Okay, my oldest son and his wife started dating when they were in high school. That was 14 years ago. They finally married three years ago, and both are approaching the age of 30. I’m 55. My wife and I are really, really ready to be grandparents. I figure I’ll be almost 60 by the time the first one is ready for me to build him a rocking horse (or her a dollhouse.) My tools are sharpened, the plans are ready, and the oak and maple are stockpiled. I long to begin the lessons all grandfathers teach the children of their children – how to dip a cookie, how to catch a fish, how to make a dog make that scratching motion with his hind leg – all the stuff my grandpa taught me. And the stories – boy, howdy, to I have the stories lined up!
My daughter-in-law says she really wants to be a mommy, but then she accepted a promotion that has her jetting to all corners of the country every othe week. My son says he wants to be a daddy when he’s ready, but OMG, he’s almost 30! How ready does he have to be!? Do I not have a birthright to be a grandfather?
I’ve thought about flying to where my son and daughter-in-law live, sneaking into their house and replacing her birth control pills with placebos (okay, I got the idea from Desperate Housewives) but my wife hid my credit card, so I can’t even book a flight to where they live.
My friends (who have children the same ages as my son and his wife) have grandbabies. Some of them even got grandchildren by accident! Can anybody tell me why I’m not a grandpa yet?
I’m 61 with four grown children and I’m not a grandma yet either, except by marriage (which is just as good but not quite the same). Some of my friends are great-grandparents, so I feel your pain!
Do you have any nieces or nephews who could fill in – listen to your stories, go fishing with you, etc.? It sounds like you’re positively bursting with grandpa-goodness!
My paternal grandmother lived to be a hundred. On her 100’th birthday, seven years ago, this fine old lady had three children, eight grandchildren, all over 30, and exactly…zero grandchildren. Yep… this is the Postponing Generation.
I’n 38, and I’m finally ready to try and have my first child. (Yeah, I know I’m not early). And I must say, I enjoyed reading your post. My own parents seem rather “meh” about the idea of really interacting with any grandchildren. The idea of an enthusiastic granddad… makes me feel somebody besides me and my fiance wants another kid on the world. Thank you.
Like AuntiePam said, couldn’t you volunteer as an ersatz-granddad to children who need one? Maybe through social services? A shame to let all that grandpa-goodness go to waste!
My wife thought of that too, and it’s a great idea that might actually work. Then when the kids do get around to procreatin’, we’ll be doubly blessed. Only fly in that ointment is that this is a pretty small town, lots of retirees, and the young 'uns tend to flee to the coasts as soon as they’re out of high school. So, the geezer-to-child ratio is tilted pretty badly.
Please please please, don’t start pressuring your kids to have babies, just because you want to be a grandparent.
My father did this. To the point where I finally had to sit them down and give them an ultimatum. That subject was not going to be brought up, or they weren’t going to be welcome in my home. Even today, every time I talk to my parents, I get a run down of which friends/family just got pregnant.
One of the top ten worse reason to have a kid: Because my parents want to be grandparents.
Nah, we don’t mention it, except to kid them a little when they bring it up (and sometimes they do.) When I talk to my sons and their wives, we always let them know just how blindly proud of them we are. Mostly, I channel my grandpa wannabe rants into healthy diversions – like this. And to joke with the in-laws about wanting to be grandparents. When on of my daughter-in-law’s old high school chums had a baby back in March, we got a photo from the proud grandparents, who are good friends of ours. I joked that I was gonna’ send the photo to my son and write, “This is a grandchild. I want one for Christmas. Start shopping!” I would never do that, of course, because I respect the kids too much. But it was good for a laugh among friends.
Mostly, I wanted to know if the desire to be a grandparent is normal, or if I’m just aging faster than I should be.
Don’t worry, there’s still time. My father was 66 before my sister, 34, made him a grandpa. Since he had no sons he was happy it was a grandson.
And nothing, nothing, nothing will ever replace what I saw on his face the night that kid was born. Sister had a long labor, and every so often my BIL would come give us updates(me, dad, and mom). At some point we noticed we hadn’t seen the BIL for a while, so we figured it must be getting down to the nitty gritty.
Dad and I went sneaking down the hall in the hospital and listened at her door. I thought I heard a noise, but wasn’t sure. Then cam the sound of a child squalling, just like in the movies. My dad turned to me, and there were 200-watt bulbs behind his eyes. He said “Did you hear that? Did you hear that?” A sight I was the only one to see, and one I will treasure for the rest of my life.
You’ll get the chance to ask that question someday.
Yes. This “English language”-thing isn’t as easy as it looks, you know.
jeffrice, make sure you print this thread, and the other “outlets” you mentioned, and show them to your grandchild when he’s a teenager. Typical teenagers are sure no-one will ever want them. I guarantee you he will act embarassed, but he will secretly *love * feeling so wanted.
You said the geezer/kid ratio in your town is skewed. How about looking further abroad? I saw this show on TV the other day where Dutch families had volunteered to have kids, ages 7 and older from Russia (Tsernobyl) over every summer holiday. The kids would get a much needed vacation and get some strenght, was the idea. It appears the whole thing was a great succes, with the kids returning every summer untill 17 or so, and becoming a part of the family. And even though most kids now had kids of their own, they still had fond contacts with their " other families". I don’t know where to start googling, but these might offer a start.
Or rather, my mother telling me my father wants desperately for me to have kids, and it would just *break his heart * if I don’t have children soon. And though I know he most certainly does want grandchildren, I don’t think it’s quite that melodramatically.
My dad has always asked me, as soon as I’ve had a boyfriend for several months: “Gonna get married soon? Start having kids?”
Eventually, I did get married, to someone who is very interested in having children, and who I am very interested in having children with (which was quite an important factor in my decision making; when I was with past boyfriends, I never, ever wanted children - they would not have been very good fathers). However, I also moved 3000 miles away. My mother calls me on the phone: “It will just break your father’s heart if you have kids so far away from home!”
I can’t win, I tells ya. I can’t win. :smack:
If I get a job soon, we’ll be starting a family within the year!
Last week, sitting outside of the mall, my grandmother pointed to a little boy in a stroller and told me to hurry up and have some kids. When I explained to her that I was thinking of maybe, you know, getting married first and doing things in the right order*, she shrugged and said “Bah, who needs to be married, these days? Everyone’s doing it.”
And this is the 91-year-old grandmother with pictures of Catholic Saints all over her apartment and who says rosaries all the time. Telling me to jump right in and have a kid outside of marriage, just for her. :rolleyes:
*When I say “right order”, I mean for myself, and I’m not at all passing judgement on others. It’s not a religious thing, it’s just the way I’d like to have things work out.
Well, I just wanted to tell you that whenever it happens (and it WILL happen!) that you and your wife are going to be awesome grandparents!
My grandpa used to take me fishing and driving around in his El Camino when my cousins and I were little, and we’d build birdhouses and stuff out in the shed. He’s not doing so well now because of his battle with cancer but I’ll always remember the stuff we did when I was little and how much it meant to me.
I’ve made it clear to my folks that I don’t want kids at any time in the near future (never say never I guess) and they have been very cool about not ever bringing it up.
But I did get a puppy, And they are absolutely ga-ga over this dog. My dad picks her up every day on his way home from work and they buy her stuff and coo over her like a real grandkid.
Yes, my mom has TWO “Ask me about my grandpuppy!” t-shirts. I think I have placated their desire to be grandparents for now
My brother and his gf have a puppy too. She stays with “grammy and grampy” when they go out of town. And honestly I treat her like my neice too, and my dog is like their neice.
My father says grandparents and grandchildren get along so well because they have a common enemy. He was a policeman for 35 years, but it was my grandfather who revealed to me that, when Dad was a teen-ager, he and his buddy shot out a traffic light in downtown Greeley – on a bet! Grandad told me the story after I was told I had to pay for crumpling a fender on Dad’s prized '56 Chevy station wagon. I still had to pay for the fender, but had the pleasure of saying, “At least it doesn’t cost as much as a traffic light, huh?” Made it less painful somehow. Thanks, Grandad!
Anastasaeon, don’t worry about breaking your father’s heart. It was meant to be, and he’s relishing every minute of his sweet misery. Your parents raised you to think for yourself, make your own decisions and stick by your morals and principles. Sounds like they did a fine job – and as parents, our reward is always a broken heart. It’s called bittersweet – and I’ll bet they brag about you incessantly!
Would you settle for a doll house, some ice cream and pearls of wisdom?
You guys have been great. I think the surrogate grandparent is the way to go until nature takes its course. Now, if I can just get my wife to start baking those cookies …
I have 7 grandchildren and haven’t hit 50 yet. 3 are from my older son and 4 from my step daughter. My step daughter just moved back home so I get to see her 4 kids daily. The twins Samantha and Alicia are 9, Joey is 6 and Blake is 2. I see my son’s kids about once a month or so, I would like to see them more. Josh is 10, Deedee is 6 and Joley is 3. Due to the circumstance of the way my son was conceived and raised, the children have 3 grandfathers. Joley always lets everyone know, including the other 2 grandpas, that I am her favorite.
My parents didn’t have a kid until they were in their early 30s, so it’s not my fault they’re now in their mid 50s with no grandkids yet. And my only first cousin had a kid a little while back so I’m not getting any flack from one of my grandmothers as a result.
