that I’m ok with him being interested in either/or/both girls and boys, using protection, what to expect if he gets caught with a girl/gets her pregnant, gets caught with a boy, if he goes that way etc.
His mom’s talk was, I kid you not, “sex, it’s fun and feels good and don’t do it and if you get caught I don’t know you and you and your dad will deal with it”
I echo what another Doper said above-thread: The OP’s wife is really, really naive (perhaps intentionally so) if she thinks that if she just keeps silent indefinitely that her son will never learn about the birds and bees. There is sexual information coming from all directions in society/the world. She seems to literally think that if she doesn’t give “the talk” that even later at age 15 or 20 the son still wouldn’t know.