Seriously. My parents did not arrange ‘play time’ for me when I was 10. There was no expectation that I be friends with someone else’s kids because my parents were friends with their parents.
At that age, I was left home alone for three and four hours with no supervision, not dragged along to visit their friends.
I guess I just find it odd that it’s like four parents are telling kids that old who they are friends with and when they will ‘play’ together.
Do they all have very limited friends due to the homeschooling?
The 30-ton elephant in the room that no one is addressing is exactly that: Given this, does the OP feel that their children were educated up to age-appropriate grade level by that family during the time they were home-schooled by them? If not, they might need tutors…
AFAICT, they don’t want the girls to spend time together anymore, and your wife took an “it’s all of us or none of us” position, that if the girls couldn’t socialize, the families couldn’t socialize. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that position, but it does mean IMO that both families must take part of the credit/blame for ending the relationship.
If “the incident” had to do with the teddy bears simulating sex with each other, or the girls simunlating sex with the teddy bears, or anything having to do with sex, then I would be completely unsurprised if a home-schooling mother was severely disapproving, because most of the homeschooling families I know are of the semi-fundie variety that won’t let their kids read Harry Potter, much less let the kids’ stuffed animals climb on top of one another.
Even if the incident wasn’t your daughter’s fault, or only her fault – and I’m perfectly willing to assume it wasn’t – I don’t think the other family was out of line to decide that they didn’t want their kids and your kids socializing together anymore.
In light of your son’s medical problems – for which you have my sympathies – I think it was actually pretty nice of them to offer to continue to home-school your kids even though they really don’t want their kids and your kids socializing. I can see why you and your wife would firmly decline that offer, but then the inconvenience to you doesn’t strike me as being their fault.
If you homeschool your kids, you are responsible for their education; your friends and neighbors are not. The fact that is time-consuming and inconvenient to try to teach kids at home is precisely why most families enroll their kids in school. So while I have sympathy for your dilemma – and great sympathy for your wife, who must now educate and supervise the other children instead of concentrating on the sick child – I think that’s the risk you take when you decide public school isn’t right for your kids.
It could be that there was something financial involved, maybe he paid them to homeschool his kids? Or some arrangement they had? That’s just supposition on my part and I guess we won’t know until Redfrost clarifies. It seems that he’s upset because they stopped the homeschooling at this time while his baby is very sick and his wife is at the hospital so much?
It’s a difficult time. When I was growing up my sister had cancer and both my parents were absent in a lot of ways. My sister would be in the hospital for months. I was very lucky that my grandparents and aunts were around but it’s a difficult time and a very stressful time for everyone involved. Sometimes the people you think you can count on you can’t, and often people you least suspect can surprise you by how generous they can be.
But they didn’t “stop the homeschooling at this time.” They offered to continue to homeschool the kids, it’s just that Redfrost and wife declined in light of the “but the kids can’t socialize” proviso. And I don’t at all say they were wrong to decide to make other arrangements for schooling under those circumstances. But that was their choice. So the inconvenience to the Redfrost family is not 100% the neighbors’ fault, is all I’m saying. Certainly I understand it’s a tough time, and I do have sympathy. But homeschooling is inconvenient and problematic; that’s one of the reasons a lot of families don’t do it.
Well, homeschooling is nothing that I’d ever do! Even if I wanted to, I think my son would have run away from home at the suggestion of being stuck with Mom all day.
Looking back, I suddenly realize that my star-wars figures, and superhero action figures, did an AWFUL lot of blowing up buildings and… Piloting x-wings into buildings…
I’ll try to address some of the questions above all at once here.
My wife and I don’t micromanage our children’s relationships. They are free to be friends with whomever they want, unless the children are toxic and we haven’t anyone toxic enought to warrant ending a relationship.
There was no financial arrangement for homeschooling and we have been and are grateful for their over the past 6 months.
What really pisses me off is that this all came as a surprise with no warning or anything. The offer to continue homeschooling was empty, at best. How can you seperate the kids and homeschool them without sending a clear message that you are unwanted. My daughter and my other children are not little terrors. They are not angels either. However, whenever there has been conflict amongst the children our ex-friend suggested they spend time apart. No discussion about what actually happened, no thoughts about how to prevent this in the future, just time apart. And to top it off, it was never her kids’ fault. It was always our kids. Just a little suspicious.
When my ex-friend said that the girls could no longer play together that clearly indicates that there is no more relationship with us. Our families have been, essentially, one family for the past 10 years. When we visited we would visit as a family, occasionally individually. There is no way we could have gone to a birthday party or holiday celebration as a family with the restriction in place. There was really very little choice. If felt like the old break up line of “I don’t want to date you anymore but we can still be friends.” And we all know a load of bullshit that is.
I would like to reiterate that the only solution ever offered was for us to fix our kids and/or to keep them away. The kinds of problems I’m talking are just kid stuff, one kid says something to hurt the other’s feelings…one is playing with a toy that the other one wants–>fight ensues…one isn’t playing the game the way the other one wants it played…etc.
The incident=The two girls (ages 7 and 10)–mine is 10–were playing house. One of them suggested that they have sex with their husbands. Sex was defined as kissing and hugging. My daughter knows where babies come from and what sex is. My suspicion is that the suggestion came from the 7 yr old based on how sex was defined. This is all unimportant, kids play “house”, it happens, we all did it. It was nothing pornographic. My daughter said she thought this was a little weird and went to ex-friend’s oldest daughter-age 12-and told her what the 7 yr old wanted to play. She said she did this because she wanted to see if this was “normal” and “okay”. The 12 yr old went to her mom and said that my daughter was talking about the 7 yr old behind her back. The 7 yr old’s feelings were hurt (and I suspect she was embarrassed) which led to the accusation that my daughter said something about the play with malicious intent. What was said was not malicious. Both parties agree that all my daughter did was ask about the type of play that was going on. The intent is what is in question. I will admit when my daughter is misbehaving or being nasty, as I will with any of my kids, in this instance I don’t think my daughter was tyring to mean.
We have seen and dealt with problems between them at our home and said nothing about it because we saw it as normal kid behavior.
The main complaint I have is that they have ended, what I thought was an honest friendship, because of bullshit. I really don’t care that I lost them as a friend. I feel fooled, betrayed, and abandoned. I actually feel kind of relieved that they are now out of our lives because, although I have known “how they are”, I looked past it and accepted them for who they are, without judgement. That sentiment was apparently not reciprocated.
The fact that you think the incident was unimportant because “playing house” “happens” and “we all did it” indicates there’s a fundamental disconnect between you and this other family as to what is appropriate play. It was not “unimportant” to them. I’m not saying you’re wrong or they’re right, I’m just saying that you are painting as completely innocent an incident that they felt strongly enough about to say the girls couldn’t play together anymore. So yeah, since you clearly are not on the same page, you’re better off not being friends. I guess I don’t understand what you’re so mad about, though. You think there were treating your daughter unfairly; you think they were over-reacting; you think they are the sort of people who dismiss years of friendship over “bullshit.” Seems like your reaction would be “goodbye and good riddance.”
The issue was not that they were playing house, it was that they accused my daughter maliciously going behind their daughter’s back in an attempt to get her in trouble. The play was not the issue. My reaction to the loss of the friendship is “goodbye and good riddance”. But they left us in a lurch and I still feel betrayed. It was just a dirty way to do something. We were completely blind-sided by this and totally unprepared. As days go by I feel less angry. What really sucks, is that my wife still has to encounter them at Tae Kwon Do and the homeschool meeting. Additionally, the kids don’t quite understand why they can no longer play with their best friends, friends they have known all their lives. If were just me and my wife that this was directed at, I would have told them to fuck off and have a great day.
No. I’m a parent of a 2 y/o and a 6 y/o. It’s quite common for me to hear the 6 y/o with his best friend “Mom, SA won’t share!” or “Ms. Bean, J isn’t playing the way I want”.
I’m very fond of the “then I guess you guys had better figure out how to play fairly, then” method.
Exactly! But not my shithead ex-friends. Their philosophy is “well I guess J and SA should go home and perhaps not play with our kids for a while”. :rolleyes:
It does appear that the friendship is beyond hope of salvage. But I don’t understand these parents who think they can put the toothpaste back in the tube. I also don’t see how removing Redfrost’s kids from the equation is going to make the little girl un-know whatever it is she knows about sex. Yes, I know it’s a moot point now. But these parents are crazy if they think they can keep their kids insulated from everything “inappropriate.” Or they’re crazy if they do.
Are you kidding me? Someone, a longtime friend, slanders his daughter, and you don’t understand why he’s mad?
My Barbie used to wear miniskirts with no panties. And then drop her pocketbook in front of Ken.
Even if I wanted to, I think my son would have run away from home at the suggestion of being stuck with Mom all day.