My life is currently boring, empty, and not very satisfying. I’d like to learn something new, preferably how to do something. Any suggestions?
How about playing an instrument?
Learn how to crochet or knit and make blankets for ill or traumatized children through Project Linus. You can also donate blankets to homeless shelters, make lap warmers for the elderly, and knock out a few holiday gifts for your family.
I’m learning how to spin wool fiber into yarn. Which your screen name reminded me of, although maybe yours is a puppet reference. If textile arts is something you might be into then I second Calliope’s suggestion.
Or…
maybe look into volunteer opportunities: local animal shelter, mentoring, or like that guy in England, you could secretly start cleaning up in front of strip mall stores.
Someone in my area is decorating the deer crossing signs with random things like cocktail glass silhouettes and headphones, or red reflectors on the nose. It’s a little thing, but it gives me a lift when I see them, because I start to think about what I’d do if I had the cajones.
You could start learning about dogs, dog training and breed typical behaviours, then go rescue a dog you like from the local shelter. Getting a dog, and doing the whole “responsible dog owner” thing can open up a whole new social scene. Dog parks/dog runs, dog fun runs, flyball competition—heck, basic obedience classes can all be a lot of fun, a good way to meet some really nice people. Like any other area there are also some know-it-all “slightly off” people too, but I’ve met the nicest people I know working at a local animal shelter.
Or just check out your local community college, see if they’re offering anything that turns your wingnuts. Learn a new language, take welding, creative writing, astronomy, physics…
And if none of that or the other suggestions above interest you, then maybe you should start a program of diet, exercise, and if all else fails, a doctor and anti-depressants. 
Good luck and have fun!
If you don’t play golf, you might try learning that. I find it to be a very addictive game.