I just had one about three hours ago. My doctor was a really nice guy. He subtly complimented me on my nice job of shaving as he nonchalantly scrubbed my scrotum with some warm soapy substance. “Relax” he says while grasping a handful of yours truly. “Get all your nervousness out of the way now so you don’t have any left for later.” Now, I never really was nervous about the procedure, but it was nice of him to try to break the ice a bit because I’m sure he knows that it’s not every day a 34 year old male gets a penile sponge bath from a 60 year old man. Well, not this 34 year old anyway.
Move on to the numbing of the operational area. Sure, I expected some slight pain and the doc even warned me that I might feel a little discomfort when he injected the Novocain. Fine I thought. No worse than Novocain in the gums right? WRONG!!! Holy CRAP!!! I don’t remember being injected with molten lead by a red hot poker at the dentist’s office! I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes and waited for it to be over. Unfortunately for me, it was over…and over and over and over. The guy was playing pin cushion with my sack for god’s sake!!! It must have been stabbed a good twenty times before he was through. Ok, maybe not twenty but a good 5 or 6. Of course that was nowhere near enough for this unlucky lad because when it was time for the incision I felt him cut into me and instantly tensed up with a big SSSSSSS sound coming from my mouth. “You can feel that?” He says. “mmm hmmm” I whimper. So he gives me some more Novocain and thankfully I’m too numb to feel the red hot poker stabbing into me again. Everything’s good now. Everything is numb. BAM! Suddenly he hits me in the right testicle with a hammer! I can feel the cramp seize me all the way up to my waste line on the right side. I looked down a bit to make sure that he was not in fact holding a hammer before I ask if I should be feeling what I’m feeling and he reassures me that I would feel a bit of discomfort as he pulls on the tubes. Excuse me doc, but I think the word you are looking for is agony, not discomfort.
So after a bit, the pain subsides and leaves me with just a dull ache in my lower right gut. He finishes up and I’m thinking I’m glad that’s over. Nope. I guess he didn’t do it all at once. He has to switch sides with the nurse to do my other side. I mean how far apart can these tubes be that you have to switch sides??? This time he warns me though that the nerve on my left side runs all the way up by my left kidney so I might feel a little discomfort all the way up to there now. I say Ok. I’m a man. I can handle it. Then BAM! Hammer time again!! This time the cramp takes a super sonic journey from just above my pubic line to around my waist and halfway up my back!! Find a happy place find a happy place find a happy place. My GOD!!! I don’t think this doctor fully realizes that I’ve far surpassed discomfort at this point. The nurse keeps glancing at me every few seconds and then back down and then back at me. Is she worried I’m going to choke on my own tongue or is she giving hand signals to the doctor telling him I’m not in enough pain yet, pull on a few more things down there while your at it. At this point I’m scared as hell that I’m going to feel him stitch me up but I was spared that if nothing else.
Finally it’s over and I still have a dull ache in my gut like I’ve been kicked in the crotch but thankfully the cut itself doesn’t hurt yet.
I had a really bad time of it - the operation was only the start - and it was a bad one like yours.
Mine was followed by a life-threatening infection during which my nuts swelled up to the size of cricket balls, then dissolving stitches failed to live up to their name - the doctor refused to remove them so I had to do it myself, but they had become quite embedded in the skin.
Lest all of you (males) become terrified of doctors attacking your testes with rusty pliers and cricket bats allow me to add that my procedure went off without a hitch many years ago.
Had it done on a Friday under general anesthetic, spent the weekend propped up in bed in mild discomfort and back to work Monday morning.
Wow. My procedure went off without any problems. When the doctor was actually cutting the tubes I felt some discomfort and I grunted a little bit, he just added a little more of a local pain medication and all was good.
I really didn’t need the pain meds either. I felt fine, maybe I have steel balls.
A friend of mine showed me his bruising and it changed my mind completely about having a vasectomy. That poor guy looked as if his had been done with a Louisville Slugger.
My doc made probably the same joke about the shaving job.
I don’t remember bruising, I had it done Fri afternoon and was walking with only mild discomfort by Sunday. I wore very loose fitting pants for several days, but it wasn’t that big of a deal.
My husband is terrified of having a vasectomy, in spite of wanting to get one (his choice, which I fully support). He’s planning to have his done under full anesthetic. After reading how it might go, I think that’s a wise choice for someone already freaked out about it.
Mine went fine, even with a bit of extra poking around on the part of my doc to check things out (missing testicle… talk about a funny look when bringing that up during the consult!).
Was up and around that afternoon, back to work the following Monday (got it done on Friday), and was clearing the system out within a week.
My husband had a bad one. So bad, in fact, at one point, he screamed. The man is NOT a screamer. I heard him all the way out in the waiting room. Heh. He’s fine now, but says he’d not do that shit again.
I’m glad it takes only once, though!
I screamed when I got the second needle. I was expecting only one, but the vas denferens forks as it were, however you spell it. The urologist was quite upset, no doubt because I cleared out his waiting room of little old ladies.
I understand the fear, hey we are talking about the nads. Just let him know that this is surgery 101.
My doctor made a few stupid jokes to put me at ease before the procedure, I wasn’t laughing.
Fellow I know had a pretty uneventful and painless vasectomy and felt good enough afterwards he figured the “take it easy” advice was too conservative, so he went ahead and moved the Christmas tree indoors without help. And pulled something, or tore something, or whatever, but messed himself up.
To make matters worse, this was a Christmas tree with the root ball still on it, so they could plant it afterwards.
Making matters even worse, such a Christmas tree is called a “balled Christmas tree”, which kept getting all wrapped up into the phone calls and explanations.
Topping things off, he said he wound up looking much like said tree.
Yeah, the old “You might feel a slight tugging sensation.” Ivylad said it felt like he’d been kicked by a mule.
Still, better than my step-sister’s husband, they could only find one tube, and that’s why they have four kids now instead of three. Can you imagine having to get it done again!
Guys the solution is simple. When the doctor picks up the syringe you reach over and grab him by the balls. Look up and him and say, we’re not going to hurt each other, right?
Also very effective with dentists.
