Uh, thats kind of my point.
“Dad, why were those cats making so much noise last night?”
“Dad, why does that horse have a long willy?”
“Dad, was I in Mummy’s tummy at the same time as my brother?”
The answers to those questions is called parenting. Tell them the truth.
I don’t think anyone disagrees with the idea of answering questions truthfully. The disagreement is with the idea that every ( or even almost every) kid has seen it. I’m pretty sure I never saw animals having sex until I was an adult - and my kids wouldn’t have if my husband hadn’t brought home two rabbits who were supposed to both be female.
I assume you had single sex siblings. My own children have known the difference before they could identify them by name.
FWIW, I was probably 12 or 13 when my mother explained about “the birds and the bees”. I was absolutely astonished. I said to her, “But… but… that’s fucking!”
I already knew quite a lot about sex, such as various positions and techniques, and the female anatomy (as represented in porn). But I had not the slightest idea that reproduction involved sex.
Sure. I grew up in a rural environment, so I have seen everything from dogs to cattle to wildebeest and sable, baboons and lions in the act of coitus. Sadly not a giraffe yet.
But sex is everywhere. City pigeons have sex. Dogs do it. To quote the late great Ella Fitzgerald, "
Birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it"
It is hard to miss.
And as for chickens fucking, there is an interesting discussion to be had with the kids (which I have done) about the differences in animals. Some of us have a penis. Some of us have a vagina. Some of us (broadly) spray sperm into the sea and hope to fertlise the eggs. Some animals - male seahorses - keep the spawn safe in a pocket, like kangaroos. Some have cloaca. Some have really complex repoductive systems - ducks - while some have cannibalist tendancies (praying mantids)
This is all stuff I tell my children. Sex is normal. I mean it can get weird if you are a male mantis, but I think it is important to normalize sex. It happens. Its going to happen to my children at some point.
I would vastly prefer that they have some prior knowledge. Hopefully my daughter will not follow the mantid example.
If he is 10 yrs old he probably already has a pretty good idea.
“Hey baby, were both mammals, lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!”
They may think it is weird, disgusting, that adults around them are actually doing this thing. So it is best to expain that, yes, in reality people are doing this thing and it causes babies.
And most of the songs, poems, litterature, plays, and art, are about this thing. Now go outside and play.
Yes. It’s an ongoing parenting thing. First question usually happens when Moms belly is getting larger and youngster says something about it. Mom says you’re getting a little sibling.
Next is how did it get in there?
But …when puberty is near its time to review the material and go into the dating and social expectations and rules of yours and theirs. It’s not easy nowadays, to always know everything yourself. But there are always school and societies and legal things to explain as time goes on. Keep the line of communication open as long as you can.
I promise, as soon as they reach a point in early adulthood they’ll tell you to shut-up.
Exactly.
Some kids haven’t seen it; and some kids who have seen it didn’t understand what they were seeing.
Yup.
I can’t remember whether my enlightenment came from seeing a neighbor’s baby brother having his diaper changed; or not until my parents put a book on my bookshelf. I do remember that it straightened out a couple of things I had been puzzling over.
I missed it.
I very much doubt I’m the only one, even in this thread, who missed it. And I’m entirely sure I’m not the only child in the country who did.
I wish more people had discussions like that with their kids. The number of people who seem to think there’s only one ‘natural’ way to do it is mindboggling.
I was the youngest child.
And a lot of people these days have only a couple of kids; sometimes close enough together that even if the older child was old enough to ask they may not be old enough to remember the answer.
Admittedly, they may see somebody else’s belly swelling. Though they may just think the person is getting fat.
This is so important, and funnily I was just talking to my wife about how certain misconceptions about love and sex - that I got through osmosis from my parents, plus some autism - did some significant damage to my early love and sex life and to my marriage and, emotionally, to my wife.
I believe that most Dopers are fairly reasonable, smart people so I applaud OP’s and the various posters’ thoughts on this.
Yeah–my Mom was pretty damaged and my Dad was absent. I could have used a lot of what’s been said in this thread. Hitting puberty in the late 70s in a small rural town was pretty weird. Hopefully people are less hung-up now…
Omg. I just remembered. I told my baby brother (he’s 13 mos. younger than me) his pee-pee was a wart.
I obviously knew it was different than what I had.
I had enough sense to know I was messing with his head. But young enough my Mother threw us all in the tub together.
So about 3 or 4
Obviously I have seen dogs humping. I have never once seen dogs mating at a dog park and it’s astonishing that you think that is common.
Is dry humping not similar to actual sex?
“Dad, what are those dogs doing?”
The answer is going to be the same no matter if they are actually engaged in coitus or just dominant behaviors. I would explain both behaviours, the sex and the domination.
I think you are a little nit-picky here.
(Not sure if that is attacking the poster, rather than the post, seems I maybe walking a fine line)
I think your assumptions about city life are way off, because of your rural upbringing. I grew up in a suburb. There were lots of birds and insects around. I think the only wild mammals I ever saw were squirrels. We had one pet cat and for a time one pet parakeet. I never saw any animal having sex during my childhood that I can remember. Neighborhood dogs didn’t run around loose mating with each other, they were kept in their owner’s house or yard. I’m not sure I knew anyone who owned more than one dog; in fact I didn’t have very much contact with dogs at all when I was young. I’m trying to think of a situation I may have been in where I would have observed animals mating but can’t think of any.
Exactly.
Squirrels also have sex. All sorts of urban animals have sex. You dont see rats doing it, because they like a little privacy in their hiding places, but squirrels are shameless.
I can’t beleive that anyone over, say 5 years old has never observed sexual activity of some kind. Insect sex. Bird sex. Mammal sex. I mean hell, human sex (less common and abruptly shut down when the 5 yr old enters the room, but they saw daddy on top of mummy)
I’d like to argue that this is the US weird thing where you have a lot of puritanical people, but also the biggest porn industry, but I do not have enough evidence.
How, after all, is babby made?
I’m not following your point about squirrels. Yes, obviously squirrels have sex, but if they’re doing it in hiding places then equally obviously I’m not observing them. I personally can’t believe that you can’t believe that most 5 years olds haven’t observed sex. Maybe I saw insects mating but as noted above, it’s not very obvious what they’re doing. I definitely never saw bird sex or squirrel sex as a kid. I’m not sure I’ve EVER seen sex between wild birds or squirrels in my whole life. It has nothing to do with US attitudes towards sex, just a lack of opportunity and exposure to animals. I certainly never walked in on my parents having sex, nor did my son ever walk in while I and my wife were doing so. I think that happens more in movies than in real life.
The point is, they dont.
Yeah.
In terms of advice on talking to a kid about sex, I think it’s okay to relate it to your own personal experiences, but I think it’s less awkward if it’s couched in general terms of “people”, as opposed to specific individuals.
It is very late at night for me, so I must bow out for a few hours.
I hope the rest of you speak kindly to your spouse and get laid this evening (whatever your timezone is)
I think we drifted kind of far off topic, and I am the one leading that, so a good nights sleep on my part might allow the thread to return to the “birds and bees talk” in the OP