I’m not a girly girl. I know squat about showers, having never attended one. The very concept makes me want to hurl. Yes, I’m a curmudgeoness, why do you ask?
So far I’ve avoided ever having to throw one. But now my boss’s wife is pregnant, and all the girly girls here at work are pressuring me into throwing her one. “You have to, it’s the custom!” “Is it mandatory?” “No, but it’s the custom!”
Now what? I can refuse and look like a total schmuck (which they think I am anyway because I don’t buy a spread of pastries and cake every time one of my bosses has a birthday - it’s the custom!), or I can pretend like I know what I’m doing, throw one, and have to attend even if it makes me physically ill. I hate having to plaster on a beatific grin while middle-aged women squeal at the sight of booties. I’m also utterly ignorant of all the little games and gewgaws at these things.
Actually, now that I’m typing this, I recall that I did attend one back in the early 80’s. I went with a girlfriend who was an improv comedienne, and she went because she was studying shower behavior in order to mimic it for an act of hers. It was hysterical - she imitated the squealing and simpering perfectly, and I was the only one who knew she was actually studying and working and I had to keep from laughing uproariously.
Why you as opposed to one of the other girly-girls?
And the boss’s… wife? I don’t know anything about your workplace or your job, but for heaven’s sake, that’s a pretty distant connection for the shower hostess.
But anyway, if you wind up getting railroaded into it, then by all means, make it the kind of event that you’d like to attend (also, make sure you don’t get suckered into personally paying for more than your gift). Get the foods you like, play the games you like or none at all, and make it the length of time you can tolerate.
Tell the girly girls in the office that you need help to plan it. Send one out to get decorations, tell one to come up with games, have one organize the gift $ collection, etc. Then come down with a mysterious illness on the day of the shower.
It’s perfectly possible to throw a nice, classy baby shower. I think all those cheesy games are pretty out of fashion anyway; IME games are usually pretty tolerable now if they are played at all.
A brunch with lots of fruit and brunchy food is always popular and easy to put on. Or if it’s an evening event, serve 4 kinds of cheesecake and call it good.
You can get everyone to write down a piece of advice or well-wishes beforehand, and then collect them to make a little book. Or give everyone a baby-book concept to illustrate (ball, book, cat) and then turn that into a little book for the baby.
Throw whatever kind of party you want to; it’s not like there’s a requirement about it.
Are you talking about throwing an in-office “shower” a la the office birthday “parties”, etc.? Or are you talking about hosting a real private shower.
Because if the latter – there’s absolutely no “custom” for you to throw a shower for someone as completely unconnected to you as your boss’s wife, assuming she’s not also your personal friend. I would refuse to do it too.
But if the former – Hey, order a cake, send out an e-mail that it’s set for 2 p.m. the second Tuesday, route 'round the envelope for the group gift (baby seat, stroller, whatever), buy the gift and card, and call it good. There’s no need for decorations or games at a 45-minute mid-afternoon office gathering. If the girly girls don’t think that’s enough, tell them they’re free to contribute however they see fit.
Being the planner is a pain in the ass, yeah. But you realize that if this is an office deal, you would have to attend and plaster on a smile for the boss’s wife, regardless of who did the planning.
It’s the in-office kind of deal. As in, we sit around in our firm’s law library during the lunch hour and it’s all proscribed how it must occur. There is no wiggle room.
What’s all this about throwing it the way I want it? There’s no combination of Bunch of Squealing Women + Me which could possibly equal anything I want. It’s all about conforming to the custom here, period.
Here’s my idea of a great social event: Two or three friends at a quiet serene sushi bar. So you see how I’m very unhappy about this. However, I love my boss, so I’m going to have to shut up and conform or become an enormous social pariah.
I had two baby showers and neither of them had any games or squealing. They were just nicer-than-average office pot lucks. You can also give people the choice of bringing a gift or contributing to a gift card. That way those who like to baby shop and those who don’t will all be happy. If someone else wants to be games mistress, fine, but you get to make it clear that participation is optional.
Ok, it’s not often that I burst out laughing just by reading the title…ha!
I was put in that position some years ago, when my ex’s brother was getting married, and the matriarch told me I had to give the shower for the bride-to-be, because “it wasn’t right that she do it”. Whatever. I’m about as girlie-girl as the OP, and my stomach does a rollover when I sort through the mail, and find a “cutesy” envelope.
The good news was, I truly liked the bride-to-be, so did my best, w/out any of the fru-fru stupid stuff that gave me headaches in the past. Also, being in control, you can leave out most of the ridiculous bs…unfortunately, in your case w/ it being an at work luncheon, you probably can’t have a box o’wine, cuz I found that to be a great leveler, whether it just made ME feel better, or loosened up the barbies, I don’t know…it just worked!
You honestly can’t suck it up for 45 minutes and tolerate this?
Every office shower I’ve ever been to consists of buying a cake and soda or possibly some other goodies and buying some gifts. No games or anything else. Big deal. Is that really so hard and so awful? We all have stuff we have to do for work we’d rather not do. Comes with the territory, pretty much.
Why not try sitting down with Squealing Women and working out a game plan for this shower? You can compromise on what you both want, you like an efficient, cooperative work hero, everyone ends up (hopefully) satisfied.
::teela brown curls up under her desk in a ball, sobbing::
Yes. Yes, actually, it’s really so hard and awful. I loathe, hate and despise showers with every fiber of my being. I’m to have my first colonoscopy within the month, and it seems less odious to me than not only having to attend a shower, but having to plan the accursed thing as well.
Now you’re being every bit as silly as you think those other women are.
You said you’ve been to exactly one, so how would you even know that you hate them in general? A sampling of one gives you no basis to decide how to feel about anything.
A shower at work requires so little planning … why don’t you just do it and get it over with, like any other work task you dislike? A couple phone calls and emails later it’ll be done. You’re acting like you’ve got to fire someone, for pete’s sake. If you like your boss, think about how happy he probably is about the impending arrival instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
Seems kind of odd to me too -I’ve never worked anywhere where a morning tea/lunch was thrown for the partner of a colleague - normally there’s a group gift and card which is collected and sent home with the co-worker - may be some afternoon drinks to celebrate, but that’s it.
nevertheless, if you don’t like the girly shower stuff, but there’s a need to placate co-workers bny having ‘meaning’ to a morning tea/lunch, how about (since you’re holding this in your law library), get everyone to bring a book to create the baby’s first library, and they can write a little message in the front on a bookplate as to why they chose that book. They do the meaning and foofy wishes, and you get to eat cake. It’s only going to be an hour or so long,I guess, and therefore the gift giving plus a toast plus eating will take up the rest of your time.
Oh, and you may want to check with your boss what his wife will feel comfortable with first too.
