i am right at 5 months pregnant, and i’m thinking about baby showers. i want one, but i don’t know what the proper protocol is. when during the pregnancy is it most common to hold one? who generally holds it? the grandmother? friends? and would it be rude of me to approach that person and ask for a shower? would it be frowned upon for me to throw myself a shower?
also, i’m hopefully getting married soon. thus, if i had a bridal shower and a baby shower, they’d be kind of close together. any suggestions on that? or on bridal showers in general?
it’s not that i’m anxious for the gifts, i’ve just been pretty lonely and sort of depressed lately, and i’d really like to have my friends and family around me in a celebration of what is supposed to be a really awesome and exciting time in my life.
Etiquette dictates that a shower (wedding, baby, whatever) is never thrown by the guest of honor or a family member. It is always hosted by a friend.
Do you have a maid/matron of honor? Typically she is the one to host a wedding shower. Perhaps you could throw her a hint*, and perhaps combine the two showers into one.
*Emphasizing, of course, your desire to celebrate with friends and family, not greed for the goods.
(I was surprised several years ago to find out that no one had thought of hosting a baby shower for our single-mom friend, who was very broke and in dire need of one. I found out only because I asked the person who seemed most likely to be in charge of one when it would be, and she said none was planned. So I, a more distant friend, threw my friend a baby shower, and we ended up being pretty good buds. So I’m not averse to the idea of a mild hint – perhaps no one has thought of it!)
hmm, the girl who would most likely be my maid of honor (in fact, she’d probably be the only friend i invited to our very small wedding) has been very distant lately – one of the main reasons for my feeling so lonely.
i’m not sure how i would go about “hinting” to her that i’d like for her to throw me a party. i haven’t even been very successful at getting her to talk to me on the phone for any length of time.
Baby showers are IMO more significant than bridal showers as a social occasion, because, let’s face it, people do frequently get divorced. Whereas, one generally keeps the baby. Therefore, there’s more of an emotional investment for the guests at a baby shower. Also, since most of the women at a baby shower have also had babies, there’s more of an emotional investment there, too. You are truly going through a Life-Changing Experience, which unfortunately can’t really be said for matrimony any more. The day after you have a baby, you’re a whole different person, whereas the day after you get married, you’re still you–just–married.
What you should do is, start going to church. It doesn’t matter what flavor, just pick one. Look around the church and cultivate the acquaintance of at least two (2) of the other “mothers of preschoolers”. You don’t have to be “best friends”–just know them to say “hi” to on Sunday morning. First names. Then in a couple of months, when you start to “show” (Is this your first?)–when you are obviously pregnant, I mean–if nobody at church has taken you under her wing by that time and turned your name in to the Baby Shower Committee, then find an opportunity to tell one of the two “mothers of preschoolers” that you’ve always wanted to have a baby shower but you don’t have any really good friends who could host one for you. Look sad, but not pathetic, while you tell her this. If she’s not a complete dolt, she’ll have you unwrapping presents in the church parlor within a couple of weeks.
hmm, i am trying to get back into church, although not specifically to get a baby shower. i dunno… isn’t that kind of not so nice, being friendly with someone in the hopes that they’ll do something for you?
as an aside, when you move a thread, didn’t it used to leave a copy of the thread closed in the original forum? it took me forever to figure out where this thread has gone.
abuse angel, who knows? You might even make some friends just for the sake of being friends. It sounds like you could use a few more. One of the purposes of being friendly is to have the person be a friend back. It’s a two-way street. And everyone benefits.
I also had another thought. Since all you’re interested in is the gathering, you could always host a small gathering for your little circle of girly-type friends and family. Make it informal and just call it a get-together or something else, but not a shower. The rationale is that after the wedding and baby, you probably won’t have as much time to spend with your nearest and dearest, at least not right away. Serve simple hors d’oeuvres to keep it inexpensive.
Either way, let us know what happens. And have fun!
Angel-
I am reluctant to even post to this thread after I screwed up in my responses to your breakfast thread so royally, but
here goes :
My sister just had a baby, (and she is the most precious little adorable thing on the FACE of the Earth, thank you very much!), and one of our aunts hosted one for her, I believe after a hint from my mother. My sister’s pregnancy
was accidental, her wedding quick and perfunctory, after which she moved to a different city. She had lost track of all her old friends, and was kinda lonely. My extended family lives near her, but tend to be very conservative
and by-the-book. Mom was afraid they would be uneasy or embarassed about acknowledging the situation, but decided that making my sister feel accepted, comfortable, and excited were more important than social protocol, so she started vocalizing and making shower plans herself.
Everyone jumped on the bandwagon after that, and we had a terrific shower with the whole extended family. If your friend, or someone at a church, hasnt suggested a shower yet, please feel free to enlist your family’s help, or, hey, even host your own “expecting” party. Emily Post be damned…you’ll be grateful later that you did it!
Let us know how things go. If you can’t get anything off the ground, we can always band together and have a virtual
celebration!
We can start a thread, and people can all tell their silly baby stories, and give you impractical advice, and maybe someone can bring their really old aunt along. We’ll eat cyber-cake with pink and blue frosting, eat chex mix out of napkins folded to look like a diaper, and drink mimosas. And I’ve got shower games!
We’ll do it after Thanksgiving sometime.
Honestly, though, I love baby showers. Shopping for sweet little things is fun. I always get twisted in knots trying to buy a wedding gift, but baby gifts are a delight.
Oh-Angel-speaking of shopping for sweet little things, I spent a fortune on my sister’s baby shower. Bought an expensive infant to toddler convertable bathtub and filled
it to spilling over with clothes, baby bath, toys, all sorts
of stuff. I was starting to run low on $, so I bought this oversized bath sponge in the shape of a bear, with his tummy
kinda scooped out to hold the baby, just to help fill up
the tub o’ gifts. I knew it would probably never get used, but, hey, it was bulky, and only cost $3 at Baby Superstore.
Well, to THIS DAY, (baby is 4+ months old) she has NEVER
been bathed in anything else but that sponge. They started out sponge bathing her on the counter, then graduated to kinda standing the bear up in the kitchen sink and wedging her in it, so she can see what’s going on around her (apparently she DEMANDS to be upright at all times!)
I just thought I’d let you know to grab one if you see it.
If you can’t find one, let me know and I’ll ship one to wherever you are.
Best $3 I ever spent!
In this day and age, it’s not the end of the world if a family member hosts a shower for you. Drop some hints to someone in the family, for sure. I would say it’s best to do it a bit later in the pregnancy. It’s far more festive when you’re huge and uncomfortable for some reason.
Back once again!
Angel, I just read your pit thread and I didnt realize that
you have other children. It is generally only customary to have a shower for your firstborn child (assuming the existing children are yours and not your SO’s). Reason being, baby things are used for such a short time, and can be handed down to your next baby.
If this is the case, I would just invite your family over for a “baby celebration”!
scredle, no ned to be nervous, i thought everyone gave good advice in that thread. the one who screwed up was me!
so, what is baby superstore? do they have those in texas? do you think i’d find those sponges anywhere, or were they specific to the store? it sounds cute.
i think i’m going to concentrate more on getting my best friend to come to a party, rather than throw it for me. probably drop hints at my mother over the holidays, so she can feel like she’s involved. my mother is the type to complain about not being a big enough part of my life, but does nothing to be involved unless i go out of my way to involve her (ie, she never calls me, but every time i call i get a lecture on how i don’t call her enough. sheesh! :rolleyes: ). so, i think getting her to throw a shower would make her happy.
ddg, like i said, i am planning to go back to church as soon as i can either a) find a regular ride to the s.o.'s church; or b) get him to give up on that idea and go to a closer church. if nothing else, i may meet some people to invite!
and i like cranky’s idea of an online shower. i know i’m not the only doper expecting. it’d be fun.
this is actually my first child. the other two are step-children. while i consider them just as much my children as the one inside me, i got them as toddlers. i’ve never been through pregnancy before, and i want to enjoy all of the fun stuff that comes with it.
