The friend who threw my first baby shower is thinking about throwing a second, smaller shower before my second baby is born (due March 22nd), probably in mid-February.
We’re discussing format and gifts. It’ll just be for pretty close friends and family- the ones who are likely to give us stuff and/or help out anyway, so it isn’t (I hope) an obnoxious gift-grab. We’re tossing around a casserole-shower, or just small party with low-key things given like full maid service (joking), diapers and wipes, extra burp cloths, that sort of thing.
I really don’t like the idea of second baby showers. If it’s not a gift grab and would include only people who would give you gifts anyways, why not have a get together after the baby is born - a kind of “meet the baby” party. Added bonus: no annoying baby shower games.
A lot of people don’t like showers for second babies. Even more don’t like them when they’re told the type of gift they’re expected to bring.
If you just want to get together with friends & family before the baby is born, have a lunch or a tea. If you want them to meet the baby, have a “meet the baby” party. And if they’re going to give things anyway, they’ll give you/the baby things anyway.
Never even heard of a shower for a second child. The only exception I’ve seen is when it’s a second marriage for the mother, and it’s the husband’s first child.
Face it - your second child will be living in the first’s shadow forever. May as well get him used to it now.
I had a “diaper party” for my second baby. Sisters, close Aunts and Cousins, and a few friends. I was newly single and about to have a newborn and a 2 year old and this was a godsend. I seriously didn’t have to buy diapers until he was in size 5. I love my family.
So, point being, have your friend call it a diaper party (some people will likely still bring small baby gifts anyway) and avoid the whole “2nd shower” issue that some people have. Serve good food and beer too, if that’s how your people are, and have a real party. I think one of the big reasons 2nd showers are looked down on is because showers in general are so dull. Nobody wants to go to more than absolutely necessary.
Four of the ten people likely to be present are cheerfully encouraging and/or helping to plan the thing- and I don’t think anyone invited is likely to be offended. Neither are we going to play stupid games. I like the idea of a diaper party.
I don’t want to hold a ‘meet the new baby’ thing because I remember vividly how wrecked I was for at least two months after my first kid was born. I am avoiding scheduled events because I have no idea how much sleep we’ll be getting, between a toddler with sleep problems, a newborn, and life in general.
My sister is expecting her second baby sometime in the next couple of weeks. Her daughter is 12, and her stepson is 13. In the intervening years between her two pregnancies, she broke up with my niece’s dad, had 2 or 3 different jobs, graduated from college, passed a lot of her baby stuff to me and various friends who had babies, and met and married my BIL. So there were two reasons for throwing her another baby shower: 1. lack of baby stuff and 2. new people in her life who weren’t around when the first baby was born and would be happy to attend. And yeah, there was plenty of food and beer. A good time was had by all, and the baby-to-be now has a roomful of stuff.
Yeah, it’s considered tacky to have a shower for a second baby, and even tackier to dictate what people give as gifts. If all your friends are on board for it, go ahead and do what you like, just please don’t push ii by telling people what they should bring, even if you do mean well by suggesting cheap stuff. Otherwise, it’ll seem like an obvious gift grab.
I think a better idea is what a lot of PPs described: a small gathering after the baby is born.
I like the idea of a lunch or tea beforehand - no baby shower. At work they threw me a baby shower for my second and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. It was really nice of them, but I would have preferred just a lunch, not a shower, so no gifts. My feelings would have been the same even if they had been close friends and family.
Huh. I just went to a shower for a third baby today, and I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Of course, it was for my niece-to-be, and I was happy to give her gifts. The last time my brother and his wife had a baby girl was 8 years ago. I imagine they no longer have the baby clothes, blankets, and so on that they used for her, so why not throw a shower so they can get new things?
I can kind of see having a shower if it’s been more than four or five years between kids. My son is three, though, so it seemed odd to throw a shower when it feels like he’s just barely out of babywear. Of course, our child turned out to be a girl, so even though his babywear is still wearable, we’ve already gotten her some new stuff so people know she’s a she and not a he.
My cat has a bigger and better album than my daughter, in fact I haven’t seen daughter’s baby album in years!
I had a neighbor whose daughter had a 6 year old. She got unexpectedly pregnant again and they threw her a shower. It was an ungodly huge, tacky affair - close to 100 guests! This woman got stacks and stacks and STACKS of cunning little outfits - I could not believe the amount of clothes, not to mention the other bonanza of gifts. It was the most disgusting crass display of materialism I’ve ever seen, but no one ever said anything about it. Considering the economy, and the incredible third-world poverty in our city, it was just so blatant. The food was terrific, though!
Well shoot, in The Game of Life, you collect fifty dollars in presents from each player for every kid you have, regardless of how many. Never struck me as tacky.
Yeah really, what’s up with this place-of-birth discrimination? Maybe it’s because the only baby shower I attended involved a bunch of rat-poor students and the gifts consisted of one booties-overall-and-cap set, a ton of disposable diapers and a three-pack of pacifiers… we viewed it as a “girl’s day with baby excuse and little alcohol,” rather than anything resembling a demand for gifts. I thought that the gifts would just take into account there’s hand-me-downs available, same as it’s done in countries where the gift-giving doesn’t involve a shower.
I vote each baby (twins excluded) gets a shower. Ideally, it is low key, has nice wine/food/coffee (whatever) and is not a gift grab. As others have mentioned NO DUMB GAMES
